“Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Miss Gina at 2636 shows the path on which I hope to leave a trail. She says, “I would submit that there is a false image of marriage that encourages women to put way too much expectation on husbands as far as what they can do for them. He … can’t be her best girlfriend, but so many women seem to think that’s what a man is for. While really, a husband provides or should provide a stable backdrop for the wife to operate in as she builds a stable [home, community of relations and friends, and marital interactions] around herself.” [Miss Gina at 2636.]
I emphasize this by Miss Gina: “[A] stable backdrop for the wife to operate….” That is, she gets her way in most marital matters and details of their life together. Except, of course, his job and marital subjects and issues in which he persists in getting his way until she can convince him otherwise.
Men want their way on matters of masculine interest and lack the skills to build and manage a relationship. Although, however, marriage legitimizes their trying to do so. Either wife generates marital success or it doesn’t happen. By success I don’t mean perfect or even a good marriage, but enough stability to stay together.
Marital success depends on two results. To the maximum extent permissible by husband, wife tends to govern all marital duties of which husband has no DIRECT interest. IOW, she accepts responsibility for everything but his job and those matters for which he seeks to accept responsibility. She gets her way by virtue of feminine initiative that eventually covers the marital venue.
A wife can love husband two ways. 1) Directly with constant attention, affection, and numerous versions of three little words. Don’t let him think that she is not at his side continually and always aware of his needs. 2) Indirectly by making his life more satisfying to himself and with her and their living together. By getting her way to his satisfaction, she comes to love taking care of all marital matters that completes their life together, his job excepted.
Option 1) fails easily. In spite of her expectations, affection and smother love do not motivate a man for much more than sex. Option 2) far more easily satisfies both him and her and thus brings success more easily to her.
Option 1) fails because a man does not marry for wife to love him. He marries to help himself improve his present day life and succeed in whatever he determines is his job and way of life. Her signs that she loves him exclusively, however, confirm his expectations of her faithfulness, without which their marriage likely fails.
The end result is this. Wife breeds marital success with this strategy. First, she strives to get her way in the building, shaping, and sustaining of both their relationship and living together. Second, while doing so, she keeps him satisfied with who she is and how they live together. By getting her way, she wins his satisfaction. 1) Satisfied with her and who she is. 2) Satisfied with what she does and how they live together. 3) Satisfied with himself for choosing to depart bachelorhood in favor of living within her venue of home, community of relations and friends, and marital interactions.
As always, she is in charge of all that surrounds her man and enables her to keep him focused on her rather than someone else.
P.S. Leaving town ASAP. Return about FEB 8.