2629. Marital Superglue, Start to Finish


I keep reminding readers that love is never enough. However, I may have found the exception. It applies to marriage alone and neither dating nor courtship (except as she judges a man’s being worthy of it).

After more than a decade of analyzing and writing about relationships that arise out of motivations inherited at birth, I finally identified the single most important ingredient capable of sealing a marriage into an eternal one.

If you use the proposed strategy, you will be puzzled at first by the ease of future success. You should subordinate all else to the long-range satisfaction of husband, which exploits your female need for a brighter future. It doesn’t mean you ignore present expectations or frustrations of husband or yourself, but you manage outcomes to add flavor to satisfaction that lasts beyond today or current event.

Also, as managing your marital relationship becomes easier, you will also turn more grateful for yourself.

Your job is simple; you get constant feedback, because you aim to get it. From it, you learn to more accurately read husband’s conclusions. With one single aim, you learn how to act and react according to what and why husband acts, reacts, speaks, infers, and implies. With one strategy, many peripheral matters become insignificant and quickly eliminated as you read his actions and reactions and interpret his words into meaning for you.

You should make it standard practice to love satisfying your man first and foremost. When he recognizes that he’s blessed with a helluva good woman who keeps him satisfied, his role as successful man is automatically realized.

Here’s the strategy. Learn to love satisfying husband and keeping him satisfied more than you actually love him as person, love object, hugger. Too much of a good thing for you can be too much for your man after romantic love fades.

The strategy takes your focus off of using attention and affection and focuses on getting him to please you just for being present in his life. That is, he’s satisfied with himself and the life he carved out and made successful. Of course, he’s not the one who actually does all the work, but he gets all the credit for being responsible as the originator of the marital adventure. Keep it up to date insofar as possible with these three things.

  • He is and continues to be satisfied with you as wife, lover, friend, smiling companion, mother of kids, solver of problems that don’t concern him, etc.
  • He is and continues to be satisfied living with you. 1) You recognize, respect, appreciate, and depend upon his providing, producing, protecting, and solving of problems too big for you. 2) You respect his independence to deal with his job and never intrude without his asking. 3) In marital disputes and negotiations, he usually concludes himself the winner. With typical feminine charm, patience, wit, and smiles, you enable him to appear that way.

As a woman, think of it this way, because it’s closer to truth that what many women expect. A satisfied man radiates his love whether it shows or not. The question for you: Did you provide it over time or did he accomplish something self-satisfying today? You can tell the difference when you love to satisfy him, and that’s why the strategy is so effective. It makes your life simpler if not easier.

OTOH, if you consider a man or your man unworthy of that kind of attention and courtesy, you shouldn’t marry him. If already married, you should color your marriage as temporary. A man’s satisfaction with himself born out of his satisfaction with you, living with you, and enjoying his wisdom for having married you, those make up the marital superglue.

12 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, Her glory, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

12 responses to “2629. Marital Superglue, Start to Finish

  1. Thankful

    It has been noted that 2017 seems to be your year of even greater wisdom Sir Guy. It astounds me how you continue to teach me with even greater nuggets of wisdom. Thank you 🙂

    • My Husband's Wife

      Dear Thankful,
      I second your comment and couldn’t have said it any better! This blog keeps getting better and better!

  2. Southernbelle

    Sir guy

    I’m so intrigued by this but frustrated with myself because I cannot quite grasp what this looks like as I size up both mine and other relationships I see. Would you please guide this lady a bit more with this concept?

    Your Highness Southernbelle,

    Here’s the strategy, and you have to develop the details and execute them to satisfy yourself and hubby. A woman who aims her life toward a lifetime marriage should pretty much follow this plan to improve the odds they will stay together.

    In dating she discovers she loves him. In courtship she finalizes and polishes up her conclusion that she loves him enough for it to last for life. She just loves him for who he is and what he means to her. She competes strongly to preserve her chastity with the hope that he will eventually find her worth more to him than sex with her. Hopefully too, marriage follows. She lets him win her instead of her trying to win him; he doesn’t rate her satisfying him in courtship. He first has to satisfy himself that he does right by marrying her.

    After they marry, however, she has the ability to become the good wife, the one of whom he is proud. To do it, she cooperates instead of competing with him, moves from being direct to using indirectness, and revises her marital mission from what she expected to do in courtship. She focuses on keeping him satisfied with both her and their life together. She teaches herself to love satisfying him more than she loves him as a person, which actually enhances her love of him personally because she does so much on his behalf. That is, she invests herself more deeply when her strategy is to keep him satisfied with her and life together.

    Out of that dual satisfaction, he easily concludes how smart and wise he was when he proposed. His wisdom is confirmed almost daily as he reviews how proud he is that she keeps him satisfied as with both her and their life together.

    That is, she shifts her loving devotion from his person to that of keeping him satisfied with himself. She focues on that more than she tries to keep him pleased with her affection of him as her mate.

    Guy

  3. Mel

    Great advice as always. Thank you doesn’t begin to cover it !
    Could I ask your advice on a separate topic please as I don’t want to digress from this discussion. How do I send you a message that I would like to see discussed in thus blog or one to one in a private email correspondence please? It concerns how to deal politely with a married man asking gair an affair.

    Your Highness Mel,
    The simplest way is to post your message here, and I will take a look as will other women.
    Guy

    • Mel

      I bought your book and I treasure your wisdom. I’d be very grateful if you could advise me on how I could have dealt with the following situation in a more sophisticated and ladylike manner.
      A man asked me for a date and I accepted. I later realised he was a Player and declined his offer of a second date. I did however tell him that I was very attracted to him. After our date, which was completely non-physical, I declined any further contact from him.
      However the following week I had to call him about a work matter.
      I asked if I could call him that evening. Huge mistake as I instantly lost his respect for going back on my word.
      After a couple of days I realised he was a married man seeking an affair. I abruptly broke contact with him again by I texted him (as this was our main form of communication) to say that I was going to delete the text messaging service we were using as I needed to install another messaging service to talk to my foreign business friends as they can’t use the same service. He said goodbye. How would you advise a lady to behave Sir Guy? I feel I’ve let myself down. For the sake of brevity I’ve left out many details.

      Your Highness Mel,

      It’s mirror time. Go to posts 2123-2127. Study and begin following the suggestions therein. If you feel let down, you can feel let up. Your best friend sits in the mirror, so take it up with her and pump yourself back up. It happens to all of us, but not many know much about recovery except to keep whipping themselves.

      Also, forget the guy and act as if nothing happened if you have to talk to him on business.

      Guy

      • Mel

        I’ll do this. Excellent advice on both counts. I was t sure what to do when I see him again but I’ve made myself clear and now I simply need to contine on that path ! Simple now you point it out. How else could I have dealt with this situation? I was rather impulsive….

  4. Mel

    ps he told me he was married and seeks affairs when I asked him during my phone call. He hadn’t made that clear to me during our first date.

    Your Highness Mel,
    If he sees you again, give him a flash of disrespect and carry on. Not worth your time or thoughts.
    Guy

  5. Meow Meow

    Sir Guy,

    Just have to say this new series you’re on really is great food for thought for women. So many, including myself, never really thought about what men expect out of their marriage and focused just on the “love and happiness and doing things TOGETHER” aspect of it. It appears that what most men desire in a marriage is really a “helpmate” as in older days, where a man seeks a loving, happy, sexy partner to help him fulfill his own dreams and satisfaction— be it having a family or moral/domestic support for the daily dragon slaying. It is a big responsibility to devote himself sexually and financially to one lady, so she must have to be a very special girl indeed and treat herself as such. Otherwise, he can get along fine with a girlfriend or one-night stands for sex and occasional female companionship.

    Women have to face that marriage is an even bigger constant challenge for her than living alone— maintaining her looks, caring for possible children, dealing with her husband, and having a positive attitude is all important. This is why I’ve always thought women should think hard about whether they, too, really want to get married. It really is a different kind of commitment (not level of commitment, but KIND of commitment) then being girlfriend/boyfriend or even living together. If women have career dreams or plans they want or need to fulfill that take the place of family life, maybe a boyfriend really is enough. (Another reason that widows or older divorcees who have already had children may shack up or date but not remarry….they seek male companionship but not necessarily another marriage and all that goes with it.)
    It seems men and women have a different idea about what marriage should be and their dreams die when they can’t work it out together. A lot of times couples divorce over work conflicts or whether family or work is priority. And history gives us challenges such as war and economic collapse that we can’t control but only live through on top of that! Your blog really helps us understand what makes happy, successful marriages.

  6. Meow Meow

    By the way on a personal level, it has really seemed to make things run more smoothly in my marriage already when i think about what makes my hubby actually feel “satisfied” and it isn’t really that much! Although he always grumbles about not having a wife that brings in more of an income I have stopped working so much and been around the house more, which gives me more time to clean and make do with less. (I have my own friends and interests of course, as well, but i try not to pursue them to the detriment of the family as I tended to do before to recharge when I was also working so hard.) He seems to appreciate and feel happier with the state of the home and that the kids seem calmer with me around more…and of course sex is less rushed and I am not as tired. When he brings up me working more I just talk about how pretty everything is and how much better kids are doing with school, how comfy the holidays were, all the home cooked meals etc. Hopefully hubby will understand that if he thinks we need more money he will have to be the one to initiate that and pursue his own satisfaction.

    Your Highness Meow Meow,

    Her Majesty Grace and I were broke for our first 25 years, more month than money. I worked a system that gave me complete control of what we had, and six month later we had more money than month. We were never ‘broke’ again.

    It confirmed what I had been told for years, it’s not how much but how well you control what you have.

    Guy

    • Meow Meow

      Thank you for the honesty Sir Guy!

      I saw my “financial freedom” book lying next to the bathtub this morning…like someone might have been taking a look at it!

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