2656. Strategy for Courtship — 05: Where Women Go Wrong—III


This is no alibi for men. Their weaknesses are for another day and way.

Both sexes growing up develop bad motivational habits that weaken their ability to earn what they seek later in life. Men lack the natural willfulness to self-identify, admit, and correct their weaknesses; mostly they don’t think they have any.

OTOH, women are born motivated to be good. She strives to do good and become a better person. Two options are available. She seeks to be better just to please herself. Or she does it after inspiration arises from having a man in her life. The social marketplace today favors the latter, which lets women associate more freely looking for Mr. Right. However, the former attracts more mature men who are willing to appreciate her maturity. They more readily step up to living with feminine standards and expectations that make  a permanent relationship attractive to them.

If a woman spots any tendency toward the weaknesses below, then avoidance put into practice during courtship helps develop better habits for marriage. Studying each item backward may help a woman examine herself for individual weaknesses. Of course, no woman has to do such a self-examination; wives have the privilege of being bitchy, bossy, facetious, or hateful if sufficiently provoked.

The following display negative effects seen by men—e.g., bitchiness—followed by the likely cause. Men may not know what to call it, but they recognize and resent the cause:

♥ Bitchiness that flows from negative emotions aimed at him or others.

♥ Bitterness brought on by inability to make life come out as she directs or expects.

♥ Bossiness shown by interfering with decisions he makes.

♥ Busyness caused by pursuing her personal agenda rather than theirs.

♥ Carelessness prompted by her weak sense of responsibility.

♥ Facetiousness prompted by her fear of being wrong.

♥ Faithlessness that follows lack of respect of him or them together.

♥ Fearfulness brought on by mistakes or failures that she might repeat.

♥ Fussiness inspired by her desire for perfection.

♥ Hatefulness prompted by dislike of herself.

♥ Loneliness imagined and magnified when he’s not with her.

♥ Lonesomeness begrudged by husband’s need to function outside the home.

♥ Moodiness that flows from inability to control events to her satisfaction.

♥ Phoniness energized by fear that her true character will be found out.

♥ Political correctness brought on by her sense of being victimized.

♥ Quarrelsomeness that emerges from her insistence to have her way.

♥ Selfishness she was allowed to develop into habit as a child.

♥ Sloppiness that reflects badly on husband to his friends and competitors.

♥ Unfaithfulness that causes her man’s sense of significance to crumble.

♥ Unhappiness caused by her lack of self-gratitude and gratitude for others.

♥ Untidiness, the nesting merits of which she was never taught in childhood.

If she combines too many or related combinations of the weaknesses above, she can become a dysfunctional personality to live with. Not in the clinical but the compatibility sense. The kind of woman that makes divorced men assert, “I just got tired of her s***!

9 Comments

Filed under courtship, How she loses, marriage

9 responses to “2656. Strategy for Courtship — 05: Where Women Go Wrong—III

  1. Meow Meow

    Dear Sir Guy—I have a couple more negative qualities for you—would you describe the roots or effects of female “fearfulness” and “faithlessness” as you see them?

    Your Highness Meow Meow,
    Thanks, I have posted both.
    Guy

  2. msarianne

    The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her own hands.
    Proverbs 14:1
    Good list Sir Guy!

  3. Great post Sir Guy or should I say men are never more handsome than when they write about relationships?

    In a similar vein, what is the best response to a man who says to a woman “I love you”? Would a good reply be “I respect you” or should she simply say “I love you too”

    Your Highness Mary Wumths,

    You might consider these depending on relationship development and your judgment as to his sincerity:

    • Men are never more handsome than when they say that.

    • What makes you, or what’s behind you saying that? Where do you suggest it takes us?

    • Thank you. You certainly know how to make a gal feel good.

    • I’m surprised. I would never have guessed it.

    • Thanks. You were a special guy in my life before you ever said that.

    • As much as I like to hear those words, actions mean more to me.

    • As much as I love to hear it, those words are not nearly enough to get me in bed.

    It’s a tough call to make when you hear those words the first time from a man. Be prepared at all times; just how will you respond? If you say I love you too, he’s satisfied that you now pretty much belong to him. Its good if he’s sincere and primarily after you. It’s ungood if he’s primarily after sex. However, it’s probably too early for you to tell the difference. By not attesting your love, he has to work harder for it and it provides more time and evidence to judge his true intent, sex or you.

    Guy

    • Thanks for your response Sir Guy. What if you have been married for a while to your man and he says I Love You. Would you want to hear I love you back or would hearing I respect you sound better to you as a married man?

      Your Highness Mary Wumths,

      In your case, I love you is a very good response.

      Men think of respect as being earned and not as obvious as words might suggest it. Showing your respect indirectly is better than disclosing it with words.

      A surprise treat at evening meal can both reward his words and confirm your respect. Feminine fussiness disclosed surprisingly and significantly can close both doors.

      Guy

  4. Femme

    Sir Guy,
    It was really helpful.
    Only one problem:

    Facetiousness prompted by her fear of being wrong?

    I’m not sure how to understand this. Why would facetiousness be the result of her of being wrong and why would men mind? Compared to all the other faults this one seems trifle enough.

    Your Highness Femme,
    It’s her fear that produces facetiousness or flippancy to hide it. Men may not mind but someone showing fear lessens manly respect. So, facetiousness is not good practice, as with the other items in the post.
    Guy

  5. Femme

    Sir Guy,
    I’m so sorry for probing but right now my eyes are like saucers…
    I don’t understand how a woman showing fear can lessen manly respect.
    I do know a man however who has been really difficult to deal with because he either jokes about serious stuff or gets angry and takes leave whenever a straight answer/decision is expected of him. There is no middle way, i.e. an honest and productive conversation, making plans etcetera.
    Is this because he is trying to cover up fear?

    Your Highness Femme,

    Have you heard this before? Men are different from women. Among competitors, fear shows up as weakness, and weaker opponents are shown less respect.

    As to your last question, it could be. Men do not intend to lose a competitive battle with the weaker sex. Consequently, men avoid competitive encounters with their woman and those they hope to conquer.

    Guy

    • Meow Meow

      Hi Femme, I was asking about fearfulness as well. Sir Guy wrote the cause of it and I think loss of manly respect is the effect of it.
      Maybe because men want to respect the one they are marrying:
      Fearfulness implies you could be easily coerced or led into doing things that might betray him or the family, or make bad decisions out of fear.

      I know that showing fear or even discussing my fears to my husband sadly only seems to annoy, pressure or anger him, not make him want to help me. He responds best when I set out a rational approach and ask for his help with something. Even then he may grumble about it, but later take it more seriously as something he should consider.

  6. Femme

    Lady Meow Meow,
    thank you for replying. I’m still not understanding this, sadly, maybe because I once did a relationship course whereby the coach advised that the best way to connect with a man’s heart is through our feelings. She taught that as women we should communicate with feeling messages, e.g. “when you do/say this or that, I feel….”.
    Come to think of it, we are women, we are supposed to feel, don’t we?
    Fear also usually signifies something, like our bodies letting us know we are in some sort of danger.

    I even thought if a woman was fearful and the man managed to assuage her fears (through manly actions, for example) it made him feel more of a man.
    The only situation I can think of when a man would lose respect for a woman would be when she would fear HIM.
    Is there anywhere on this blog I could read up on this subject?

    Your Highness Femme,

    You reduced this statement to another argument. It’s the facetiousness that is the issue here.

    “Facetiousness prompted by her fear of being wrong.”

    Her fear of being discovered about something prompts her to be facetious or flippant to hide it, to not let him know of her fear; e.g., she’s gaining weight and dislikes herself for it and doesn’t want him to know she’s hooked on food. It’s trying to hide her sense of inadequacy; she’s being disingenuous. And it can cost her someone’s respect. It’s not a disorder, but usually a personality trait developed into habit.

    You said, “Compared to all the other faults this one seems trifle enough.” Perhaps to you, but not to those who like to toss off personal problems with flippancy or facetiousness.

    Guy

    • Meow Meow

      Oh yes I’m not saying your fears are necessarily wrong, BTW, and you must listen to what your senses/body is telling you. You must first trust your instincts. It is feminine and 100% necessary for your self preservation to do so.

      More i am talking about, an immediate fear that a guy can do something about, like put out a fire or chase away an angry dog, vs. long term, worried fears about say, not having enough money or whether we are able to keep a roof overhead….that kind of fear although understandable, if expressed often enough can make a man feel useless or annoyed IME.

      I don’t feel that any of these feelings are “wrong” to have, they may make perfect sense depending on where you are coming from, it is just that their negative effects if expressed often enough can impact one’s relationship.

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