Primarily men are producers; they make things happen. Women are processors; they make relationships work. Courtship is a process, which means a structure exists for it, and women are far more responsible for success than men.
Two conditions are necessary for courtship to succeed long term. 1) His respect of her that she has to earn. 2) Her love of him that she should make him earn in spite of her emotional connections that arise easily and early.
Two turning points determine the stages of the courtship process: conquest and his devotion to her.
A man’s devotion develops from actions that please her more and more for the purpose of pleasing her. It thereby keeps her satisfied and more interested in what he does, especially for her. His devotion becomes well bonded, when he habitually pleases her for little more than to please himself.
The pressure for conquest is ever present. She determines when it happens, and it consequently shifts them into another courtship stage.
Four courtship stages exist. Each has its own characteristics, none without risk to her.
A. They do not have sex and his devotion to her has not developed. Her best interest is to work harder to gain his respect, which is more easy by foregoing sex and magnifying his intent to not let her escape without conquest. Frustrated desire for sex motivates a man to work harder to earn a woman. OTOH conquest motivates a man toward other things than pleasing her, perhaps another woman.
B. They do not have sex but his devotion to her has developed. As he becomes devoted in spite of her withholding sex, it is the most promising she can expect. She’s doing courtship right. Her future with him seldom looks brighter.
C. They do have sex but without his devotion. This is the most risky for her; his intentions can change with little provocation. Without his devotion, her hold on him is fragile at best.
D. They do have sex and he is devoted to her. Her prospects may look favorable, but conquest releases him to also look elsewhere. So, matters may be more temporary than permanent, but usually hopeful until he pulls back or dumps her for whatever reason.
E. They have been doing sex together, but she decides to stop. He may or may not be devoted. Women are often unsure of their boyfriend or courting man. This extra stage E is designed to uncover whether he’s after her or just sex, or if he’s as devoted as he says. For reasons that are bigger than she—such as religious conviction or moral imperative—she begs off providing sex. If he doesn’t honor her desire to go chaste for some reason above herself, he is not all that committed to her; it reflects an unreadiness and perhaps unwillingness to build a future with her.
How a woman handles herself and conducts relationship connections depends on which stage she currently is in. If you question me about any courtship subject, mention the stage by A, B, etc. as you are currently engaged, and my response will be more relevant to your question and cause.