2703. Minimize Risk of Husband Cheating — The Root Cause


Any mature man worthy of being depended on as a mate has certain traits that make up his worthiness. It’s not what a woman sees on the outside. When screening men, a woman should expect that these convictions exist within.

  • His self-respect exceeds his respect of others until each person earns much more than he originally detects and judges. (Women differ.)
  • He’s committed to successful accomplishments in his life. He expects to achieve what he aims at, and he works and perhaps fights hard to avoid failing or defer failure.
  • He knows he’s already good enough for any woman that will have him as her mate and lover. Consequently, he expects to fittingly sell himself to win a likeable object of his respect, lust, or love.
  • He does things and thinks and worries about physical connections. (Women differ.)
  • A likeable woman remains that as long as he’s satisfied with who she is and what she does. His initial feelings and the respect she earns make her likeable, but his satisfaction rests more on masculine values and expectations than her feelings about him.
  • He judges her by what he thinks. (Women differ.)
  • He seeks self-satisfaction that tends to confirm his admiration as a man. (Women differ.)
  • His prime mission in life is to keep himself satisfied with who he is, what he does, and who he does it with. (Women differ.)

Then, he marries the most likeable woman who earns his respect for who she is and what she does and can do, which are his personal standards for living with someone. IOW, her feelings about him are secondary to his expectations.

Consequently, he marries a woman good enough when they meet at the altar. But does she remain so? Does he remain satisfied with 1) committing himself to his altar-mate? 2) Devoting his life to their future together? 3) Preparing for what he can become with her dedicated to support his life? 4) Promising to brighten her future? It remains to be seen as married life unfolds.

The root cause of husband’s venturing into the cheating game lies here. Wife becomes different than husband expects. She sees him differently once he’s legally obligated. She doesn’t treat him as in courtship. She finds fault with him or his efforts. She spotlights his weaknesses and tries to do something about them. She imposes guilt trying to change him. She nags and criticizes and expects his reactions to favor her expectations. She tries to recover from having not screened him well enough, from having chosen wrongly. In short, she acts childishly to make him appear childish.

Women focus so hard on capturing a husband that they don’t screen adequately or know themselves well enough to be the good wife, defined by husbands as the one he courted and who acts the same before and after marriage.

IOW, he’s not the man she intended or hoped to marry and she intends to improve him, confirm that he’s not worthy of her, or recover the best she can. A little room exists within the character of a husband to permit her ‘recovery’ tactics. But not a lot.

He detects lack of respect, ingratitude, and unwillingness to depend on him. All of which corrupts her likeability and his sense of satisfaction living with her.

The more she becomes different from his bride’s behavior, the more quickly he considers looking elsewhere for the recognition that he thinks he deserves. Wife cheats him of his dignity, self-satisfaction, and consequent self-admiration, and his cheating on her is the most easily recognized method for husband’s recovery, respite, or revenge.

WADWMUFGAO. When wife feels good putting him down, he finds recovery outside the home. Hence, the root cause of husbandly infidelity is wifely dissatisfaction with husband’s inability to live up to her expectations that in all probability changed after the ceremony.

6 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, Fickle female, How she loses, marriage, sex differences

6 responses to “2703. Minimize Risk of Husband Cheating — The Root Cause

  1. Miss Gina

    Very true!

  2. SeekandFind

    Hello Sir Guy,

    Thank you for today’s post. It is very insightful. I plan to be married someday in life, so understanding the character of men and women is very important.

    At first I made a face when I read the part that says, “The root cause of husband’s venturing into the cheating game lies here. Wife becomes different than husband expects,” because the spotlight was only on the woman. Then after reading, “He detects lack of respect, ingratitude, and unwillingness to depend on him,” a thought came to mind: is the secret to marriage, from a woman’s point of view, making her husband feel important at all times, while subtlety maintaining her own self worth? How should she demonstrate her self worth/image to her husband without appearing selfish?

    Thank you!

    Your Highness SeekandFind,

    My main response to your question about the “secret to marriage” will be posted Thursday as article 2704. Your final question is addressed here.

    “How should she demonstrate her self worth/image to her husband without appearing selfish?” It happens indirectly, if she runs her marital show effectively.

    Whether he deserves it or not, she acts grateful for who he is, what he does, and how she enjoys and appreciates his presence in her life. Except as he initiates the claim, no blame attaches to him. (Her blaming him brings out two competitive spirits, and husbands don’t intend to lose, so wives have little chance to win. And anyway, women have the ability and patience to get their way by focusing on the future rather than the present.)

    Such actions but not words — I love you is under appreciated by men — program her heart with gratitude that prevents her selfish behavior and programs his heart with satisfaction with her likeability and living with her.

    He’s responsible for their marriage, but she runs the show internally. If she doesn’t take charge and rule the rooster with respect, gratitude, and dependence on him, she will not like the way he rules the roost.

    Guy

  3. Amazing gracee

    Guy,

    I think this means more than emotional, compared to women who think and worry more about the emotional. Is that correct? Other than just sex what physical connections?
    “He does things and thinks and worries about physical connections. (Women differ.”

    Your Highness Amazing Gracee,
    Yes, it means the opposite of female-like emotional comparisons and results. This works with that; these two things match; I can create one of those; I can tear that machine down and rebuild it; he kisses her and she gets aroused; they have sex but he doesn’t bond; he feels her body and gets aroused; they have sex and he’s finished for the day. He is very different from her.
    Guy

  4. msarianne

    Yes, What do you mean by physical connections? I think you mean sex? Am I right?

    My mother was a bully to my father and always dissatisfied with him. I wonder if he cheated first or she was disrespectful first. He started cheating at the beginning of the marriage and continued throughout until they eventually divorced. Very sad, she has always blamed him, but now I don’t really know the truth. Which came first? the cheating or her disrespect? My father is rather immature, even in his 70’s, they were a bad mix.

    Thank you for writing so well on these subjects. Good information here. Very valuable to all ladies especially those young and looking to marry one day.

    Your Highness Msarianne,

    You’re partially right. His connections primarily extend far away from relationships and sex and into the physical world.

    This works with that; these two things match; I can create one of those; I can do that if I try; I can tear that machine down and rebuild it; I can travel to that place; I can repair that; he kisses her and she gets aroused; they have sex but he doesn’t bond; he feels her body and gets aroused; they have sex and he’s finished for the day. A man is overall quite different in physical matters and more complex than a woman when operating outside the relationship arena.

    Guy

    • gonemaverick

      Sir Guy, I understand the grammar but really am not sure what you mean by “connections” and how that phrase relates to the examples given.

      Your Highness Gonemaverick,

      By connections, I mean this leads to that which leads to something else, often the unexpected in the physical world. Whatever he tries to do gets more complex as he tries to accomplish something until he’s satisfied.

      He tries to fix something but he’s connected to identifying, procuring, and installing worn out parts. Consequently, his connections in life are endless, and experience makes him better at accomplishments that satisfy him. He just keeps trying his best to satisfy himself — unless a woman or wife discourages him by imposing her thoughts and telling him how to do something.

      In matters of sex, a man expects to promote his ability with intercourse, only to discover that physical foreplay, after play, and intimacy are connected and his nature is unfamiliar with such things. He has to learn all the physical connections in order to do a good job, even though he has little knowledge or ability to evaluate his emotional impact on her. So many connections, so little satisfaction for him except orgasm, and so he focuses on that.

      Guy

      • Amazing gracee

        Sir Guy,

        Does this mean that he’s more comfortable in the physical realm because of his experience that x+y usually = z (z being the accomplishment he seeks)?
        However in the emotional realm he’s more uncomfortable because it’s so variable how his actions or words may or may not result in success with her? I would venture that he may often be confused as to why she is upset or even recognize that she is upset without physical “signs” he can observe (i.e. Tears, prolonged silence, “the look”). Confounded by the fact that every woman is so different!

        Am I understanding correctly? Please clarify and expound where needed.

        Your Highness Amazing Gracee,
        Yes, you understand correctly. The sexes are very, very different in the relationship arena. Men do not follow what women expect; they take their own course and a woman needs to let them follow her blessings and get hooked on her attractiveness, poise, feminine charm, modesty, monogamous spirit, and attire that outshines her competitors. Once she’s conquered, however, those blessings become much less inspiring.
        Guy

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