2667. Predicting and Making Marital Success


This post disagrees with popular opinion about the worthiness of men. So be it. In the vernacular, marriages fail because conventional wisdom sucks.

Husbands are born to rule their marriage, but wives are born to run it. If the wife doesn’t run it and the husband at least appear to rule it, marital success doesn’t follow. She runs their marriage by getting her way in every way practicable and not dissatisfying way to him.

A ruler isn’t supposed to work except on his personal matters. Everyone else keeps the king satisfied. That’s all he needs, satisfaction with himself. So, the less involved he is, the easier to keep him satisfied with himself and those around him. Satisfied people stay in place; it generates stability.

And that’s where this article comes in. When the obligated member of the superior sex exploits her advantages without dissatisfying the obligated member of the dominant sex, the superior member gets her way more and more and oftener and oftener.

A husband’s satisfaction is the greatest determinant and measure of marital success. Men can live with far less than women expect. He gets his way when he wants it, and his sense of self-satisfaction determines when he gets enough. Worse for her, the greatest evidence is that she perceives his taking her for granted.

Here’s a way to measure the present-day condition of a marriage to determine how likely it will lead to marital success, defined as not perfect, perhaps not good, but the couple is unlikely to separate. IOW, these are the essentials that motivates a man to stay with his woman. A satisfied man doesn’t look for more to do inside her domain, so she reaps the reward of getting more of her way.

The following is a model to show men and women motivated by their natures. It excludes lessons learned in life by both sexes and, therefore, does not predict how individuals react in life.

  1. Husband is satisfied with himself in his current life. His life is programmed around achieving and maintaining that condition.
  2. Therefore, he made a wise move to quit living by himself and take up living with her. IOW, he’s satisfied with his marriage.
  3. He’s satisfied with wife filling her various roles in life: mate, woman, lover, housekeeper, mother, friend, et al. His respect and devotion to her and her likeability and loyalty are good enough to keep her.
  4. He is satisfied living with her, although if he tried he might find faults or shortcomings. But what the heck, why look. It’s good enough as is.

It works bottom to top. She generates the conditions that produce 3 and 4 from which he concludes 1 and 2. At any step, continuing and disruptive dissatisfaction could lead to his departure.

It makes wife’s job so easy. She only has to keep him satisfied with who she is and what she does. How could it be more simple to keep her husband? She has every ability to detect when he’s dissatisfied or unsatisfied with something and to fix it or alleviate the pressure. She may always want to fix it a certain way, but she can’t plead ignorance or innocence. Her relationship expertise qualifies her as sufficient.

Wives are not accustomed or happy working at the level of satisfaction. Their nature differs. They expect to do better. When they feel satisfied, there’s something else to do. They look elsewhere. They want to do more. Modern women to their everlasting discredit, expect to make their husband as satisfied as wife, but she’s never satisfied. Always more to do, improvements to make, worries to assuage—and he won’t get off his…. (Unfortunately, grudging is the seed for more faults, complaints, and endless bickering to get him doing something she wants or expects).

She gets to use the quiet female version of out-competing him as both husband and man. She gets her way more often. The proper wife gets her way in areas about which he senses no responsibility or doesn’t care how she does it. For example, the domestic scene.

Hence, by satisfying herself by getting her way more and more often, she need only keep an eye on him that he’s satisfied. She can dominate the marriage, because she gets to do what she wants to do. She gets her way as long as he is satisfied with himself.

Q. It makes one wonder; how come so many marriages fail?

A. Wives just have to do, say, and expect things about which husband doesn’t care to be involved. Wives don’t aim to keep his sense of satisfaction intact with himself as their measuring stick. They expect more; an apparent satisfied husband is not doing enough.

These things particularly disturb a man’s self-satisfaction:

  • She complains about things, which he translates to mean he’s not okay because he doesn’t fix those things. Is he guilty? To blame? She’s not okay so it must be his fault.
  • She complains or suggests that he’s at fault. Not again! What now? Guilty? Blame? She’s probably disguising something other than what she’s talking about? Should he have seen it first? He was that way when they married, why now? What’s really bugging her?
  • She alibis for herself by explaining herself. Why tell him? She can fix it or already has.
  • She complains about others as if he can do something. It’s her tone and manner that irritates and disturbs his sense of satisfaction with her.

Modern marriage can’t exist without wife explaining and complaining to her man; it relieves self-induced pressure. But wives should teach themselves how it disturbs their man’s sense of satisfaction. She can quickly learn what is tolerable and what is not.

This is the farthest from how modern women think and operate. Her smiles tell her man that he’s okay, and lack of complaints means that she’s okay. To a husband, okay means the marriage is working okay; he’s satisfied. Her smiles mean that wife is at least happy with herself, which adds significantly to hubby feeling satisfied with self.

Finally, all wife has to do is to keep getting her way about matters that don’t DIRECTLY concern husband. Quit trying to get him involved in everything. She stays busy and runs the show while he finds satisfaction in HER efforts rather than HIS, which to him are not significant accomplishments.

Her reward is getting her way throughout her life, except in his domain that includes his job, car, hobby, and other things for which he feels DIRECTLY responsible. As ruler, he’s INDIRECTLY responsible for everything else, and he can turn it over for her to manage. The more satisfied with her and her management, the more he lets her get her way.

The modern wife’s mindset is programmed that she is responsible for the marriage, but she does much better when she isolates one part to be her responsibility, namely the domestic domain. Not his manly domain of job and other things for which he feels DIRECTLY responsible.

6 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

6 responses to “2667. Predicting and Making Marital Success

  1. Wonderful article. One piece that is not immediately evident is “She alibis for herself by explaining herself.” Modern precedence tells women that communication is key to making marriage work. If I’m right, you’re explaining that mystery and even stretching the truth (smiling when hubby comes home even if feeling grumpy or put out) is more important.

    Your Highness Caitlinbrittain,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to What Women Never Hear.

    You interpret it correctly, but many women get ‘key’ wrong. A difference exists between ‘key’ and full disclosure or unloading every thought, opinion, or critique.

    Communication is the opinion of outsiders who know little or nothing of the relationship chemistry or habits of personalities involved. Respect, likeability, and gratitude are far better and universal keys.

    Guy

    • Meow Meow

      I have found that the less I say, the more observant I become! (side benefit.)
      Silence has dignity, and quiets the rushing mind and mouth.

      Your Highness Meow Meow,
      Well said. Yes, silence is a wonderful form of communication.
      Guy

    • Miss Gina

      Dear Lady caitlinbrittain,

      In conjunction with Sir Guy’s comment, I offer the following:

      In contrast to the practice of “letting it all hang out,” I’d suggest that not every thought or emotion of the moment is worthy of sharing. A little time and perspective often changes those thoughts and emotions, anyway. It can even be a bit presumptuous of us to expect others–especially men–to bear the load of our every thought on every subject under the sun. Though there are some who preach otherwise, I see discretion and restraint as different from stretching the truth.

      Your Highness Miss Gina,
      It’s a common wifely mistake: “It can even be a bit presumptuous of us to expect others–especially men–to bear the load of our every thought on every subject under the sun.”
      Guy

  2. Sarina

    What I’ve noticed is how fast and far feminist views spread across the world. Not sure why women copy these hardcore feminist opinions and don’t look at the end results, how feminists cannot produce long-lasting marriages, how modern relationships are so messed-up and how poorly men think of women nowadays. Where are the strong families?

    They think that it’s progressive to copy every popular US trend and it’s to their detriment. Many countries borrow negative societal norms and not the positive ones because they aren’t exposed to them. But it’s all mass-media’s fault which won’t offer an alternative view, feminism is pushed hard as the only acceptable narrative and anyone opposing is portrayed as an enemy.

    Your Highness Sarina,

    I applaud your knowledge, observations, and conclusions. You describe it correctly and very well.

    Thank you. It makes great reading for those who aren’t paying enough attention to the world in which they live.

    Guy

  3. Sarabeth

    Dear Sir Guy,

    Men are never more handsome then when they are patient enough to repeat a very important message multiple ways until it finally clicks for the receiver. Thank you.

  4. Lex

    There are also problems when both spouses work. In my case…I have to work so we will have enough incone. This means I am not free to take care of the donestic domain on my own even if I am happy to do so and it causes tensions because ny husband wants to give 100% to his job and not deal much with childcare. He helps as much as he can and I try to lessen his burden but still need his help with certain things. I feel like it makes him unhappy sometimes and I fear that he resents me for it at certain times bc he wishes he could just deal with his pressures from work instead. But I gave no other family members to help and cant afford extra childcare.

    So even though I agree with the above, it is hard to implement.

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