Her Highness Sarina inquired with a subject I pondered for several years. The bold questions are hers. (Courtship series promised but not yet ready.)
“Sometimes I wonder: should wives keep affection strictly for intimate moments only?”
Yes, mostly, except for wise women who work their feminine talent to get it more often as shown below. She lives for moments of affection and intimacy and reaches for it with hugs, kisses, and words. Although he may have developed an expectation in childhood, he isn’t born with the need of affection and intimacy, which makes its importance relative to what’s on his mind.
“Are men irritated when wives constantly hug and lavish them with sugary words?”
Yes, but not for the reason you might expect. Hugs and sugary words are enjoyable, confirm his importance, and can lead to sex. It’s irritable for two reasons. 1) Men don’t like surprises, even small ones from people who ought to know them better. 2) Her timing disrupts his preoccupation with something else that to a man is usually more important than affection.
Men are in thought processes constantly and affection plays a tiny if any role. Thinking preoccupies them. Even sitting around and apparently unoccupied, they think about accomplishments, ambitions, plans, jobs, intentions, their competition, what to do next, and other ways of earning self-admiration. Their first and awesome responsibility is to stay on top of their lives with those in it and to do what’s proper and necessary. Hugs, sugary words, and proactive displays of affection are not part of that mental agenda, except when men want something. Thus, interruptions are usually unwelcome.
Even worse, interruptions can irritate. Couples usually learn to live with irritations. This is hard to imagine, but couples come in every version possible. When interruptions of hugs and sugary words register as irritation, her likeability can deteriorate in his mind. Enough deterioration and his love begins to wilt. Too many interruptions aka surprises to fill her bank of convictions that she’s important to him, and she may push him away. A better way exists to draw him into her feminine web and displace interruptions with desirable consequences.
Women instinctively know a better way; they simply rely on female strengths to get their way. Following is a good example of how to get her way and keep him satisfied with her.
Developed into a habit with feminine qualities, the following actions can add pleasure to a relationship. The habit of predictable and pleasant behavior comforts a man, and a comfortable man is usually a satisfied man, at least for the moment or more.
SITUATION. They are married. He currently reads the paper, sits on the lawn mower, watches his favorite team on TV, or whatever. She knows he’s thinking about something other than affection, love, or intimacy unless sex is also involved and maybe not even then.
In the kitchen, sensing the uncomfortable return of an all too familiar negative moment, she finds deep need for a hug or kiss to confirm her importance. Or, to express her gratitude for him. Or, she just wants to tell him how she feels. Or, she seeks to reward him for pleasing her. Or, she just wants to share her love. For whatever reason and out of the blue, she needs a ‘fix’.
ACTION. She goes and stands quietly next to him until he looks at her. She asks if she can enter HER cave for a short visit. On his affirmative, she plops in his lap and snuggles for her fix. She planned it before and she makes him laugh, somehow, before she rises.
ROUTINE. By making that her standard habit, she reinforces these matters each time she needs a fix:
- He is neither interrupted nor surprised. He knows what to expect. Being able to predict what will likely happen confirms that he gets his way. It has a comforting side to it.
- She gets her way by using feminine charm that makes him smile. She outwits him by doing things as he likes them, which he appreciates.
- She confirms her respect by getting permission to enter her cave. She shows her dependence on him to provide her fix. Two of the more valuable expression of her gratitude she can make to convince him that she remains likeable and he chose correctly.
- She gets her fix beneath the umbrella of his smile. Matching smiles do a lot to harmonize mutual likeability.
- She leaves him laughing, which adds to her likeability, his comfort, and their fun of sharing affection.
- He can learn to like affection and such interruptions, when she doses the situation liberally with those itemized bullets above and other feminine qualities that he admires.
After a few such episodes, he figures from her uplifting actions that he doesn’t doubt his kingpin role in her heart. Moreover, he concludes that she has both entertainment and comforting qualities not previously displayed and for which he can both admire and respect her. Taken together, those are satisfying thoughts about his wisdom for having proposed they marry.