2623. Love is Never Enough — III


I write for women who think they know how to love a man into a successful marriage. Not all women have it wrong. A God-awful large number don’t have it right, or more marriages would last longer. Love is never enough.

Fiancés are so eager to seal the deal, they overlook this deeply embedded conviction within potential grooms. She marries for love; he marries for the promise he sees in her. How much of his love resides in the promise is an individual matter. To marry, he sees promise in her to uplift, promote, and contribute to his successes in his life, especially the present as he will face the future when it comes.

A man is born to satisfy himself, keep himself satisfied, and he has endless skills and talent for doing so. He lives a life of successes strung together into what’s right and good for him and within the freedom and ability he has available. As a sideline, almost any woman is available for frequent sex, so he has little interest in paying the price required to keep the same woman conveniently available.

Thus, his satisfaction and her love are very similar and equally critical. Self-respect that he has and satisfaction that he earns describes a man as adequate within himself. As an independent person, he gives little of himself except to earn success. OTOH, love holds a woman together. She has self-love, spreads it among those in her life, and measures success by how she helps others and thus adds to her self-importance.

She’s born with oodles of self-love. She aims at spreading plenty of it, out of which she also earns self-respect that enables her to respect men and a man.

He’s born with oodles of self-respect. He doesn’t spread it as women spread love. Instead, he harbors it to earn self-love, which then enables him to love others. By earning what he lacks, self-love, he enables himself to be more successful associating with others. Primarily, he aims at earning what he lacks, wins success at it, and expands his inborn need for greater responsibility to achieve more satisfying success.

A woman is born well-motivated to love herself, keep others well loved, and she too has endless skills and talent for it. But the genders differ on this point, men are independent and don’t need a woman. Women are dependent and desire frequent uplifting and confirmation of their importance. They need someone close to magnify their lives into more than just tolerance. They are born with the instinct for a man to provide it and intuition to recruit one to enhance their lives. So, a woman is motivated to mate up with a man, while he’s motivated to do other things that may or may not include being burdened with an adequate mate or satisfied with a superb wife.

Women thus face two challenges. If husband is to be, it is up to me. If keeping husband is to be, it is up to me.

Women measure marital success by her giving and receiving love with husband. A husband finds success by satisfying himself that he does right for himself, good for them, and satisfies himself in living his life and husbanding hers. It’s more complex than women imagine, and love is never enough.

2 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, Her glory, How she loses, marriage, The mind

2 responses to “2623. Love is Never Enough — III

  1. “But the genders differ on this point, men are independent and don’t need a woman.”

    My encounters with one particular man resulted in these words, spoken in my hearing: “I just want someone to grow old with, to go to Home Depot and pick out flowers for the yard.”

    And also, “Back in the old days, after a man worked hard all day, and his wife worked hard all day, they could come together at night when the kids were asleep and comfort each other.”

    Of course, when he realized that I was interested in him romantically, he said, “I don’t know if I’ll ever get married again. I just want to be friends with lots of people.”

    But!!! Then!!! Months later, after the rejection stopped hurting so much, at a church lunch, with me sitting *right next to him* he said to a mutual friend, “It’s hard finding somebody.”

    And at another time, “I was at a birthday party where I got teased for not having a girl friend.”

    And also, “I need to get some new pictures. I didn’t have many to put up on the dating website I subscribed to.”

    This is a man who doesn’t need a woman? Really? Seriously? If he doesn’t need a woman, what is he doing? Why isn’t he saving the time and effort and annoyance and just masturbating to his heart’s content or, like some Japanese men, marrying a woman-shaped pillow?

    This is one of those days where, thanks to WWNH, I get it. I see the differences in what builds ego and motivates actions and where hopes are placed and yet . . . I don’t get it.

    Your Highness Edith Mcklveen,

    That guy wasn’t born that way. He is learning lessons from new pressures in his life and discovering his own incompetence for which he blames others. As a woman you can’t use what I add below, but he needs such stimulation to start thinking differently, which might motivate him to act differently.

    If he showed no interest in a romantic connection, you need to bury his head in the sand of female distaste for impolite comments. Men seldom start pity parties, but he does regularly. As shown below, I suggest he needs to hear something like the retorts I added after each quote.

    My encounters with one particular man resulted in these words, spoken in my hearing: “I just want someone to grow old with, to go to Home Depot and pick out flowers for the yard.” But does anyone want to go with you?

    And also, “Back in the old days, after a man worked hard all day, and his wife worked hard all day, they could come together at night when the kids were asleep and comfort each other.” Late in life women want more sex for their comfort, not less from men growing old too fast. How could you manage?

    Of course, when he realized that I was interested in him romantically, he said, “I don’t know if I’ll ever get married again. I just want to be friends with lots of people.” If any wanted to be friends with you, you would already have them. Check it out.

    But!!! Then!!! Months later, after the rejection stopped hurting so much, at a church lunch, with me sitting *right next to him* he said to a mutual friend, “It’s hard finding somebody.” It’s a good sign you don’t work at it.

    And at another time, “I was at a birthday party where I got teased for not having a girl friend.” You’ve been unqualified for quite awhile. Doing anything about it?

    And also, “I need to get some new pictures. I didn’t have many to put up on the dating website I subscribed to.” Are you sure pictures would help?

    Guy

  2. Shari

    “If husband is to be, it is up to me. If keeping husband is to be, it is up to me.” I love this saying because it’s very empowering. As long as I am taking the necessary actions to attract and invite a man to think he has to have me in his life, a husband will be to be in my life. As long as I am taking the necessary actions to make hubby realize his life is way better with me than without, keeping husband will be to be in my life.

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