2686. Tradeoffs in Marriage


Not enough attention is paid to marital benefits that arise from tradeoffs that tend to settle into habits. By paying too much attention to equalizing matters or his not returning her love, wives tend to get caught up in pop culture mistakes that divide rather than unify. Examples: a) Men are to blame for problems that women carry into marriage. b) Husbands do nothing to help or better manage disruptions that wives identify. c) Husbands should carry an equal load in housekeeping and childcare functions. d) Home and family are heavier responsibilities than women should have to endure.

The following tradeoffs tend to settle marital issues before they arise. More credit is due as each ounce of prevention works better than a pound of cure.

  1. Her being cherished makes up for his being boss.
  2. She expects him to listen to her endless chatter, he expects her to accept his capricious interest in quickie sex.
  3. Husbands need opportunity to just think, wives need opportunity to just talk.
  4. If she expects romance, he accepts it as foreplay.
  5. He sees sex as intercourse measured in orgasms, she sees sex as foreplay, intercourse, and afterplay measured in intimacy.
  6. His being admired makes up for her harping about little things.
  7. She expects intimacy in sex to satisfy her. He expects to prove his prowess and satisfy himself.

Unless one side tries to find imbalance or inequality in them, such tradeoffs tend to stabilize and unify rather than separate.

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Filed under Dear daughter, marriage, old school, The mind

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