In earlier posts I made a big deal about how men are primarily producers and women processors. I present a major exception; a man falling in love is a process that I make appear sequential. Actually, it is both fragmented and spontaneous and the emotional conclusion of a lot of reason, logic, and self-study. Moreover, it’s virtually invisible to the woman involved.
A man’s devotion is the first stage of development in his love. Other conclusions add to the process of his figuring out if he’s in love with her. I recap the essentials. Through his mind and heart, the following pass as products of their togetherness:
- Her likeability, aka her appeal for him to be in her company.
- His devotion, aka strong desire to please her. He likes her, seeks to spend time together, and likes who he is when with her.
- His respect, at least the form most critical to his enduring love, grows out of her resistance to yield sex to him. The longer she resists, the greater the promise that other guys also failed and his respect for her diligence.
- Her loyalty, aka the promise he sees that she will be faithful to him.
- His likeability to her, aka the sincerity he sees in her love.
- His loyalty to her, aka his willingness to give up all others to ‘possess’ her for himself.
- His bonded love, aka devotion swollen to please himself for pleasing her.
- His true love emerges from his admission that his life with her can be more satisfying than living by himself. He expects not to fail at anything he undertakes including marriage. Consequently, he also figures to love what he’s about to do, which is to live with her. Any proposal follows acceptance of that conclusion on top of his true love of her.
A woman who expects her man to work out that process by himself has the right attitude. His process of evaluating her for entry into his life makes dating and courtship intriguing and critical. He decides, and she’s along for the ride. He appears to rule, she actually runs the show.
However, the show she runs is herself, who and what she is to him. Out of that grows or doesn’t grow his love. She can’t change him; she can only make herself more attractive, appealing, and desirable for him to possess her in the ultimate venue, marriage. It begs the question, how?
Consequently, to complete this study of courtship, I suggest two series. Putting Marriage in His Mind and Putting Marriage out of Her Mind. They begin at post 871 and run in sequence.