2627. Love is Never Enough — V: Marital Success


DEFINITION: ‘Success’ is an imperfect marriage with sufficient attractions that a couple remains connected permanently. IOW, they stay together regardless of interruptions or causes that could justify separation but are outweighed by the benefits of their togetherness.

Well, how do couples do that? The wife works at it until the husband becomes Mr. Right.

The strategy for courtship is to find mutual love. The strategy for marriage is to develop success in living together. The strategy for marriage that lasts a lifetime is to take love for granted and develop a more successful process that puts the wife in charge and fuels husband’s determination to remain together. She’s in charge, and he finds her irreplaceable.

Rather than detailing how marital success occurs, allow me to start at the far end and work backwards. From stable longevity to what causes it. This husband wants very much to remain married for life.

Husband is satisfied with himself that he is where he wants to be, doing what he wants to do, and doing it with whom he wants to do it. His main satisfaction, however, depends on other satisfactions that involve the wife, specifically these:

  • He is satisfied with her as a woman and would choose her above others.
  • He is satisfied living with her and doesn’t care to explore it with others.
  • He is satisfied that his decision to marry her was a great decision, and he admires his clear-sightedness and boldness to move out of bachelorhood/solitary life and into the unknown with her (see post 2558 for details of his decision-making problems). Marriage became the adventure he expected and had the courage to choose. His self-admiration arose out of that. He’s proud of himself for having done the right thing, and wife’s daily presence and marital performance favorably remind how wise his decision.

Without that major and those input satisfactions in the husband’s heart, success easily fades. Their continued marital success depends much more on what she does to make him a satisfied man than a well-loved husband.  

Wives don’t understand. They think love endures, which it does in the heart but doesn’t seal their deal to live together forever.

A wife’s love is not much of a satisfier for husband. Her love of him did not enter the picture of his satisfactions above. That she does love him adds certainty and assures husband that their relationship will continue. That she expects her love to keep them together isn’t foolish but misplaced; it’s his life that he primarily focuses on to earn the self-admiration and accomplish the marital success that motivates him to continue as her husband.

In the final analysis, self-interest always comes before love except in the romantic notions of females. Wife is by far the most important of mates, because husband’s satisfaction depends on wife’s actions that uplift him more than put him down.

Morphing her man from husband to Mr. Right revolves on this strategy she learns to perfect over the early years of marriage. She comes to love her life with him even more than she loves him; the exaggeration is purposeful but that’s the way it appears. She builds their life together until she finds it ultra satisfying compared to sitting around cuddled up every night. Their life together becomes her dream, and she works so competently that he sees nothing but satisfaction in her. By focusing more on the future than the present, she shines as relationship manager and breathes satisfaction into his views of her and their togetherness. Her value grows as he admires himself for having married and learned to live with her.

Thus, he finds rewards to satisfy his life. What’s in it for her?

It depends on how the wife views herself worthy of her own efforts and learns to satisfy him into neutrality about her freedom to act as she sees fit. If she follows her heart, she glorifies herself at least to herself. She finds glory in finally getting her way, in being where she wants to be, in doing what she wants to do, and doing it with whom she wants to do it. The roots of conviction for doing the right things are plentiful:

  • She fulfills her girlhood dreams.
  • He morphs into Mr. Right.
  • He acts devoted to her sufficiently well that she feels adored, senses his devotion, and appears glorified with what she has sought so much of for so long. That is, husband’s supreme attention, well-earned respect, and dependable presence made obvious in daily communication.
  • She doesn’t need to be told everything. He’s not skilled enough to recognize what all she does for both him and her. With his input still not as superlative as she would like, she recognizes herself to be an important and appreciated mate, teammate, and exalted partner worthy of special enshrinement. On some matters, she has to depend upon herself for full confirmation.

Note this difference: First, her treatment of their life together makes him satisfied with her and what she does. Second, based on his satisfactions, his revised-upward treatment of her glorifies her as a good woman. Marital success achieved.

9 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, Her glory, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

9 responses to “2627. Love is Never Enough — V: Marital Success

  1. ShaSheen

    Hi Guy,

    Thank you so much for writing this article. I feel like the pieces of the puzzle are coming together. Can you elaborate on what her treatment on their life together is that leaves husband satisfied with his woman, living with her, and ultimately being married to her?

    Many thanks!

    Your Highness ShaSheen,
    She loves making their life suitable and favorable for his interests, and she loves doing it even more than she loves him (or so it appears). Actually, she loves the process of blending and harmonizing their lives into one. Over the years she has made it virtually effortless, with little or no interference from husband, and more pleasing to her than trying to sustain a romantic relationship in which husband has little interest.
    Guy

    • ShaSheen

      Guy,

      I have follow up questions. What is husband interests and how does wife go about making their life suitable and favorable to husband interest?

      Many thanks!

      Your Highness ShaSheen,

      Husbands interests are reflections of how he acts, what he says, and where his curiosity takes his thoughts.

      First, wife studiously finds ways to keep from disappointing or angering him. Second, she figures out how to keep him satisfied with actions, what she says, and where her curiosity takes her thoughts that impact him or his way of life.

      Guy

  2. Southernbelle

    Sir Guy

    I recently read an article in support of traditional male/female roles that encouraged “single again” women to revisit/ reconnect with early romantic partners (if the man is unmarried as well and they parted ways respectfully) because people are unable to truly form as strong a bond as those first few loves. This seems very true in reality but seems to fly in the face of not initiating or taking leadership role in a relationship and making him work for her. What are your thoughts?

    Your Highness Southernbelle,
    Women who listen to other women do many things that don’t work with men. As to the one you mention, if she does no more than open the door with initial re-contact and goes no further, it may work out okay. Anything more, however, and the guy is dealt out of the leadership role and having an interest in re-pursuit.
    Guy

  3. stephanie deGange

    all of this makes sense after 38 years of marriage and counting………..

  4. Femme

    Sir Guy,
    there are women who are willingly officially married to a man who has 4 or more wives..
    In some cultures it’s still the norm…
    It probably is every man’s dream (provided he can provide for all of them)
    but I was wondering how those women can do it.
    We love cooperation, but what about the jealousy?
    Are those women acting against heir nature or is the man so special they want to be with him no matter what?
    I personally can’t imagine myself in this situation.

    Your Highness Femme,

    Yes, the wives act against the independent side of their nature. After years of such wedded ‘bliss’, no doubt some women find their situation preferable to that of women with another man.

    Invoked by laws, cultural standards, and manly determination, those men squelch female independence into shared dependence under the heel of male dominance. Thus, men upgrade themselves into the political elite and confirm that individual women are not qualified to have their say in marriage or their way in society.

    Guy

    • Femme

      Sir Guy,
      thank you. All understood except men thus upgrading themselves into political elite.
      My thoughts were rather around the primal urge to spread the seed 🙂

      Your Highness Femme,
      In every totalitarian-like society where one class is dominated to the advantage of another, there is a political elite at the top and ambitious men gravitate toward it. Political ambition brings with it many more and newer opportunities to spread seed.
      Guy

    • Meow Meow

      Hi Femme,

      I think the women that grow up in these cultures just have to live with it unless they emigrate (which of course would also mean leaving their families.) Many of such marriages are arranged. Nothing to do with the man being particularly special! Only if you’re lucky I guess…

      And from what i understand, there is jealousy…first wife/second wife/third wife squabbles, whose child would be in line for inheritance, etc.
      I’m sure there is cooperation as well but I’m guessing it is to maintain some semblance of domestic order.

      This kind of male dominance keeps women too busy catfighting (to maintain their standing in the family) to do much of anything else! Another reason I’m glad to live in a (so far) mainly monogamous society.

  5. Miss Green

    Hello Guy, are there any more words of wisdom (posts) on how a lady should behave during the courtship stage and then during the following stage as a wife in order to “morph her man from husband to Mr. Right” during the first ten or twenty years of marriage?

    Your Highness Miss Green,

    I suggest you start with two self-promises:

    COURTSHIP. Your primary mission should be to not yield sex to any man before he marries you, and you can compete with him to any extent necessary to prevent conquest. Even if you’re no virgin, all exes—even ex-husbands—are also unqualified until they marry you.

    Your sister females will call you crazy, but they are competition who can’t let you be different or unique, both of which appeal more to men than what your sister females practice. You can and should be direct and as powerful as necessary to defend chastity.

    MARRIAGE. Your primary mission is to keep husband satisfied with himself, but avoid it in courtship. He will never earn you in marriage if you keep satisfying him in courtship. You should also drop all forms of competition after marriage and replace it with cooperation.

    I suggest also that you study these three series:

    • Virtual Virginity to learn how to dissuade persistent men.

    • Boob Language to learn how to groom, dress, and make yourself more attractive in ways that help hold men in line rather than smothering you with attention aimed at getting you in bed.

    • Several series with some form of ‘sex difference’ in the title. You should unlearn how feminists have tried for a half-century to make the genders alike for political purposes.

    All series will be slow reading but supply you with much background info to guide you when facing surprises and the unknown. I wish you well and admire your spunk for entering the fray by programming yourself to win.

    Guy

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s