2678. Wisdom from Lady Magnolia


Hello Lady Femme!

The process to get married doesn’t have to be complicated. I understand that things have changed in society and so good women pay the price for other women who are promiscuous or whatever. Many women are very aggressive and many men are very weak. I get you. But you’re seeing the glass half empty. Look at the situation from a different perspective. When men face a sea of unworthy women, a good woman stands out, so you are at an advantage.

I’ve said this before on this blog, but I guess it needs to be repeated: women who succeed in today’s dating market are very proactive. I’ve noticed that a lot of people, both men and women, constantly blame circumstances, or the other sex, or whatever, in today’s market for “everything that’s wrong and why I can’t get a chance.” Or something along those lines.

Women, and especially younger women, also have very high, sometimes unreasonable expectations. They want lots of chemistry (which by the way, is very overrated), someone tall, dark and handsome, with a good career, and the list goes on and on. I’m not saying not to try, but it might be difficult to meet all the criteria. WOMEN CONSTANTLY REJECT TOO MANY GOOD CANDIDATES. Otherwise, how to explain how many are single for years and years? Every woman has suitors. Go out on dates regularly (at least once a week) and then choose the best able of your suitors. The whole process from the moment you start actively dating shouldn’t take more than 2-3 years. There are many good men out there, although most are not worthy of you.

He should be very devoted to you and demonstrate it from day one. Pursue you, respect your boundaries. You should share the same goals and values. He should also support you on your goals in life (and you him) and love your children and want to take care of them. He should make you feel like a princess and want to give you everything you wanted in life.

Manage your emotions so that you don’t get too emotionally attached to any one man until he proves that he’s worthy of you, which in my opinion is one of women’s biggest stumbling blocks today. They meet someone and don’t give him time to become the seller. Instead, they become the sellers themselves! You can achieve not getting too attached by dating other men. Never give explanations about it either.

I’ve noticed also that a lot of women date men who are out to take advantage of women. Narcissists, and the like. Some women waste their most fertile years dating players or men who use them. I suggest that such women seek professional help first, deal with her own demons, and then, once she’s able to date in a healthy way, get back in the game.

But this musical chair thing is ridiculous. They want someone who’s sexy, who’s accomplished, who looks like Henry Cavill (a woman can dream, right?) lots of chemistry, you name it. Instead of just choosing someone who is devoted and stable. Or sometimes women don’t even know what they want. They lack the vision. Without that they will get nowhere.

Give men a chance, ladies! There are many good men dreaming that you would. Wanting to devote themselves to you. Get out there. Screen really well. Don’t yield in your values. Be true to yourself. Have fun while you do it. Dress up! Enjoy being feminine. Draw from your internal resources– confidence, happiness. You can do this. It’s not hard, I promise.

Let me know how it goes. Many blessings.

Magnolia

——

NOTE to Magnolia: I recognize the extra effort you put in to make this so clear and understandable. Wish I could write so clearly and impressionable.

Guy

11 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, Fickle female, How she wins, marriage, The mind

11 responses to “2678. Wisdom from Lady Magnolia

  1. prettybeans

    You write beautifully Lady Magnolia! So very beautifully. I’m honoured to be the first to comment.

    Learning to date around without conforming to the world’s standards of sleeping around and the like is probably something every female in pursuit of the lady in herself has got to learn – to banish the guilt and to enjoy being the buyer. Men are naturals at this. They keep their options open until they really cannot (or should not!)

    I agree that there are many many men out there and there’s a lot of knowledge to be gained from learning to deal with even the ones that one does not personally find attractive. Learning unconditional respect of the opposite sex is a standard that we should work towards all while fine tuning and reaffirming values worthy of pursuit.

    I don’t think the journey from dating to engagement to marriage should take more than a year. Or rather that within a year one should really evaluate whether it’s worth it; I was in a 8/9 year relationship and it was not worth it. My oh my did I learn but it wasn’t worth the time.

    That being said, thank you ever so much Sir Guy for making this post available!
    God bless you both!!

    Many thanks from over the pond

  2. Miss Gina

    Brava, Lady Magnolia!

    😃😃😃

  3. gonemaverick

    Very well written.

  4. 1jarofclay

    Thank you Sir Guy. I’m very honored. Ladies, thank you for your kind words. I just want to be able to help women. I am an introvert and love to be on my own and even I had some rough days when I was single. I want everyone here to know that marrying, and marrying sooner rather than later is a very realistic goal if they know how to go about it! I want them to have hope and to have confidence in themselves.

    When I tried to post this the other day, I lost it, so I’m glad that Sir Guy was able to retrieve it.

    Looking back now I see that it needs some editing, but that’s okay. The essence of the message is what matters most. I’ve been wanting to write it for a long time. As I said, I just want to help the single ladies.

    Something else: I know that it’s not very popular, but maybe this can get someone married who really wants it: check out posts 1461, 1462, and 1463 *and* The comments made by Ramona. They’re great!

    Marriage is a blessing and my beloved husband too. I’m glad I made the right choices thanks to Sir Guy others who so patiently write about these matters and educate women.

    Light and love,
    Lady Magnolia ❤ 🙂

  5. Femme

    Lady Magnolia,
    I’m sorry for the late response and thank you for sharing your wisdom.
    I am an introvert, too, and it causes me to “go deep” into everything (which, btw, was a reason a man once gave me for me not being “who he is looking for”) so it takes me a while to process things.
    I think it’s one of the reasons why it’s hard for me to get out there and date.
    Then there are quite a few bad experiences, the children who I would like to protect (or at least not let them come to any harm), and some shattered illusions.
    I also think dating and marriage after you’ve had children and not plan for more is different to when you are in your early 20s and have your entire life ahead of you.
    What you wrote about personal demons and getting them sorted out is very important because we all start out as Sir Guy describes BUT a lot of us end up somehow damaged by upbringing and the general cultural influence.
    Then it can take quite a bit of time to separate the wheat from the chaff.
    As for men and their qualities, I admit to still not knowing how to screen and what I would like but the days when I pined after actors and singers just because they are famous and good looking are over :). I am at a stage now where I treat all men as Mr Not Good Enough until I’m proven otherwise, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea.
    The biggest issue I have now is not getting all worked up about the passage of time and jumping into something temporary just because I’m afraid in a few years’ time my body will be even less of a magnet…
    Especially after Sir Guy confirming in several places that men are visual creatures. There are days when it kind of freaks me out. That said, I see women all the time (my age and a lot younger) who are seriously overweight who are nevertheless enjoying relationships and children and I wonder what their secret is.
    My self confidence is not great (for reasons mentioned above) and my shyness around men means that some men might perceive me as an easy target for being used, I guess.
    I also have not previously thought about getting married as a goal… I rather tended to leave it to Fate. It just seemed strange to put it on my “to do” list.
    There are a lot of other things I would like to mention but unfortunately I have to go now.
    Thank you once again, I will also be reading the posts you suggested.

    Your Highness Femme,

    You say, “I treat all men as Mr Not Good Enough until I’m proven otherwise.”

    Change your luck. Delete the “Not.” It puts you in the mode and mood to screen more often. Sets up better habits for relating. If you put the emphasis on figuring out all men, new habit will integrate better with old habits. It in no way obligates you except to yourself.

    Another benefit: You will be working with successes rather than failures. You screen and decide one is not good enough, victory, instead of trying to find success out of someone you have already declared not good enough. The former is much easier and rewarding than the latter.

    Guy

    • 1jarofclay

      Hello again Lady Femme, (I just love that name),

      I understand that each woman is in her own journey in life and respect that. I realize that not everyone sees marriage as a goal.

      When it comes to the stumbling blocks that I mentioned, all of them were general as the biggest mistakes that I see women make, and some I have made myself (such as putting the horse before the cart when I was in a relationship a few years ago. I was ahead of him, ready for marriage and he wasn’t). I forgot to mention that I don’t think you do any of it, because I don’t know. Again, they are more general than anything.

      If it can help anyone, I’ll be so happy.

      I wish you all the best. 🙂

      Magnolia

      • Femme

        Dear Lady Magnolia,
        my nickname is part of the process of me digging trenches (wink).
        I didn’t take your post personally but rather tried to fit my own situation into the bigger picture that you’ve painted.
        I’m sorry if it sounded otherwise.
        I, too, have put the horse before the carriage in the same way as you and I think a lot of women do it simply because we can sometimes look too much ahead and see the man’s “potential” for the future instead of living in the present (as men do) and allowing the situation to unfold organically.
        We can mentally name the children by the 4th date while the guy still hasn’t decided if he likes us enough to ask us out for the 5th time.
        May I ask what you did to re shape the situation?
        Was that relationship with your husband?
        Forgive me if I’m being too nosy.
        Thank you for your wishes.
        F.

    • Femme

      Ha!
      Sir Guy, you are right, as usual.
      I seem to have gone from “all men are too good for me” to “all are bad by default”.
      In both scenarios I have tried upgrading the unacceptable rather than weeding out the unsuitable from among potential good enough.
      It has enabled me to duck the responsibility of finding out what I want/need and going after it.
      Thanks for pointing it out!

    • Meow Meow

      Hi Femme, you wrote : “I see women all the time (my age and a lot younger) who are seriously overweight who are nevertheless enjoying relationships and children and I wonder what their secret is.”

      If I may say, I have a few younger girl friends who run the range of curvy to voluptuous to seriously overweight. What I have noticed is that they usually have some asset they feature—be it beautiful luscious hair, lovely feet, vintage pin-up girl style/clothing, great skin, tasteful jewelry or color of dress, accentuation of their eyes or makeup, some are dancers or singers—something that shows that they DO care about themselves and see themselves as feminine first, regardless of weight. And many of them do have the sweetest, sparkly feminine personalities!

      Half of them have boyfriends or are married. Interestingly enough some have chosen to lose weight after getting married, but they didn’t let being overweight stop them from dating…..I think their positive personalities and the “Mirror Time” they are obviously putting in shines through. I am perceived as very thin, but in my dating years that alone was not enough to pull a lot of serious interest as my personality was painfully shy and I came across as aloof and overly serious….sort of an “Ice Queen.”

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