2622. Love is Never Enough — II


Like most things in life, love is a process and mutual love is two distinctly different processes.

Men primarily are producers. A man chases success exclusively for himself and sometimes chooses a wife and family to accompany him. Chasing success is both the man’s main love and main process in life. He competes with Nature, men, and conditions to achieve progress and accomplish whatever it takes to shape human events as he needs them to match his objectives, and as he foresees them in his masculine dreams.

Each man’s process is the glove into which his marriage must fit, his wife must prove herself likeable and loyal, and they squirm together in the ‘glovely’ wriggle room to succeed as a pair. If successful, he is satisfied with both her and living with her, and becomes satisfied with his marriage, himself, and with all of the above. He succeeds in life provided they succeed in marriage. Whether easily perceived or not by wife, his satisfaction with himself reflects his love of her.

Women, of course, expect more clear expositions of their man’s love. Men are more direct than women, and so why is he not more direct with his love? Good question and the answer comes later.

OTOH, women primarily are processors. They produce progress in living together, developing workable solutions, and cooperating to advance progress rather than causing it to stumble with open and often hostile competition. They keep the bearings of relationship wheels well oiled. Operating that way, a woman doesn’t look back very much, although she never forgets slights to the dignity or desirability of her purpose.

A woman makes her life more complex by chasing success in imagined things and ways. She seeks continually to brighter her future, betting on what she can produce by way of relationship solutions and improvements.

Far too often, however, women choose to compete directly with men over the shaping of human events, and things don’t work well when challenging male dominance. However, competing over their first sex together is not only acceptable but men consider it justified, although they easily argue to the contrary.

She pursues importance both to herself and others chosen or birthed. She seeks happiness in the process, and finds it in her gratefulness for those involved in her life. She measures progress by relationship improvements and happiness by the gratefulness she finds in both herself and contributors to her success, progress, and process of living among others. She serves others for the reward of giving of herself and thus upgrading her self-importance.

Grown women usually prefer a dependable man to accompany, help, and add value to the complexities of the process by which she lives. Reliance depends on influencing him to obligate himself on behalf of her and her children, and with marriage being the firmest obligation.

She knows to favor cooperation over competition; it’s essential when dealing with husband. Depending on her perception of the risk of losing him versus her process of generating progress to improve her or their future, she often competes to get her way. Husband’s risk is he may lose to a woman, but a wife’s likeability can overcome it. She has the talent and skill to outwit, outsmart, and outmaneuver her man, but he can always overrule with male dominance.

Men are more direct than women, and so why is he not more direct with his love? A woman’s love is expressed by very directly giving of herself in word and deed. Women expect to hear of being loved the same way, directly. They depend on what they hear and easily accept and conclude the best as opposed to men who depend on what they see and figure out.

A man’s love is not a giving of himself, as it is with women. Therefore, a man can’t be direct but has to rely on indirectness, fabrication, or lying. A man loves by doing what’s necessary to provide, produce, protect, and solve the problems of a woman in whom he sees—those eyes again—great likeability and loyalty. The investment of his ability is his love, indirect in all its glory if she is smart enough to recognize investment of self as emotional connection to what he sees.

Love is never enough, because it is different on opposite sides of a relationship. Whether she sees his investment of self as love of her means she has to measure, estimate, or presume his love based on factors unfamiliar to her. She needs more than her love to figure out his love of her.

He, OTOH, depends on what he sees and what he doesn’t hear to assess her love of him. He sees her smile and knows that he’s not at fault. He hears few or no complaints and figures her problems are surmountable.

From previous expressions of her love, he figures that he is still loved until the contrary emerges. He prefers to accept that all remains well, because her wordy expressions are unnecessary and sometimes embarrassing when he feels undeserving.

Exchanging love thoughts are part of the ‘glovely’ wriggle room mentioned above. They have to read each other. Tenderly is best as they fully develop their belief in themselves associating with the other, develop faith in each other, and wiggle around in the ever-changing results that keep him informed of how well he is doing in the process of living his life to provide, protect, etc.

Instead of always trying to confirm and reconfirm love at the first squeak of the romance or marital wheel, a wife does better when she quiets her ears aching for husband’s words with the satisfaction of showing affection through actions that satisfy her man. Her payback comes from his greater satisfaction knowing he did the right thing in marrying her—after all, that is the root of his commitment to stay with her and why love is never enough.

 

10 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, Her glory, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

10 responses to “2622. Love is Never Enough — II

  1. Southernbelle

    Thank you for this exquisite gem Sir Guy! This is so clear and resonates well and true. However this is all within marriage. I find it difficult that this is not the same in courtship. Our natures as men and women don’t change when we walk down the aisle. Other than resisting being conquered before marriage the female nature to love in direct ways seems to work against her goal of marriage. Also expecting him to act contrary to his male nature of expressing love indirectly during courtship by expressing directly to her seems like an uphill battle of expectations. Perhaps that’s the point? If he is inconsistent in his direct actions and defaults to his indirect nature then perhaps he is not a MrGoodEnough worthy of husbanding?

    Your Highness Southernbelle,

    You’re quite capable of discerning the individual trees in that crowded forest.

    Your last sentence is correct. Actually, before conquest men are direct expressing their love. The urge to merge pushes them to be more direct. After conquest, they see no similar need.

    Men more directly show their love before conquest and indirectly afterwards. Women are the opposite. Instinctively they know not to be obvious with their love and thus shorten a man’s process to get her in bed; she has to remain less obvious or he will lose interest in learning who she is and what she can add to his life. After marriage, her displays of love are essential to keeping her husband’s focus on how she fills his life.

    Guy

  2. Femme

    Dear Sir Guy,
    I feel so blessed to be able to read gems like this one because…Contrary to what you keep saying I don’t feel I’m a relationship expert at all.
    I’ve done relationships by trial and error and made many mistakes.
    I’ve learned from them but they also mean many regrets and some pretty undesirable consequences.
    I’m just wondering why we women can’t access our expertise these days.
    I’m quite sure that when I’m on my death bed and looking back I will judge my success in life by the quality of my closest relationships… (a man will probably measure HIS success by how much money he’s made?)
    At school we are taught many different subjects but how to create and maintain relationships isn’t one of them! Other women seem equally clueless (even older ones who should theoretically be wise).
    There are a lot of relationship coaches out there which is great but I can’t help thinking it’s a bit like digging a well when you’re thirsty.
    I’m sorry for rambling on but I’m quite passionate about the subject 🙂
    Happy New Year everyone!

    Your Highness Femme,

    Women mistakenly believe that men are only after sex and measure success in life by money. A very few men have learned those lessons in life, but it’s not their nature.

    The sex drive of young men is much stronger than that of young women. Women recognize it, but they use ‘only after sex’ as theme to blame men for other things. However, sex drive reverses late in life, when older women crave more of what is then less available to them. And men get blamed again, if women lack respect for the opposite nature.

    Women wrongly think men measure their success by the money they earn. Men measure success by accomplishing what they intended. Money is a byproduct.

    If and when money is the motivator of a man, he learned in life to love it and consequently save it and doesn’t spend it. IOW, it’s the keeping and not the earning that motivates such men.

    Guy

    • Femme

      IOW the best a woman can do is to convince a suitable man that a successful marriage should be pursued by him as part of his drive to accomplish things.
      I guess I have to confess that (if I haven’t already) it’s a good thing that you write about the NATURE of men as it was intended by God.
      The more I read your blog the more my respect of the opposite sex is restored.
      If I had to base said respect only on my personal experience it would never have happened.

      Your Highness Femme,

      Allow me to rephrase this statement: “IOW the best a woman can do is to convince a suitable man that a successful marriage should be pursued by him as part of his drive to accomplish things.”

      Revise it this way. IOW the best a woman can do is to convince a suitable man to pursue this decked out, dolled up, feminine, unique appearing, highly attractive woman as more than he can handle.

      Guy

  3. Femme

    Also,
    I was having a hard time getting my head around this sentence:
    “Therefore, a man can’t be direct but rely on indirectness, fabrication, or lying.”
    Indirectness I understand but fabrication and LYING?
    What kind of made me sad and even felt hurtful was when you said that men SOMETIMES choose a wife and kids to accompany them.
    It would seem to imply family is not important to him except as an afterthought.
    This is one of the differences between the sexes that I’ve noticed (and now have it confirmed) that has made me question our mutual compatibility.

    Your Highness Femme,

    You question this. The context is that women expect to hear of a man’s love as she expresses it. “Therefore, a man can’t be direct but rely on indirectness, fabrication, or lying.” But a man doesn’t love as a woman loves, and if he has to do as she says, he complies the best he can.

    You state, “It would seem to imply family is not important to him except as an afterthought.” It is reasonably accurate. If women don’t sell men on the idea of family, men don’t seek it out themselves. Driven to spread seed among women still unconquered, achievement and accomplish fuel the process. Family doesn’t fit that life model until women generally and one woman finally convinces each man remain with her and help raise her children.

    I know it sounds raw, but men don’t naturally flow into the nicer things in life—e.g., romance, tender love—until women convince them to more deliberately live according to female-friendly principles that women expect men to live by.

    Men are born only capable of being compatible. Women are born that way naturally, and so they have to convert men to compatibility. Why do you think it’s so hard for women to tame men into family harmony?

    Guy

    • Tanisha

      Hi Femme,
      I’m looking fwd to Sir Guy’s response to your post. Like you, it’s hurtful for me to believe men’s natural inclination is to seek a family as an afterthought.

      In my mind, it seems like men are like fast track trains to the next destination. As women we have to jump on and hold on for dear life.

      Your Highness Tanisha,
      Your last paragraph reflects a good attitude to have. You may more clearly see why, when I post the third article in this series of “Love is Never Enough.”
      Guy

      • Femme

        Hi lady Tanisha,
        It looks like the expression “to catch a husband” (haven’t heard it for a while) was pretty much accurate 😀😂

    • Femme

      Thank you for this Sir Guy.
      Mr Darcy springs to mind 🙂

    • Femme

      Is not your last question self explanatory?
      Or perhaps it was intended that way.

      Your Highness Femme,
      Intended.
      Guy

  4. Tanisha

    You have this incredible ability of explaining complex human associations that makes it all seem so simple. I feel i’ve learned more about men’s nature from this post then i’ve learned my entire life. WOW. I feel so grateful to be able to have this wisdom for free. Thank you.

  5. Shari

    Hi Guy,

    When you say “instead of always trying to confirm and reconfirm love at the first squeak of the romance or marital wheel, a wife does better when she quiets her ears aching for husband’s words with the satisfaction of showing affection through actions that satisfy her man,” I start to think of certain things. As a wife, are you saying if I focus my time on remaining attractive physically and character wise that will keep my husband satisfied with being married to me? As a wife, are you saying if I focus my time on being a homemaker by keeping the house organized and clean and making sure breakfast, lunch, and dinner are to husband’s liking then husband will be satisfied with being married to me? As a wife, are you saying if I focus my time on being available for sex, being grateful for him as he is (no nagging him to change) and what he does in my life, and maintaining all of my responsibilities with a smile on my face then husband will be satisfied with being married to me? If yes, I definitely feel very confident about being married. It’s a lot of work – one of the reasons I have no intentions of being a working wife or mother – but it’s work that’s under my control and work that I enjoy doing. I feel like I could really excel at being a wife and mother if that is the case. In return, will I be cherished and adored by my husband?!

    PS: I’m not yet married but I do like organizing and cleaning. I haven’t found the motivation to learn how to cook despite having several cookbooks at home. I blame my job lol. On most days I’m too tired to do anything but get ready for the next day.

    Your Highness Shari,
    I responded with today’s article, 2624. Thank you for the inspiration.
    Guy

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