- Over the course of a decade or two of successful marriage, wife smoothly coaches and coaxes husband such that his shortcomings fade. Her role as indirect and patient change agent works agreeably to convert natural masculine resistance into what she wants him to be.
- Wife is pretty and capable of handling what husband doesn’t want to handle. Husband is handy, provides the essentials, and stands by to protect, produce what’s missing, and problem solve.
- Marital success begins with this foundation. He expects to be respected and admired, she expects to be loved and cherished.
- Husband is more interested in decisions made today. Wife is more interested in decisions made about the future. Why? She can’t always have her way today, but she can get her way better by shaping the future to brighten their relationship.
- Once wife learns to let husband get his way and convince himself that she knows he’s the boss, he becomes proud of her and decides that she’s better qualified than he ever thought. And so, he begins to let her have her way.
- After romantic love fades in a year or two, mutual enduring love settles a couple down to where she’s satisfied with him and he’s satisfied with her. Marital comfort and satisfaction follow, if wife will accept it rather than trying for further improvements, such as getting him to change.
- She smiles a lot for no apparent reason, and he knows that she’s okay. She doesn’t complain and he knows that he’s okay.
Back to basics. He needs self-admiration, because it motivates him to achieve. She needs a strong sense of self-importance, because it motivates her to be grateful for who she is and what she has. Husband doesn’t need feedback to confirm self-admiration. He’s independent about it. She is dependent and needs confirming feedback of others to justify her sense of self-importance. So, where’s the tradeoff? He loves her for admiring him, and she loves him for making her important to him. It’s the most satisfying and gratifying marital tradeoff.