I will soon shift from marriage to the strategy for courtship success. In the meantime, the strategy for marital success needs elaboration.
Considering marriage, promises are much harder to sell than subsequent delivery. Unfortunately, women think the promise of endless love is enough, when it is not even the right emphasis for holding a relationship together.
Marriage boils down to these motivations. She marries for the promise of loving him above all others. He marries for the promise of greater satisfaction with his life. Period. Stop there. That’s it in a nutshell. If she betrays her promise to be faithful to him alone, or he accumulates dissatisfaction with her or their life together, their relationship crumbles in spite of her love.
After marriage her love isn’t aimed so much at him as at the things she does to enhance their marriage. It serves her more than him, because what she does adds value to her self-image and -worth. She feels good getting her way in so many facets of their life together. Nevertheless, that nutshell above determines how stable their relationship continues.
Two factors work endlessly in background mode to hold them together. 1) Not even a hint of her infidelity, and the absence of hints depend on his faith in her, and her lovable behavior underwrites that faith. 2) His satisfaction with himself for marrying her, which depends on his satisfaction with her likeability and satisfaction of living with her.
Unfortunately, he’s not looking for promises of loving him after marriage. He weighs her premarital love against the likelihood of her being faithful to him alone, and that’s good enough. IOW, before they marry, her love confirms that she’s likely to remain faithful. After they marry, her love solidifies and holds their foundation in place more than impressing him.
Her promise of endless love does little to convince him to marry. He tries to decide if he will be more satisfied than now with both himself and their life together. That she will keep him satisfied with her and their life together is a far better script to follow than using smother love.
How can she get her way and successfully govern their marital agenda if she lacks a measurement target, such as keeping him satisfied? It’s her game to win or lose. Not that it’s fair, but that it’s natural and intended from birth. Blame attached to him makes matters worse, because it activates competition and men don’t lose to their woman. Thus, she’s responsible for marital success.