2658. Strategy for Courtship—06: How Women Do Better—IV

And you say, what does all this have to do with courtship? And I say, when she makes marriage an endless courtship, marital success will be hers. Men are born to rule the world, but she is born to run her world.

Both sexes are born to get their way in life, and it fosters competition within a couple, whether courting, engaged, or married. However, they think differently. He primarily thinks on getting his way among the big things outside the relationship. He’s not too interested in domestic matters, and expects a wife to get her way dealing with them. It releases her to think about and govern all the big things in a couple’s life, especially those at which she hopes to get her way such as domestic harmony and bright future.

She can’t run her world unless she’s primarily in charge. Thus, courtship is the proving grounds for her to condition his thinking so that she gets her way beyond the altar. Of course it’s not that simple, so I offer strategies to make it work. These strategies capitalize on using female strengths to conquer male resistance and convince her man that she’s the best for him.

  1. She primarily allows him to get his way in courtship and uses togetherness to indirectly and discreetly persuade him to get her way in marriage.
  2. She squelches her attitude that finds reasons to resent him or his contributions and make her think he’s not worth it. If he’s not worth her, she shouldn’t continue with him.
  3. She divides their marital world into two domains. 1) Those matters for which he is responsible and from which she is typically disconnected: his job, hobby, manly habits in which she has no vital role, and domestic tasks for which he accepts responsibility. 2) All else that she accepts as her responsibility is her domain. Clear, mutually accepted, and dedicated fulfillment of responsibilities in both domains prevent disagreement and disappointment and enable harmony to arise under her coaching.
  4. She sets her objective to eventually get her way in all domestic matters. It may take years before she runs the whole show to her satisfaction. Meanwhile, she lets him have his way without interference in his domain. It doesn’t mean she disconnects from his domain, she just doesn’t intrude when she’s not wanted.
  5. She recognizes that a man’s objective in life is to be satisfied with himself as much as possible. She balances their life together by keeping him satisfied as she strives to get her way. Success flows out of this: She spots him as dissatisfied with something, and she finds a way to switch him to be satisfied with himself. His dissatisfaction with her or living with her is not something to leave dangling; it cripples a marriage.
  6. During courtship she earns his gratitude by finding importance in what he says and does. She listens well without expecting him to do the same. Little else is more important. Particularly what he says as he describes himself, his life, dreams, intentions, expectations, and perhaps his view of her. If he can’t convince her of his importance, she’s of little interest to him except for conquest. Moreover, it’s no time for her to disagree, if he’s keepable.
  7. It reverses after marriage. Then, her gratitude plus her dependence keep him convinced of his importance and her desire to listen to what he says. Even when he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, he expects his woman to listen. It reinforces self-respect, the equivalent of self-love to women.
  8. After marriage, she’s both able and willing to use her gratitude and dependence to promote his importance, while she slowly whittles their relationship to where she can more easily get her way in domestic affairs. Don’t take that to read or encourage manipulation. It’s simple recognition that she intends to get her way in many things that come up in the future, and she’s willing to take time and build agreement to get her way. She has numerous opportunities and intentions to do meaningful things, because she stays focused on their life ahead and he focuses more on the present.
  9. As with courtship, he rules but she runs the marital show. Even though he expects not to fail at marriage because he’s too good to expect not to succeed, she accepts responsibility for success.

If men can’t manage a relationship, and they can’t except using tactics of dominance, then they can’t be held accountable either. The expectations described in this series may help women see that they should be in charge if success is to be found in courtship and marriage. In charge, however, does not mean to boss him in any way; it means to anticipate and arrange things so their life together develops pleasantly and keeps him satisfied that he did right to choose her.

1 Comment

Filed under courtship, dear daugher, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

One response to “2658. Strategy for Courtship—06: How Women Do Better—IV

  1. Thanks for another insightful post Sir Guy. Please could you provide an example of how a woman can switch him to be satisfied with himself to further clarify this sentence:

    “She spots him as dissatisfied with something, and she finds a way to switch him to be satisfied with himself.”

    Your Highness Mary Wumths,

    He either doesn’t know why, or he may be unable or not want to describe something to her. However, she should not leave him dissatisfied. So, she takes charge with the intention of getting her way, and it’s another opportunity for her advance their mutual agenda.

    Most likely he’s dissatisfied with either her or their living together. Being unable to change him, she searches around and uncovers what’s troubling him. She takes charge, doesn’t tell him what to do. She evaluates their situation and either changes her behavior modifies their interaction, or upgrades their living together as necessary for him to see things diffently.

    All aimed at ways that cause his dissatisfaction to settle back into satisfaction with himself. If she catches his dissatisfaction early, it doesn’t take perfection or even more than a gentle nudge to improve the situation or their relationship. She only has to satisfy him with himself, which usually flows out of being satisfied with both her and how they live together.

    If his dissatisfaction is with his job or some other responsibility within his domain, she has a tougher problem. Encourgement probably and it usually works best without her interfering with his decisions or expectations. IOW, it’s his problem and she’s only a helper—when he’s dissatisfied in his own personal domain.


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