I love it when pretty girls conclude simple principles out of my statements. Her Highness Shari exhibits good skill when she does it at 2623. It’s worth this article; she triggers more of what women need to hear.
Shari interpreted me well in application. Her conclusions give birth to wishful thinking, and I’m pleased to expand on it. I thank her for the opportunity to respond to these questions with my answers: yes, no, maybe, but not enough.
“As a wife, are you saying if I focus my time on
- remaining attractive physically and character wise that will keep my husband satisfied with being married to me?
- being a homemaker by keeping the house organized and clean and making sure breakfast, lunch, and dinner are to husband’s liking then husband will be satisfied with being married to me?
- being available for sex, being grateful for him as he is (no nagging him to change) and what he does in my life, and maintaining all of my responsibilities with a smile on my face then husband will be satisfied with being married to me?”
I’m sure neither Shari nor you are surprised. Life’s not nearly that simple. Shari’s factors are good starting points and some men consider them vital. However, the importance and expectation of each factor varies man to man. Plus, a gazillion other wifely traits, habits, and behaviors strengthen or weaken a husband’s satisfaction.
Too many feelings and facts exist and vary day to day. Satisfaction is much more emotional than cognitive. It’s a summation. A man subconsciously senses, consciously detects, and assesses the importance, acceptability, and likeability of her as woman, wife, lover, friend, mother, and other roles. Other considerations add or detract; should he do something? Now or later? Think about it more?
Moreover, he judges her as an evolving entity within his self-interest, the root of his future motivation. I use evolving because of mutual feedback about what she does, he expects, and she adjusts. To him, it’s a natural and automatic process by which he shapes his opinions. To her, it’s the process of what she does best that so glaringly outshines masculine ability to deal with women; she learns, adjusts, and generates a new reality to brighten her future.
His satisfaction with her comes from her overall likeability to be with, loyalty that he expects, respect that he senses, and dependence that he perceives. His satisfaction living with her comes from her ability to appreciate his presence—even more than him—as she conducts and harmonizes the factors and functions that govern their life together (except involvement in his job life only on his request).
Here are twists in a wife’s life. Perfectionism kills, trying too hard interferes, loving too much smothers. Additionally, blame and criticism give birth to dissatisfaction in both parties. However, a woman’s self-love helps her recover from his fault finding; she handles the humps and bumps better. Men have self-respect as their compensating internal strength. Self-respect is pretty inflexible, and so men hearing the fault ignore the faultfinder. Especially when coming from wives. He married expecting her love to exempt blame and criticism in the unlikely event he should ever deserve it. Consequently, her finding fault refers him back to his Day One mistake; it contradicts his wisdom in marrying her. Thereby dissatisfied with himself, both she and living with her appear less satisfying. Numerous such events eventually trigger him to action to restore satisfaction to his life, while she wonders what went wrong?
Women are born able to read their man sufficiently well that wife can figure out his levels of satisfaction and sniff out the approach of dissatisfaction. It’s a game best played loosely and smilingly. She profits most by paying more attention to their game of life than spreading her love. Especially worrying or overcompensating whether husband knows he is loved by her. He can tell he’s loved, when his life continues to satisfy himself that he married the right woman. She would not be doing so well, if he were not loved and vice versa.
If she keeps focus on how the negatives of his life impact him—including those that she may cause—and upgrades his disappointments, she is doing what works best to keep him.
And women say, but hell, why should I do all that? It gives me the burden to keep him happy. Not so! Men don’t do happy.
Three objectives apply for you to be successful: 1) You keep finding gratitude in those who impact your life together and doing what needs to be done to build a good life for you and yours. 2) You keep husband satisfied with you and living with you building the good life. 3) You satisfy your need to spread your love across and around 1) and 2) instead of making it your primary effort to be happy. Yes, your ability to love is more tool than personal mission to be happy. Actually, a woman’s happiness flows from the gratitude she finds in others and things.
Keeping him with you is the goal, and for which God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize you to read, understand, and eagerly learn how to keep your man loyal to you. It really pays off when kids arrive.
Also, if she loves her life with him better than she apparently loves him, she makes progress. IOW, her life with him is more important to her than he is, so long as he remains part of her life. Think on it awhile, ladies. I believe you’ll find it fits your nature after a few years of marriage.
Women are talented and especially skilled to wipe away whatever dissatisfaction shows up in their man. She has her love to give to keep herself satisfied. Satisfied with each other is all they need; their togetherness evolves to sustain success as a couple. The flames of love burn in background to keep their relationship lighted.