As I found out during my 59 years of it, wedded bliss is little more than two people who like each other enough and like living together enough to stay together. Each seeks to get their way on matters of interest to them, and each expects the other to gracefully or at worst pleadingly yield—if they are to remain together.
Both sexes are born that way. It’s both the root of endless competition between the sexes and the political foundation of American individualism.
Who should get their way on matters of mutual importance? It has to be worked out to mutual satisfaction. Not getting one’s way sometimes stimulates stormy events hopefully calmed by forgiveness and mutual expressions of love. It happens frequently and is necessary to settle each spouse’s dominance over future issues. No biggie, if the first time settles the peace about each issue as it later emerges again from the fog and smog of life together.
I hope to show women a better pathway to being a good woman for husband and marriage. Here’s the key: Reduce your dependence on loving him into a happy life together. Instead, work on home, relationship, and on life’s happenings to keep him more satisfied than loved; it’s a more reliable way to handle the masculine nature. IOW, put yourself in charge of everything but his job and outside interests and use love more as tool than glue. I know it’s anti-female but it’s very pro-male, as I hope you will conclude by the end of this series.
Dealing with husband, love is never enough. Marriage does not turn a man onto loving and being loved more than before. Prior to his proposal, he becomes convinced of his love. After that, she loves him and he loves her, and that’s all they need, or so she says and he accepts.
He begins taking both his and her love for granted. After their honeymoon solidifies it, love moves toward the background. His independent nature emerges once again and he thinks he can return to his job, hobby, other matters of interest, and personal ambitions. He can leave the details to her, and in short order it becomes her invitation to build her castle that she wisely convinces him is his.
There’s more to come on this subject. More mutual respect and mutual satisfaction are better glues for marriage than is love, whether mutual or one-sided. It doesn’t mean love is not essential, and I in no way diminish its importance. Without it, our species would vanish.
The model women use to govern their lives with men doesn’t work too well, given the flood of divorces and premarital breakups. Men get blamed, but women govern both relationships and marriages. They just need a new model.
I seek to convey that something else outweighs love in the overall scheme of keeping a marriage together. Modern singles and wives need a new motto to hang on their imaginary wall of love. How about “Love is great, but keeping a man satisfied is both easier and works better to get my way.”