2681. Love is Never Enough — VI: Women Love Two Ways (Didn’t ya’ know?)


Female love has some unexpected and unused characteristics. It can mislead women on how to deal with those they love. There is love, which is one directional that pleases the one expressing her love, but it doesn’t bring the feedback that she craves. Then there is sincere love, which is two directional; she includes more than her attention, affection, and appreciation. She expects rewarding feedback, but she has to work extra to get it

Females have at least five reasons for expressing their love of another. 1) They want something. 2) It makes them feel good about themselves. 3) It’s the right thing to do. 4) They want to unload their emotions. 5) They want to be important to the loved one, to trigger the thought that the loved one sees the loving one as important to him or her.

The first four satisfy the loving one, who presumes or hopes that 5) will also be a result. But that two directional exchange of thoughts or words happens only with sincere love.

When women give love for nothing extra for themselves, specifically 1) through 4) above, they cripple their own self-interest.

Love becomes sincere love when gratitude for the loved one is included in a woman’s expressions of love. The loving one seeks to hear it, but she can’t just say in the course of expressing her love that “I am important to you.”

When, however, she shows or expresses the gratefulness she finds in the one being loved, the latter sees the former as important in his or her life. Who else in the loved one’s life finds gratitude in her or him?

It makes gratitude more important than love itself. Love is the vehicle, gratitude is the cargo.

So, gratitude does what love alone can’t do to a relationship. Now, I know you ladies will probably claim that your love always includes your gratefulness. If it did, those you love would never question, seldom disagree, or ignore your attempts to shower them with loving attention and affection. Mere expressions of  love are nowhere near as complimentary as specific gratitude you can disclose about things the loved one seldom figures is noticed by anyone else including, perhaps, themselves.

In the normal course of relating as couple, her love is unearned. He’s done nothing and men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. If she shows gratitude for who he is or what he does, then he has earned it and she makes herself more valuable to have nearby. Her gift of gratefulness usually agrees with or exceeds his own assessment of his self-worth. Nice that she sees it that way too.

In the normal course of relating as female friends, her love is deserved. But each female has a deeper ambition, to be important to the other. It doesn’t come from routine attention and affections. It comes from the gratefulness that one expresses for the other. They extend mutual gratitude and receive mutual confirmation of their respective self-importance. It holds friends together.

So, in the normal course of relating, you gals should find and express gratitude wherever and however you can, and you will be more important to female friends, more worthy of continuing attention from a man, and you will also appear much more sincere to both.

Remember this? “Men are never more handsome than…” as a way to express a woman’s gratitude for minor pleasantries, chivalries, and gallantries. It buffs and shines his self-admiration, the motivation behind most of a man’s accomplishments.

1 Comment

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, nurturing, The mind

One response to “2681. Love is Never Enough — VI: Women Love Two Ways (Didn’t ya’ know?)

  1. Sarabeth

    Hi Sir Guy,

    On blog post 1068, titled “The Beauty of Optimism”, you said the following: I turn my husband into my ‘fun friend’ and quit depending on female friends.

    Would you help me understand?

    Your Highness Sarabeth,

    As a matter of habit, you express your views and opinions to hubby and he likewise. By focusing on making your discussions fun, it makes you more familiar and closer. (Unless of course you argue or compete to strengthen your respective positions.)

    We become like those with whom we associate. The more you bring home the views and opinions of others that disagree or unsettle hubby, the less you appear like his bride or perhaps disturb his expectations with disagreeable info.

    Not to say a woman shouldn’t have female friends, but she should be discreet about what she takes home. That she feels good about learning something new, it doesn’t mean that husband won’t see her new views and opinions as challenging or competitive to those he holds. So, new news can start disagreements. Fun with just him helps a couple the most.

    Guy

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