2673. Refresher Thoughts — 08

  1. Women expect men to be more romantic, but romance slows a man’s conquering nature. Except when forced by circumstances or desire to honor females with manly spell-binding charm, romance to males means foreplay or prelude to it.
  2. Men are not naturally romantic. If not ‘trained’ to habitually romance her before marriage, he won’t do much of it afterwards.
  3. Boys first learn romance by watching father affectionately romance mother without sexual implications. Later, they learn from girls who inspire manly romance by withholding foreplay and women withholding sex, which forces guys to find and learn new ways to use charm, persuasion, and romantic stimulation.
  4. If a guy won’t cherish her and honor her expectations before conquest, he sure won’t afterwards.
  5. Girls can protect their chastity with the same élan, dynamism, dedication, and silence on the subject as if they were still virgin. When left to their imagination, virtual virginity mesmerizes boys as does the real thing. Women have the same choices, since virtual can substitute for real virginity and be used to hold a man’s attention while feminine mystique, female modesty, and standards of morality capture his devotion.
  6. Self-development is the primary mission of toddler boys. More independent than girls, boys start and know how to go about it. Unless taught otherwise, they know they 1) are handy, 2) can be better, 3) intend to prove it, and 4) will find ways to demo their “adult-ness.” Development slows or jumps off track, however, under poor or excessive nurturing in toddlerhood and poor or excessive parental leadership between first grade and puberty. Both of those parental shortcomings shift 1, 2, 3, and 4 toward things undesirable for parents. [1902]
  7. Without marrying them, men see women as completely entitled to try hard, harder, and hardest not to yield. Men protect their own assets that way. Also, they don’t expect to yield freedom just because a woman yields sex, so she’s seen as a competitor and her hard-headedness generates challenge to his manly skill.
  8. If a man doesn’t have to earn her for marriage, she’s not all that valuable to him. If she’s eager and willing and intends to win him, then he thinks contrary to her wishes. First, it’s not his idea. Second, she must be desperate or worse. Third, let’s get back to sex.
  9. Before she marries is the most effective time for a woman’s natural hard-headedness to shine. Not hard-headed to tell men what to do but to protect her sexual assets; convince them of her values, standards, and expectations; and indirectly convey the thought that they must win her to have her.
  10. During dating and courtship is the most effective time for a woman’s soft-heartedness to harden. Soft heart never won brave knight. [44]


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, marriage, sex differences

5 responses to “2673. Refresher Thoughts — 08

  1. “Soft heart never won brave knight.” This has been a huge stumbling block for me for a long time, but thanks to WWNH, I get it now.

    I think women doing *some* soft things attracts attention from men. Baking cookies is a basic thing I think guys like, right? Nurturing. Practical, too. Lets a man know you can feed him well.

    But when guys, as they tend to, put themselves front and center in their life story as someone who has braved dangers and suffered much, women getting all “oh, poor baby, let me take care of you” . . . oh, no. Not good.

    From my point of view now, it’s the beginning of a guy getting a lot of goodies in a non-sexual way that he will never return in kind. Am I doing his laundry, baking him meals, doing his dishes, or whatever? Wow, what is he doing for me? Bringing the laundry over so I don’t have to pick it up? Not good.

    Being all caring and nurturing like that is not the same thing as showing respect and appreciation for a man.

    I think the motivation for being soft and caring (over-soft and over-caring in my book) is usually because women are trying to sell themselves as being the perfect woman to meet a man’s needs. Guys will take advantage of that willingly with no output of energy on their part.

    Being appreciative and encouraging when a man makes an effort to please a woman is a completely different thing. A woman is in control, rewarding meaningful output of energy from a man. The way it should be.

    Your Highness Edith Mcklveen,
    You got it. The last two paragraphs express it well.

    • Miss Gina

      Agreed, Lady Edith, though I wonder if these days a man might be tempted to think that even a batch of cookies means he can stop working for her. My husband tells me that some men will get all excited and say out of ladies’ earshot that a woman is interested in sex if she simply smiles at him. He just laughs at them to their faces, but it was shocking to me that any man would think that way (blech). I still smile at everyone, but after hearing that, though very pleasant and happy, I maintain an even greater reserve around men than ever.

      Your Highness Miss Gina and Lady Edith,

      Men “say out of ladies’ earshot that a woman is interested in sex,” He’s bragging to other men, which means her smile is the trigger, the rest is boasting. Women should not pay so much attention to what men say.

      For the man who might start something because she smiled at him, she knows how to dispose of his interest and should do so forthwith. It should not discourage her smiling, because her smiles lift both her and everyone who spots it.


      • Manda

        Your comment intrigued me, Miss Gina, as I have heard some men say the same thing–they interpret smiling as an “indicator of interest!” That is crazy to me because I grew up in small town where smiling and saying hi to people is just something you do. I work in a service job and so smiling at/greeting people is part of my job, and I still smile at people when walking around the block. But I too am wary, as a married lady especially, to seem like I am conveying interest, so when out and about in public (running errands, going to an event with my husband, or other situations where I’m in a fairly crowded place), I will keep my eyes down as much as possible.

        At work, I try not to worry too much, because I dress extra conservatively and am careful not to flirt, so I suppose if they think I am attracted to them, so what? They’re not getting anything more than a friendly smile 🙂 I would rather uplift someone’s day with a smile and risk having them assume I am attracted, than be totally cold and unfriendly.

        I am curious about Mr. Guy’s opinion on this.

        Your Highness Manda,
        You know perfectly well how to use your smile. Keep it up; yours is loaded with sincerity. Wish I could see it some day.

      • Miss Gina

        Dear Sir Guy,

        I think from your response that you got my meaning, but I realized I could have been misunderstood so am expanding for clarity of others who may read. Other men have seen women smiling at my husband or some other man in the group. They have said out of the woman’s earshot that clearly she was interested in a rendevous. My husband often travels with other men in a heavily male-dominated industry. He tries to stick with men who are married and faithful to their wives, but this not always possible. I think some of this is males teasing each other, but I believe he wanted me to understand the male ego and the ways that guys can sometimes overinterpret the most innocent actions of a female in their favor as signs of interest. I probably did not explain that the best way above or use the best example.

        Your Highness Miss Gina,
        Good response. Thank you.

  2. Doesn’t matter what men think women are doing with a smile. Doesn’t matter what women think men are thinking . . . what counts is when a man who is legally and morally available approaches a woman who is legally and morally available and shows an interest in getting to know her.

    That is when the woman takes control and starts making it clear that the man is going to have to work damn hard, harder than he’s ever worked before in his life, to earn the privilege of treating her like a queen.

    I have moments when I want to kick myself for years of being soft and accommodating and, as a result, being discounted and taken advantage of and ultimately passed over for another woman who knew how to keep her mysteries intact.

    I moved to my current location in the northeast U.S. in the eighties, and when I left where I was living in southern latitudes, I was engaged in a never-quite-there relationship with a guy who was everything I wanted . . . except truly interested in me.

    I did everything nice I could think of to show him how good I could be for him. And he was nice to me, but never more. Probably within a year of my moving, I found out through a mutual friend that he had gotten married.

    And sad to say, in the past thirty-three years, until coming across WWNH, I repeated the same behavior over and over again.

    That’s a looooong time to be stupid. And while it’s NOT true that old dogs are incapable of learning new tricks, learning to live and act with self-confidence and femininity AND patience at my age is really a challenge.

    So anyone in their 20s, 30s, 40s, or 50s . . . if you are still doubting the counter-cultural wisdom of being tough and holding out and demanding that potential mates meet high, high standards, including marriage . . . slap yourself hard and wake up from fantasy land. Otherwise you’ll spend years wasting your precious time and energy and heart on men who take advantage of you. . . and you’ll end up with nothing.

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