2657. Strategy for Courtship—06: How Women Do Better—III


  1. Mother love in women, and a man’s deep respect for a woman who delays conquest until marriage, are both unique motivators. Both are unconditional and last for life. Other motivational energies are conditional and may or may not last, e.g., love, marital obligation, sexual partnering, likeability, and mutual attraction.
  2. Women easily understand the nature of mother love, and how it motivates mothers. However, many can’t grasp the masculine equivalent that motivates men to chase women; it’s too contrary to woman-think. Men possess two distinctly different sex drives. The primary is the universal urge to conquer attractive women. The secondary drive governs his behavior with women already conquered. His primary drive and mother love are not mutual in function but alike in intensity, longevity, uniqueness, and vital importance to the respective sex.
  3. Needing a man’s respect to be loved, she earns it two ways: First, delay conquest as long as she can. If she succeeds in holding out for marriage first, she earns his unconditional respect, and it lasts a lifetime even though they may break up from other causes. Second, a less permanent form of his respect grows as she overcomes difficulties to accomplish other goals. His respect earned that way is both conditional and easily overwhelmed by negative influences.
  4. Without respecting her, a man’s proclaimed love is just not true. If his actions don’t symbolize respect, his words of love are insincere. The connection of respect and actions is so tight as to be proportional. His greater respect enables and brings forth more devoted actions. (Provided however that she otherwise qualifies for his love. Specifically, he perceives her as hugely likeable and exclusively loyal to him.)
  5. She lives for the future; he lives for the present. However, their hearts work opposite to it. Living in the present, it takes months for his personal deliberations to result in a change in his heart that includes future responsibility for marriage and family. OTOH, she continually shapes her future to match her dreams and expectations for a brighter life. Possessed of girlhood dreams to guide her, she is much faster and prolific in making decisions in the present—especially if she has a man with whom she expects to do something. The pressures of courtship work out the details of compatibility, except that women often expect too much too soon and scare off their man.
  6. Her love isn’t nearly as important to her man as she thinks and hopes. Men are not guided to the altar by her love; it guides her but not him. He’s attracted and held by her likeable and promising persona and his expectations that she can be loyal to him above all others—of which her love is crucial.
  7. In dating and courtship, men rule but women run the show. The more a woman knows about men, the better she can author the script to grow pleasant compatibility and relationship harmony. The next item (8) depends largely on her running their show successfully.
  8. If she expects their relationship to last a long time, two ingredients are essential. Many dates and months are needed for two things to develop in the masculine mind: 1) his respect of her and her likeability and loyalty. 2) Not her words of promise, but the promise he sees that he will be more satisfied living with her than living by himself or with someone else. His respect of her, her likeability and loyalty, and the promise he sees with her are foundations that come before his true love develops.

2 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2 responses to “2657. Strategy for Courtship—06: How Women Do Better—III

  1. Dear Sir Guy,
    There is a woman I know of whose fiancé went away on a trip before they were engaged without her. On his trip he went to bars and clubs where strippers worked. After they got engaged she told him bars and clubs were unacceptable to her and she would be gone if he continued. Do you think her telling him that he can’t go to strip clubs is effective? Do you think she should just not marry him if she has a problem with this behavior since men rarely change? They have already slept together before marriage and engagement.

    Your Highness Mary Wumths,

    “Do you think her telling him that he can’t go to strip clubs is effective?” So unlikely as to not even try.

    “Do you think she should just not marry him if she has a problem with this behavior since men rarely change?” Probably best way to avoid a short marriage. However, there may be a way, see below.

    “They have already slept together before marriage and engagement.” No way of knowing how important she is to his future, except that engagement is a favorable sign.

    You make it sound like she thinks it’s decision time; she has to know more reliably what his behavior will be outside of her sight. Only one way exists and it’s risky, or she can live with what she currently faces and hope for the best.

    Sex neither bonds nor keeps a man. Only a good, feminine, likeable, loyal, and well respected (by him) woman can keep a man tied down to her loyally. If she has to know, the only way to uncover his true intentions is to withdraw from sexual activity until they marry. She needs good moral or religious reasons to justify shifting back to chastity, and she needs in no way to criticize, punish, or blame him for her decision. Her conscience must be her guide.

    If he values her enough to make a good husband, he will honor her wishes because he can’t do without her in his life. If he’s after sex more than her, he will not accept her decision to deprive him of her sexual favor. She has to be patient to really uncover whether she or sex is most important to him, but the test isn’t over until they marry without sex in the meantime.

    If they stay together and marry, strip joints may still attract him if his business buddies do it too. However, if he honors her wishes for premarital chastity, it’s a good sign that she’s highly important to him and conceivably he could honor her wishes (not demands) about such clubs.

    Guy

    • Sounds like a lose-win situation rooted in a feminist mindset. She’s bossing him around and telling him the way it’s going to be; he shows just enough compliance to shut her up and keep the sex free (literally) and easy (for him). If things are as described, whether or not she really wants marriage with him, he’s never going to walk down the aisle with her.

      Just as a reminder of what feminism has done for women–NOT–here is an essay that lays it all out almost as clearly as WWNH.

      Your Highness Edith Mcklveen,
      I agree with the article you cite. Excellence in a woman is what makes her sex the superior one and enables women to get their way in spite of the dominant sex. That’s what Feminism reversed by striving for equality that is never achievable anyway; it only makes women lower themselves to the masculine level.
      Guy

      http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/throw-like-a-girl

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