2638. Good Women Lose Their Way Getting Their Way — 02


I mentioned earlier that I started this series before I was ready. Trying to recover and continue, I’ve run out of time; I’m taking a 10-day vacation this Tuesday. So, I leave you with some mind-ticklers to ponder, subjects on which I expect to elaborate later.

  1. Strongly motivated differently, the sexes have two motivational forces in common. Both want to get their way with the other, which stirs immense competition, which tends to separate them. And yet, both are designed to be compatible as a mate. It’s another of the gaps that only women can close.
  2. Although both sexes are born to get their way, a marriage prospers when wife gets her way in most of life together except his job.
  3. A woman marries for love and expects to get her way caring for her man. A man marries for comfort and convenience and expects to get his way in the details, which he earns and deserves by way of providing and protecting.
  4. Each wanting and expecting to get their way generates a competitive spirit that floods a couple, until wife nullifies it with cooperation.
  5. If wife competes with husband, his urge to dominate emerges and he intends to win. No man of significance loses to the weaker sex, so getting her way is the consequence of something other than competition.
  6. Both sexes are born with free will but someone must be in charge, if progress is the goal. If male dominance drives their bus, compatibility will get run over.
  7. The smart wife strives to get her way most of the time. She bows to husband getting his way only when he insists and she can’t satisfy him otherwise.
  8. Wife divides their life together into two spheres that overlap: One sphere is his job and she doesn’t go there. The rest of their life together is her sphere, and she strives to get her way in all of it.
  9. Where their spheres intersect, wife strives to reduce its size until only husband resides in it. It happens as her drive to get her way manifests as winning the competition of who governs their life together.
  10. Both adequate and satisfaction are undersold, and love is oversold in the scheme of life that leads to marital success.
  11. Love is never enough, because it doesn’t satisfy both parties. Both satisfaction in men and happy in women are built around adequacies. Unless fruitlessly chasing perfection, adequate is good enough as foundation for building mutual satisfaction in life together.
  12. Adequate can satisfy. If she is loved adequately, she’s close enough to being satisfied and can focus on something else. If his life with her is adequate, he’s close to being satisfied with his comfort, convenience, and her.
  13. If her man’s expressions of attention, affection, and romance are adequate to her, she’s satisfied that she’s loved. OTOH, direct expressions of her love of him satisfy her more than him.
  14. Neither sex is born to pursue perfection. Adequate is enough to breed satisfaction within a man provided it’s composed of enough smaller ‘adequates’. Any woman has the ability—outside her ability to love—to produce enough adequates to satisfy a husband’s expectations. She can read husband and identify his satisfaction with her performance and thereby keep him satisfied with both her and their living together.
  15. A simple guidance strategy exists to show wives how to build and manage almost everything in their wedded relationship. IOW, get her way most of the time.

Summarizing the above, I shall describe a simple model of how to make marriage work successfully, defined as good enough to avoid separation. It has two simple strategies, get her way and keep him satisfied. The devil is in the details, which each wife can exploit. The female nature is particularly designed to enable every woman to make better of her marriage.

8 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

8 responses to “2638. Good Women Lose Their Way Getting Their Way — 02

  1. May your vacation be blessed and restful. 🙂

  2. Miss Gina

    Fascinating. Have fun! 🙂

  3. Enjoy your vacation, looking forward to your next post

  4. Have a nice vacation!

  5. I naturally look to get my way with my man without competing, but I find he looks to get his way in spheres I feel I should control; such as our living situation.

    Currently, we live with his parents, my in-laws, due to a cross country move and a job offer with a relocation package that fell through. We’ve lived with my in-laws 5 months already and I think he and I should leave to move in to a small apartment together closer to my job.

    He says we will stay with his parents a few more months and save money and he’s unwilling to budge on this no matter what logical reasons I bring up…no privacy…my long commute to work…wasted money in gas and tolls…my inability to use his parents kitchen to cook meals…etc etc etc.

    We’ve pretty much negotiated everything in our relationship; a lot of times I get my way, so maybe this is adequate, but i’m wondering if there is a way, other than competing, that I can spill my way over into more areas of our lives?

    He’s a great provider. Usually he’s a generous and gentle man, but his hard NO’s are unbearable for me especially in this particular situation. Any advise or tips for me????

    Your Highness Leona,

    Welcome aboard. I love it when pretty women join us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    “my inability to use his parents kitchen to cook meals…etc etc etc.” Is he consuming his mom’s cooking? It’s a strong retainer. If so, living with mom is friendlier territory than getting out on his own after the move that fell through.

    From your disadvantages, I expect you moan a lot about your situation. Most people would. However, it enables mom to outshine you as person. If you expect a change, it should be toward how he views himself relative to his world, more satisfied with who and what he is and ready to move on to satisfy himself first and foremost. No more explanations of your problems or concerns.

    I suggest you not complain anymore. Find ways to admire his strengths by citing all those you can identify. No mention of his family or bad move deal. Instead, focus on his character, moral strength, sense of humor, work ethic, and all else that flooded your heart before you married him. Renew your courtship relationship but without all the lovey-dovey stuff. Don’t try to lift him up directly but indirectly make him think more of himself.

    Guy

    • Thanks a lot for your reply and advice. No he doesn’t eat his Mom’s cooking. His parents are a close knit couple who prefer to eat with one another, alone. Unless someone else is cooking (other family members or me) then there’s an expectation to buy enough food to share with everyone everytime. Everyone as in sister-in law and her child, grandmother, and sometimes an Aunt or an Uncle. So he and I eat out a whole lot!

      I’m realizing I do complain too much. But I do feel validated by you saying most people would moan about my situation. I get no sympathy from my own friends and family 😄

      Your Highness Leona,
      Sympathy is a poor guide for one’s motivational intuition. It offers no new light along one’s pathway. More light exists in your own mind and heart. What can and what can’t you live with?
      Guy

  6. SeekandFind

    Hi Sir Guy, welcome back!

    Based on your explanation, is a woman’s strengths in her ability to deal with life without complaining but still look for ways to get her way?

    Though part of me like this principle, and I know its possible, because I’ve tried practicing subtle ways to get my way, it works and quite fun too. There are times when its tough to not complain, the issue keeps getting bigger and bigger and guys are not shy at all about complaining. So are women suppose to always be the “tougher” or “stronger” person so to speak?

    It takes a lot of inner strength not to complain.

    Your Highness Seekandfind,

    Lot of inner strength not to complain? Of course, that’s why God made yours the superior gender. Anyone can dominate with enough outer strength or power. Those endowed with silent inner strengths can operate to get what’s most important to them.

    Silence smothers complaints. Respect flows toward those who neither complain nor explain themselves.

    The bigger the issue about which others complain, the tougher the one who admires silence that resides above the issue.

    You’re having fun? Keep at it. Guys who complain are looking for other option/choices but they refuse to accept it from gals. So, they indirectly follow the female lead, when a gal leads with respect, alternatives, and no explanations of herself or her call to not complain.

    Guy

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