13 responses to “2698. Wisdom from Miss Gina

  1. Thank you Miss Gina and Sir Guy, a timely post. Whilst Sir Guy had been on what I pray was a quality holiday with loved ones I had been reading and considering post number 1541. I am curious mix of boldness and shyness and am so thankful for this blog as I work through the implications of being true to my unique personality. I am a platform speaker with my job, so folk often think I am completely in control, but place me in front of a guy and I have been known to be completely tongue tied. Though I would like to birth my courage by practicing “action cures fear” I will admit to finding this hard. A lot to think on. All advice is appreciated.

    Your Highness Thankful,
    Tongue tied is good. It forces him to talk and you to listen.
    Guy

  2. FrenchyAnna

    Very good post, Thank you Miss Gina

  3. Kristiane

    Great post!
    It is comforting to know i am not the only one struggling with this. The post is timely for what i am going through in my daily life. The men that i am attracted to (usually nerds) are shy, and the people i don’t like (players) approach me. it doesn’t help that i seem serious until people get to know me. One thing that helps is to set a small goal for myself each time i go out. Like smile at five people before i get home. Continuing to follow what wwnh, so i can continue on my journey to femininity.

    • Meow Meow

      So sweet that you like “nerds”! They can often be men who have high standards and intelligence as well. Nerds often have several very specific interests, perhaps you share some of these interests and it could be something to strike up a conversation about? A healthy shy guy would still pursue you, albeit in his own way, but you can give him an opening if you’re interested.

    • Miss Gina

      You are doing great. Just try to forget about yourself and think of others, and the rest will fall into place. Maybe the girl at the checkout counter has a pretty name or beautiful eyes. Can you brighten her day by complimenting her? Notice the people around you–do they look sad or tired? Maybe one of your smiles would be just the thing.

  4. Miss Gina

    Dear Sir Guy,

    As always, an honor. Thank you for perfecting my organization…this was written on my phone.

    To the ladies here, none of us is ever too old to perfect that combination if steel and velvet that makes a woman fascinating–it’s a lifelong journey. Less than ten years ago, a lady of Sir Guy’s generation told me rather directly that I needed to be more approachable as part of my Christian walk. Taking it to heart, I put aside natural reserve and shyness to think always of others in social situations. This includes taking the initiative to make people feel happy and comfortable–without being shy about a little firmness when necessary. At the same time, I began to leave my (considerable) load of female worries and concerns behind and trust God to handle everything more completely than ever before. (Sir Guy talks about this here, also.) In some indirect way, this puts people more at ease. The results in every sphere of life have been amazing. I’m grateful for the opportunity to pass on this wonderful gift. 😀

  5. Leaving everything to God is the way for a woman to handle anything in life. Yet it can lead to passivity, which can be read as indifference and unapproachability.

    Initiative obviously has to be taken in some fashion, but that can be read as unfeminine aggressiveness.

    It’s finding the balance that seems impossible at times.

    However, even if I manage to find the balance, my approachability cannot make men approach if they don’t have well-developed relationship confidence.

    Women cannot give men that confidence. Only a firmly held view of themselves as God’s loved and empowered sons can truly do that. That is the fruit of their relationship with God, not with me.

    In addition, it is difficult when my approachability is obscured by events that occurred years ago THAT I DID NOT CAUSE.

    I’m a woman, but I’m not THAT woman. I think like a woman, but I’m not THAT woman. I’m not that impossible to please college girlfriend or that disdainful high school brat or that mother who criticized endlessly.

    I obviously have issues because I am a fallen human being just like everyone else, but I am not anybody from that broken past. And unless a man really believes that in his heart, of what use is my approachability?

    • Miss Gina

      Dear Lady Edith,

      There are and always have been some men with personal issues that short-circuit their initiative. This makes them basically unmarriageable. We can only give them our best and let them move forward or not, but we cannot afford to hold ourselves back because of them. For this reason it is wise to cast a wide net and rein in our emotions until after the wedding.

      • It boils down to being the right person and finding the right person.

        Being the right person requires having high standards, being grateful, indulging in lots of pretty time, practicing indirection in both praise and criticism, being approachable . . .

        A woman can practice, practice, practice until she is able to act, look, and sound like the right person and even have those feminine behaviors take root and become genuine deep inside.

        But finding the right person . . . how wide a net does a woman have to cast? How many dating websites does she have to subscribe to? How many times does she have to ask friends to introduce her to somebody? How many times does she have to have pointed out, this time by a kind woman she’s never met, “You thought you found someone special, you just found another emotional cripple” . . .? How many times and how many years does a woman have to admit failure and still fight to keep the faith needed to go on?

        • Miss Gina

          Dear Lady Edith,

          As many as it takes. A 30+ man I know is traveling hundreds of miles out of his way on a trip he’s already making to Europe this summer to visit a girl he became acquainted with 5 years ago who has been on his mind. Meanwhile he still travels 1-3 hours each way to meet online dates, as he lives in a remote area. Why can’t we ladies be so enterprising, as well?

          I know it can be a challenge for us ladies, but avoiding premature emotional attachment as Sir Guy advises really does aid our resolve to do the best thing for ourselves.

          • If I had known four years ago what I know now, would I have avoided “premature emotional attachment”? Nice to think that would have been the case.

            This is a problem that is so hard to avoid.

            I have a friend, happily married with a child now, who a number of years ago got engaged and married to a guy who swept her off her feet after her previous boyfriend dumped her.

            Mr. Super-Charming turned out to be abusive.

            My friend did not stick around; she had him arrested, and he ended up in jail. She filed for divorce, moved to another state, found a job, found a church, and met her current husband.

            Until she met her ex-husband, my friend was the model of calm, rational behavior when it came to men. She was definitely a buyer, not a seller.

            But somehow, her ex pushed all the right buttons. She even said to me, once she got engaged to him, “I hope this gives you some encouragement.”

            Ha.

            In my case, I spent sooooo much time being sooooo careful to try and find out who the man in church was, what people thought of him. He seemed great; I definitely had encouragement from friends; his behavior seemed genuinely romantic . . .

            As far as being as enterprising as your 30+ friend, at this point, I’ve run out of ideas. And when I look at what I’ve tried, so much of it smacks of being a seller, not a buyer.

            They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

            It would be very different to sit tight, pray hard, radiate confidence, and expect that to somehow magically draw men to me who I can then take time and evaluate . . . But things don’t happen that way.

            At least I have had it pounded into me by experience that, if someone just happens to miraculously show up in my life anytime before I die, my inner ice princess will be on duty for quite some time.

  6. My Husband's Wife

    Ha ha, Miss Gina! You just revealed a ladies best-kept secret in this so- accurate statement: “I recall the ancient female icebreaker of the dropped hanky. For millennia, women have found ways to break the ice with men that involve asking for their assistance.”

    I don’t think men realize (thankfully) how often us ladies will plot these sort of things! In fact, my husband has no idea that the first time I saw him in church, I purposely sat in the row in front of him because he looked interesting to me. My sister then turned around and introduced us as I was too shy to do such a thing…and then he asked me out after church 😉

    A fun example of this: I just saw a 1950s movie short about a young lady who wanted to get a certain young gentleman’s attention. First, she was concerned about making herself pretty. And then in a sweet, coy way, she expressed frustration aloud at herself in not being able to get the blender to work. Her interest came running to her side to assist. She then starts asking him questions about his interests. She also created an opportunity to exhibit her “skills” in cooking for her family and the boy of interest (not just him) at dinner. By the end of the dinner, he was so impressed with her/her cooking, he asked her out. Very sweet.

    I’ll link the video. The scene mentioned above starts at 22:00 minutes in. The movie short was originally created to promote electric appliances, so it’s quite humorous. You can also see that men of that era DID help their wives in the kitchen back then if you watch the whole thing.

    Sir Guy! So glad to have you back 🙂

    • Miss Gina

      Love this film, Lady MHW!

      Even better that my grandma had this exact kitchen in my growing-up years. 😀

      The main character makes herself pretty, figures out how to turn his area of interest into an opportunity to get his assistance, and then gets him talking about said interest.

      I keep trying to share that part of feminine charm is learning to do this for anyone. Ladies who learn such skills develop great influence with people in general.

      Shy or talkative is not the issue–both get in the way of drawing people out and winning them over. The point is to develop an interest and sensitivity to the people around us that goes beyond our self-consciousness (shyness) or what we feel like talking about (talkativeness).

      My mother has a genuine interest in people. She is quiet but very capable of drawing them out by asking questions. As she has gotten older, she has become able to guess things (like occupation) about new people she meets with great accuracy, sort of like Sherlock Holmes, lol. She is universally liked, because she remembers things about people’s lives and asks about them–children, grandchildren, illnesses, job searches, interests, etc. She can always make conversation, because she is well-read and knows what interests the people she is with. She is perfectly fine with the conversation being about the other person. I feel blessed to have her example–I wish I had copied her much earlier.

      I use this skill to win over students I tutor–it’s short work after that to appeal to their interests and get them motivated to learn. It works with anyone and is endlessly useful and helpful to others.

      Excellent find, Lady MHW!

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