2639. Good Women Lose Their Way Getting Their Way — 03


“Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Miss Gina at 2636 shows the path on which I hope to leave a trail. She says, “I would submit that there is a false image of marriage that encourages women to put way too much expectation on husbands as far as what they can do for them. He …  can’t be her best girlfriend, but so many women seem to think that’s what a man is for. While really, a husband provides or should provide a stable backdrop for the wife to operate in as she builds a stable [home, community of relations and friends, and marital interactions] around herself.” [Miss Gina at 2636.]

I emphasize this by Miss Gina: “[A] stable backdrop for the wife to operate….” That is, she gets her way in most marital matters and details of their life together. Except, of course, his job and marital subjects and issues in which he persists in getting his way until she can convince him otherwise.

Men want their way on matters of masculine interest and lack the skills to build and manage a relationship. Although, however, marriage legitimizes their trying to do so. Either wife generates marital success or it doesn’t happen. By success I don’t mean perfect or even a good marriage, but enough stability to stay together.

Marital success depends on two results. To the maximum extent permissible by husband, wife tends to govern all marital duties of which husband has no DIRECT interest. IOW, she accepts responsibility for everything but his job and those matters for which he seeks to accept responsibility. She gets her way by virtue of feminine initiative that eventually covers the marital venue.

A wife can love husband two ways. 1) Directly with constant attention, affection, and numerous versions of three little words. Don’t let him think that she is not at his side continually and always aware of his needs. 2) Indirectly by making his life more satisfying to himself and with her and their living together. By getting her way to his satisfaction, she comes to love taking care of all marital matters that completes their life together, his job excepted.

Option 1) fails easily. In spite of her expectations, affection and smother love do not motivate a man for much more than sex. Option 2) far more easily satisfies both him and her and thus brings success more easily to her.

Option 1) fails because a man does not marry for wife to love him. He marries to help himself improve his present day life and succeed in whatever he determines is his job and way of life. Her signs that she loves him exclusively, however, confirm his expectations of her faithfulness, without which their marriage likely fails.

The end result is this. Wife breeds marital success with this strategy. First, she strives to get her way in the building, shaping, and sustaining of both their relationship and living together. Second, while doing so, she keeps him satisfied with who she is and how they live together. By getting her way, she wins his satisfaction. 1) Satisfied with her and who she is. 2) Satisfied with what she does and how they live together. 3) Satisfied with himself for choosing to depart bachelorhood in favor of living within her venue of home, community of relations and friends, and marital interactions.

As always, she is in charge of all that surrounds her man and enables her to keep him focused on her rather than someone else.

P.S. Leaving town ASAP. Return about FEB 8.

11 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

11 responses to “2639. Good Women Lose Their Way Getting Their Way — 03

  1. Miss Gina

    I’m honored to have played a part in today’s post. Men are never so handsome as when they perfect a woman’s understanding of herself. 🙂

  2. Wonderful! I love taking personal responsibility. When I feel self pity its the pits.This is the high road Ladies☺ Have a safe and fun trip;-)

  3. Anon...

    a little off subject…
    why were these silly women being so crazy.. wanting SHARIA LAW at the ‘women’s march’ Jan 21–.. knowing what that means??
    being a slave??
    do they WANT men to DOMINATE THEM??….i wonder

    Your Highness Anon…
    They believe and act on what’s made popular by propaganda.
    Guy

    • Meow Meow

      I am not aware of any women who wanted Sharia Law there nor male domination—-quite the opposite!

      Your Highness Meow Meow,
      But they contribute to expanding both, aka getting what they don’t want.
      Guy

      • Miss Gina

        Dear Lady MeowMeow,

        Oddly enough, the march was organized by a Muslim woman with strong ties to Hamas who is known as an activist for spreading sharia. There were non-Muslim women there wearing the hijab in so-called solidarity with Muslim women. Of course, under sharia, the very act of wearing the hijab is considered a sign of subjection of women. We Americans need to be very careful of the signals we send–to Muslims, the images represent that American women are weak, foolish, and easy to subjugate. They certainly don’t stand for me or the women in my circle. It was not widely reported among mainstream press outlets but is easy enough info to find for those looking.

        Your Highness Miss Gina,
        Thank you.
        Guy

        • Meow Meow

          Thank you Lady Gina I’ll check it out! Sometimes politics seem to make strange bedfellows. It would be incongruent to march to want freedom for women but at the same time be a supporter of one of the most oppressive philosophies so I wonder why she would even want be involved. However I’m pretty sure that most women and girls there had no idea and even if they did know would have marched anyways as the bigger picture is sometimes more important than the details. And regardless from the signs most women were carrying they were very outspoken about wanting their voices heard and their freedom maintained.

          Sometimes I am annoyed when people both on right and left narrow “Women’s Issues” down to purely reproductive rights when it involves so much more than that. They focus on the areas that are most divisive rather than what the majority can find in common.

  4. Maddy

    Hi Sir Guy and ladies

    It has been some time since I posted last – I had a precious baby daughter a few months ago and I am loving being a mom – wish I’d started motherhood earlier!

    My husband however is not so satisfied with fatherhood. Our daughter does not easily settle in his arms. Sometimes it can take hours for her to settle. In the meantime I try to busy myself with doing the dishes or catching up on emails but it is hard to hear her crying so distraughtly as I know I could settle her very quickly. A few times I have gently intervened when it has been a long time, just so I can put her to sleep and husband and I can finally go to bed. When I intervene husband seems relieved but I can sense he feels saddened by the fact that he can’t “succeed” so well at settling our daughter.
    So today I did something I’m not sure was the right thing to do but it certainly seemed to relieve husbands concerns about his role as successful dad – I said that during the daytimes when he is at work that our daughter takes hours to settle and that I find it just as difficult to settle her (which is not the case). Was this the right thing to do? I know I have just undermined my role as mother for the sake of making husband feel better. I guess I also did it for selfish reasons too as due to husbands dissatisfaction-he has become more irritable in general and I don’t want him to feel this way at home. He has also started to give his own two cents on how I should mother – for example that I should not so quickly rush to attend to her crying because she should learn how to “self-settle”. I do agree that children need discipline but not at 8 weeks old! It is far too young! I have tried to gently let him know that a dad’s role is much more powerful when babies get older but he really wants to be one of those new-age dads who we have heard about in Denmark which I love him for but I’m uncertain how to manage this situation.

    Any advice from you Sir Guy or from the ladies would be most appreciated!

    Maddy

    Your Highness Maddy,

    I strongly urge you not to let the baby cry; it causes low self-esteem.

    Perhaps father is anxious, trying too hard, and the baby senses it. Or father’s body odor may even be too strange to baby.

    You may love hubby for his new-age desires, but that could be the problem. He’s no mom, so he should quit trying to nurture. Because it’s popular doesn’t make it best or even right. I don’t mean he can’t, but his effort may cause baby’s discomfort. His time as proactive father will come about the time of first grade. He can take it more slowly and the baby will rest better around him.

    Guy

    • MLaRowe

      I don’t think you need to say things like that in order for him to feel better.

      If he is a kind and caring person he will find his way with your child in time.

      If you are nursing, no judgement here either way, but if you are that baby: eats, touches, smells, hears and sees you. That is a major bond to a mother. It’s a lot on one person but it gets easier with time.

      I agree with what Sir Guy says about the father being more important as the years go by. They have a different perspective and different way to solve problems.

      While you may not always agree, if you think of you and him as in a team – not all the players have to do the same thing the same way for the family to benefit.

      I was never so grateful as I was when my husband allowed me to quit my full time job working to work part time and take care of the baby. Then later stay home completely after our second child was born (and he had health problems as an infant).

      Not trying to give advice but I would emphasize the things he does so well as a man, like helping keep you and baby feeling safe, providing for you, fixing things (or whatever his manly talents are).

      • MLaRowe

        I forgot to mention that I never personally let a baby “cry-it-out” because as a mother I had to trust my own instincts and those instincts said baby must have a reason to cry and it’s my mom job to figure out why.

        Still, every situation is different and you need to trust your instincts (and hopefully there are some good parental figures you know that you can talk to when you have a question).

  5. Sarabeth

    Sir Guy,

    Help me make sense of this situation. For a little under a year I’ve been dating this guy who has been and continues to be gentleman. The most significant difference has been the topic of sex. Before I agreed to be exclusive, sex seemed almost like an after thought on his part. His push for sex was always gentle. He would gave me room to turn him down while letting me know he still wanted to see me for a proper date. Since agreeing to be his girlfriend, while he still sets up proper dates it seems more so with the determination of getting me into bed. It feels like he’s doing what needs to be done to get me into bed, no more and no less. I am effectively being pursued; I feel the heat of the bullseye on me. I’ve been practicing virtual virginity so well he thinks I’m a virgin! He asked me if I was and I deflected. I know a man’s nature is to conquer attractive woman but I’m not sure what to make of all this attention. I’m waiting until marriage to seal the relationship so two questions come to mind. Does he see me as his wife and feel like he’s due a reward for his efforts? Or does he see me as his Mt. Everst -to be scaled and then done away with- because he thinks I’m a virgin?

    Your Highness Sarabeth,

    Welcome aboard. I love it when pretty women join us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    The way you describe it, he appears to be after sex more than you. So, I’d guess you’re his Mt. Everest. That does not mean you lose, yet at least. Don’t dump him yet; charm him into devotion to you rather than sex.

    “It feels like he’s doing what needs to be done to get me into bed, no more and no less.” I suggest you explore that point more closely. It’s the male nature to do so. However, the new habits he develops trying to please you add to your worth to him. His devotion can arise out of it.

    Is he doing more or just the same old things? Look up the devotion articles in the CONTENT page at blog top. Devotion is a process that develops over time, and it may lead you to better evaluate your situation. Also, article 2558 re a man’s love.

    Guy

    • Sarabeth

      Hi Guy,

      He is doing more in order to bed me. In his last bid for sex I told him I was still getting to know him. Being a crafty hunter he is now pushing for a second day because I normally see him once a week because of my schedule. He is also plans activities outside of dinner so our dates can be longer. Recently he asked me to provide examples of activities I might want him to participate in with the hopes I will get to know him enough to sleep with him. He told me he was running short on creativity. He also offered to attend church with me because he knows I’m a regular attendee.

      Your Highness Sarabeth,

      “Recently he asked me to provide examples of activities I might want him to participate in with the hopes I will get to know him enough to sleep with him.”

      He admitted that? If he remains dateworthy, take him at his word and make him a regular church attendee along the way. His motivation is not to wed you yet if ever, but it will end if you yield.

      Look for signs that he finds other actions to please you, not just the dates. See if he’s becoming devoted to you. It proves nothing yet, but it’s a good sign he may be learning that he wants you more than just sex.

      Guy

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