2633. Universal Motivators: Compatible Love and Sex Drives

Many major motivators come out of our biological history; all provided to ensure that our species doesn’t die off. They shape our lives more dramatically than women realize or men care. Our amazing design inheritance that began at post 2631 continues here. I describe different but compatible motivations that arise from the genders.

Men are what they do; they compete independently to dominate the what of living life together. Women are who they are; they dependently cooperate to dominate the how of living life together. He focuses on the present, as he can handle what’s coming tomorrow. She focuses on the future, to make it easier for what he faces tomorrow.

  • Competition vs. Cooperation. Everyone wants to get his way. Women need and prefer peace in both their relationships and raising offspring. Intuitively, relationship peace comes easier when women persuade men to honor the female way of life instead of women trying directly to get their way with men. Cooperate as will husbands and wives to live together amicably, they continually compete. Each with opposed motivational intent to get their way with the other, he mostly in the present, she mostly for their future. It matters considerably who dominates the present and their future together, but two complimentary genders manage to work it out amidst eight different mixtures of love and sex drives.
  • Dominant Gender. Men can get their way by force—physical, emotional, trickery—or the willingness of a woman to yield to a man’s persona. Men have little else to work with associating with the same woman over time. Consequently, relationships are the work of woman, at least the wives.
  • Superior Gender. Women sense it but instinctively do not disclose that female is the superior gender. Men are dominant. However, unclaimed and unadvertised superiority can render male dominance peaceful. Apparently the weaker of the two sexes, women are endowed with expertise capable of resisting and even overcoming male dominance. They are able to persuade men to give up their independent lives for the sake of helping fulfill female hopes and dreams. It’s mostly done in the arena of love and sex.
  • Female Love. The female nature is flooded with two kinds of love. One is mind- and heart-driven but subject to change or termination, conditional and not permanent. The other is more powerfully and permanently energized by specially designed hormones energized by pregnancy and giving birth; we call it mother-love. It motivates women to influence men to join up as couples for life. Being so unique and unchangeable, it has a hormone-driven counterpart in the male nature. Women understand mother love, but they can’t fathom its male counterpart.
  • Male Love. Men are what they do. Born with two different versions of love, men find love as they fulfill their sense of responsibility and duty. It shapes who they are and what they do to sustain that love. As an offshoot, they can find under the proper relationship conditions that they can and do love a woman. Love of children is a function of the masculine sense of being responsible for them and what goes with them.
  • Female Sex Drives. As men do, women have two sex drives. Physiological desire to conceive and psychological desire to confirm her importance in life and value to her man.
  • Male Sex Drives. The male nature is flooded with two very different sex drives. Both are hormone driven, but one is more so and is unique and unchangeable. As intense and unchanging as the female counterpart of mother-love, the primary version motivates men to endlessly chase attractive women, conquest only on their mind.

It boils down to this. Mother-love and a man’s primal drive to initiate first time sex with attractive women are virtual equivalents in terms of their importance in life and propagation of the species. Men spread their seed; mothers keep children close to more effectively raise them, and we keep multiplying just as God figured we would.

I don’t know if God planned or handled it, but women perceived millennia ago that they were disadvantaged. Men got the most pleasure, while women got the heaviest burden.

It was a raw environment, however, so God also made us compatible, gave us free-will, enabled us to grow a self-image, let us aim at getting our way, motivated us through self-interest, and taught that competition produced the best results for everyone, but women were specially designed to exploit cooperation to better get their way in life.

Out of that scramble, the superior sex led the dominant gender into both lifetime commitment as couples and dedicated to marriage as relationship glue. Who said she’s the weaker sex?


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, Her glory, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

6 responses to “2633. Universal Motivators: Compatible Love and Sex Drives

  1. Beloved

    “Men got the most pleasure, while women got the heaviest burden.” Actually, God designed it that men would love their wives as Christ loves the church (and gave Himself up for her.) With that kind of love a woman gets incredible pleasure from sex with her man (and life in general with him) because she knows she can feel safe with him and is truly loved by him. And, no, SHE doesn’t get the heaviest burden, HE is supposed to. It is HE who was designed to lead and her to follow. Yes, she may have more pain and worry in childbirth and child-rearing, but that is precisely why he must man up and do the other heavy lifting in their lives. Sometimes I get the impression that this blog is really designed for the continuance of the ball-scratching, beer bellied, lazy slob that most women have to put up with. And men don’t just get pleasure from sex as another article stated. That is not the intended design, we are not animals. Men should be encouraged to get in touch with their emotions or they miss out on what they are truly supposed to be experiencing, which is love with their wife. If sex is really “just sex” to him, he isn’t much of a man I would want to be with. What would prevent him from having this meaningless experience with anyone else? And therefore, why can’t I? If it is so meaningless why should he be jealous if I share what’s supposed to be his with others?

    • A.GuyMaligned

      Your Highness Beloved,

      As usual, your thoughts are clear and writing skillful. Thank you.

      I had no intention to stir you or anyone else’s ire. But I did, and I wish to separate my context from your conclusion about this point. Men find it more pleasurable to spread seed and women are left with the burden of raising the offspring that follow.

      You point out that I have it reversed, that mothering is not the heavy burden I ascribe. You base it on the biblical injunction that men are ‘supposed’ to love their wives as Christ loves the church. I agree with you. Given that kind of love, her burdens become pleasurable. However, as you point out, a man is ‘supposed’ to love a woman according to God’s design. How does a man learn that? God’s design makes him capable but not educated.

      Throughout my library of articles, I describe human interaction according to how men and women differ at birth. I have not seen evidence that infants or toddlers are aware of God or that as men they should love a woman. Both sexes are born with the ability to accept and love God and others, but they mostly don’t or do it well enough unless taught in childhood.

      If men are ‘supposed’ to do something, they first have to learn about it and then learn the how of it. Just planting seeds and not developing God-desired habits about love in childhood may not be enough for men. Otherwise, so many girls, women, and wives would not currently be involved with a man who doesn’t know how he’s supposed to love a woman.

      I conclude this. One church but many women with different interpretations about it. Women’s expectations of being loved come out of their dreams, and each is different. The standard ‘as Christ loved the church’ is incomprehensible, depends on imagination, and is used mostly to blame men for shortcomings defined by women.

      How a man should act and show his love is part of lessons learned in life. Mothers have opportunity to start it. Teen girls have opportunity to expect and thus promote it. Single women have opportunity to expect and thus demand it. Wives have opportunity to confirm and modify it and thus find pleasure in it. If men pass through life untaught, they don’t get it, women don’t like it, wives moan and groan about its absence, and more—always unacceptable—blame is attached to men.

      More importantly, if women don’t exemplify Christ’s love to men, i.e., leadership by example, then how will boys and men know what to do with the words they hear that contradict female actions?

      ‘Supposed to love a woman’ comes not with birth, but from girls and women who show boys and men what Christ’s love looks like in action. The process of doing that enables mother-love to turn the burden of child bearing into pleasure.

      You have other complaints with me. While I regret your conclusions, that above is enough for today.


      • Beloved

        Thanks for your reply but I disagree. A man doesn’t necessarily need to have learned these things his entire life. He can grow up a mess, and be transformed by the grace of God. And he can “choose” to do what is right. And there is only one interpretation that I can think of when it comes to “Christ loving the church” and that is that He gave Himself up for it. He sacrificed everything, (His life) for someone else’s benefit. So, what does that look like with a human male? It looks like this; he honors her by “giving up” porn, “giving up” looking at other women, “giving up” strip clubs and any and all behavior that is repugnant or dishonoring or unloving toward her. He doesn’t make excuses that “I wasn’t raised like that” or “well, that’s how guys are” or “don’t be so insecure.” He does what is right by her because he “loves” her and he knows that to love her is a huge sacrifice. He doesn’t marry to sit back and let the little woman run around serving him. He serves her by this ultimate expression of love in the giving up of himself and all his previous ways of thinking. And he does it with the help of and strength of God. And any woman that settles for less should never consider being submissive to him, or sexually available to him at all times. How can she when this most basic need for all women (to be loved completely by her husband) isn’t being done for her? She can’t give what he needs unless her needs are met FIRST. Like I said previously, it is he who is the leader, not her.

        Your Highness Beloved,

        You say and I agree that a man’s love should copy Christ in that he sacrifices himself for her.

        Now, where does he learn what sacrifice means? It’s not hardwired at birth. Men don’t love the same way as women, probably don’t sacrifice the same, and consequently don’t know what to do. Who teaches that porn, strip clubs, looking at other women, finding excuses, or blaming her are bad? It’s not evident in early childhood, so who teaches such thoughts?

        We agree except about this. Either women teach men how they expect to be loved, or men never learn how to do it adequately for women. Men are too busy doing what they do better than love a woman as she expects it. That is, women lead and men follow on cultural matters. On the subject of love, it’s not a specialty among men regardless of how women think otherwise. So, either women lead in matters of love, or men don’t follow, and women don’t like the results.


        I close with my picture of the current situation. Christ’s love is an example for both sexes. Do women expect to upgrade the quality of masculine love without them as leaders first upgrading the quality of female love? Why blame men for what women won’t do? Women should know by now, men don’t accept blame, guilt, or scolding from women with whom they expect to spend very much time. So, women easily defeat themselves at their own most precious game, loving their family ‘empire’ with mate at the center.

        They don’t know the male nature, have lost the ability to make it work to the advantage of women, and fail to understand its meaning for both the female nature and future. Have women forgotten how to love a man? It seems so. So much blame to sling at men; so much disrespect to sling at women. Both sides blame the other.


        • Beloved

          “Have women forgotten how to love a man?” Please explain what this looks like in as complete and simplistic terms as you can. Because how are women supposed to know this if no one teaches them? See, it goes both ways, doesn’t it?

          Your Highness Beloved,
          You inspired today’s post, 2635. Thank you.
          Also, I’m sorry for your hurt. I hope I’ve not magnified it over the past few days.

  2. Miss Gina

    Dearest Lady Beloved,

    As a practical matter, if we ladies wait for the man to get the revelation and figure out how to live it out before we are willing to live up to our end of the bargain, it will likely be a very long time in coming–or just as likely never happen.

    A look at 1 Peter 3:1-6 biblically validates everything Sir Guy explains here about the relationship between men and women.

    Influence (indirect leadership–generally feminine in nature) is far stronger in the long run than raw, direct leadership (generally male in nature). It is this basic paradox of life that feminists try to make us forget.

    • Miss Gina

      Here is 1 Peter 3:1-6. (Miss Gina, pardon changes, I recover from my mistakes on previous comment.)

      1In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

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