2654. Strategy for Courtship — 06: How Women Do Better—I


This series is based on how the male and female natures interact in the dating and courtship process. Personalities are very different and women as relationship experts inherit the burden to match up mutual interest into compatibility and seal the deal for both courtship and marriage. Relationship success emerges less traumatically when women act more like the female nature and focus on exploiting the best qualities in the male nature. Hopefully, this series will assist in understanding what women are up against.

  1. For dating and courtship, she is forever the buyer to him as seller. As he is forced by her resistance to promote himself worthy enough to win her, it programs his heart and mind that she’s evermore appealing, attractive, and valuable to his life. If she makes his win easy, her price is too low, and she becomes less attractive to him.
  2. The purpose of dating and courtship is to provide the guy with opportunity and guidance to win her allegiance and loyalty to him. The more proactively she tries to do his job and give him her allegiance and loyalty, the quicker he wants to jump ship. She should coast as on a downhill, while he pumps as if going uphill.
  3. If she doesn’t dress up to please him for the time they spend together, he gets used to her insignificant appearance. He’s quickly satisfied that she has little else to offer at looking attractive. Conquest appeals to him but little else.
  4. Fellatio qualifies as conquest. His dominance is reinforced and his respect for her stops growing instinctively. She bought into him, so he need not sell himself any more. If he’s good enough for her to yield that way, their competition for conquest is over; he already ‘owns’ her, which becomes his attitude as his respect also stops growing. She’s no longer the best for him, if she ever was. (Doesn’t necessarily end their sex life, but he’s no longer the seller to her as buyer.)
  5. She feeds him often and he develops the habit of looking to her for meals. Her allure fades as his habit becomes satisfying; he doesn’t earn her feeding him. She remains valuable, but it’s a married kind without excitement of anticipating victory and has little courtship holding power. It they shack up, it adds little to her ability to swing them toward marriage.
  6. Let him know that he’s loved immensely, and he knows he ‘owns’ her. He has obviously succeeded as seller. Why keep trying to win her? Why invest more, if she’s already won? Game may not be over, but her momentum fades.
  7. Give him first-time sex together, and his male nature frees him to start looking for someone else. It’s not her fault that he’s that way. It’s his instinctive mindset to conquer every attractive woman who permits it. That primal sex drive is ravenous, except as one woman’s likeability and loyalty convince him that he is willing to forego all others, if he can have her exclusively in his life.
  8. If she convinces him to be exclusive from others during courtship, it’s a weak connection. If he works hard to get her to agree to it, it’s more likely to be a strong connection.

More to follow.


Filed under Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

5 responses to “2654. Strategy for Courtship — 06: How Women Do Better—I

  1. I’ve been enjoying reading along. This was well said, “For dating and courtship, she is forever the buyer to him as seller.”

    I’m always a bit uncomfortable thinking of people in economic terms, but it was really helpful in my marriage. It brought some clarity. So when you think of a guy as a seller, than you can see that he is always engaged in the process of demonstrating his worth and value to you. So once you are married, you simply want to make sure that he knows you are pleased with the product he is offering. Then he feels good about himself and is pleased to be offering it.

  2. Thanks for the post. I love this series. I don’t understand the bit about cooking for him. Do you think a woman should abstain from preparing meals for him until she’s his wife?

    Your Highness Lostandsometimesfound,

    Women have heard from centuries ago, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. It’s obsolete.

    It’s okay to feed him once in a while. Best if he has to do something to please you, after which you reward him with a meal. Nothing special, no big fancy candle light affairs. Just a nice meal, meat loaf and potatoes, etc. The fancier you dine him, the more desperate you appear and the more easily he takes you for granted.

    Don’t do it regularly or give him the impression you’re his woman. Just be neighborly or friendly.

    I like your idea best. Not until he marries you, but not if it becomes awkward or too obvious.


    • gonemaverick

      “Women have heard from centuries ago, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. It’s OBSOLETE.” Really?!

      Your Highness Gonemaverick,

      Yes, really! It’s an old wives’ tale from when food was scarce, there was virtually nothing in the way of entertainment for couples, girls learned to cook early in life and it was routine, men worked long hours and longed for good food for recovery, sex was not routinely available for entertainment, money was scarce for beer and frolicking, women wore unattractive apparel out of frugality or scarcity of money, and three meals a day was the standard. In those days, a nice meal for a man was very impressive and added to her worth as prospective mate.

      Over the years, things have changed. Few girls learn to cook and have to use other lures. Fast food and snacks upstage food prep. Men are not used to it and suspect her motivation as a trap. Cooking a big meal sends the message that she must love him to go to such trouble, and non-disclosure of that fact works best for her. Also, it’s usually an unearned gift, and men don’t appreciate those. So, for all her plans and trouble, she adds little to the permanence of their relationship.

      The way to a man’s heart today is that she’s not available for whatever he wants to do that doesn’t improve her worth in his eyes. She does it indirectly. She makes him the seller, her the buyer, and she sets her price very high so that he has to earn more of her admiration in order to get her to accept and order whatever he has to offer. It excludes sex, because as soon as she yields, he abandons the seller role and she becomes the seller hoping to get him to buy into her.


      • Anon...

        I think, its different IF she likes to cook.. and not for a chore to GET HIM…
        she is in a bad position that way

  3. Kay

    It does sound counterintuitive but I think it is true. I think in general that guys seem to get cocky and comfortable pretty quick with a woman’s love for them and having a meal made for them is another instance where he can say to himself, ” Gotcha”. It’s another unearned gift.

    Your Highness Kay,
    I agree with all you say. Shorter and thus more modern than my response to Gonemaverick.

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