2655. Strategy for Courtship—06: How Women Do Better—II

  1. In marriage, the successful wife satisfies husband and works to keep him that way. It works opposite in courtship. He becomes satisfied if she lets him take her for granted, and he slows or quits pleasing her or seeking to stay on her good side. Without blaming or accusing him, she should quit accepting being taken for granted.
  2. Men seek to marry a virtuous woman. Her virtues are feminine qualities that he uncovers during courtship, admires as special for him or uniquely different from other women, and satisfies him when thinking of her.
  3. A man doesn’t marry to make a woman or himself happy. He marries after he convinces himself he will be more satisfied living with her than continuing with his current life. Men live to satisfy themselves first. If one is willing to take someone into his life, she becomes obligated to keep him satisfied with both her and their living together. (However, after years in a satisfying marriage, men who adapt into good husbands soften their need of masculine self-satisfying, single-minded independence.)
  4. Their hearts and minds are hardwired differently. Women are born hard-headed and soft-hearted; men are hard-headed and hard-hearted. It takes a good woman and many satisfying years together to convert her man’s hard-heartedness into something softer. Hoping to accomplish that adds luster to a wife’s dreams to shape a brighter future. It begins in courtship.
  5. In both dating and courtship, the sides are motivated by different objectives. Men seek to conquer without obligation; it’s his nature. Women seek to marry; instinct tells them to withhold conquest as the most helpful lure. By her delaying conquest, he has time to learn of her admirable qualities that he perceives as promise for him to have a more satisfying life with her.
  6. Women should not inquire about his love or intentions; leave that to him to disclose at his discretion. Even innocently inquiring about it can make a gal look desperate, and it makes her less likeable and attractive. Moreover, men don’t respect desperate women; who knows what she will do next?
  7. Women should not believe a man’s “I love you” until multiple and various actions demonstrate it conclusively. It’s too easy for a man to be insincere in the pursuit of conquest, just as it’s too easy for a woman to be insincere in her quest to marry or gain some other advantage.
  8. Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. Her love disclosed too eagerly or given too freely doesn’t register in dating and courtship with the results a woman wishes or expects. Her closed lips and crossed legs encourage men to give her plenty to listen to, and she can more accurately figure out just who he is and what he’s after.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, sex differences

6 responses to “2655. Strategy for Courtship—06: How Women Do Better—II

  1. msarianne

    My Dear Sir Guy,
    I am loving this series. I like to observe how what you detail here, about men’s nature, plays out in life. You know what you are talking about. Very accurate.
    Regarding number 6. That’s what I did. I inquired about his intentions, might as well have said “I like you” because that’s how he interpreted it. It was the first mistake and I could not recover from it.
    Ladies: don’t do it! His intentions will reveal themselves in time.

  2. Anon...

    if he does things for her.. like help with her car.. etc.. are more of a sign he loves you.. anyway
    and NEVER use 6—it makes you sound like his MOTHER.. instead of a fun girlfriend

  3. Southernbelle

    Could you elaborate more on number 1 “quit accepting being taken for granted” in courtship (no conquest).

    Your Highness Southernbelle,

    Kay provides a good answer nearby. As a man, I’m not aware of specifics that women consider takes them for granted.

    Writing the blog I view it as a woman feeling shorted on something. Too little attention, too little recognition, too little affection, too little acceptance of her thoughts or decisions, too little of whatever she considers important. Therefore, she personally makes the call, because she intends to challenge him about it.


  4. Kay

    I think one example of accepting being taken for granted is being available at a moments notice ( because he didn’t Give you much notice) and especially changing former plans you had with girlfriends to do so. Don’t succumb! It pushes them away, not draws them closer.
    Also, not standing up for yourself in some way. or not asking questions to get clarity for yourself related to vague plans to get together or comments from him you don’t understand. All of this can be accomplished in a very lady like way but they get the point.

    • surferkayjun

      Great explanation!

    • Southernbelle

      Ok I think I understand. I suppose I viewed being taken for granted more if there’s an established commitment or within marriage. In dating if she feels this way she’s giving too much of herself disproportionate to what she feels he’s giving her and he should be in pursuit mode. She should withdraw and see if he pursues or withdraws. I guess I don’t see her asserting a conversation about it as being helpful. His actions speak for themselves. Ladies and Sir Guy, your thoughts?

      Your Highness Southernbelle,
      Yes, I think you understand how to react and get what’s best for you.

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