2704. Secret to Marriage: Putting Wife in Charge

At post 2703 Her Highness SeekandFind triggered this article.

She inquired, “is the secret to marriage, from a woman’s point of view, making her husband feel important at all times, while subtlety maintaining her own self worth?”

My response: Close but not quite.

From the woman’s point of view, the secret to marriage is to do it all herself. Both seek to get their way with the other, but only she has the skill to balance the competition and make their relationship harmonious.

She makes her husband satisfied with himself—neither happy nor important, just satisfied is all he needs—for having chosen her and living with her. Having attained the skill to keep him satisfied with himself, it frees her to use free will and develop the home and family life aimed at fulfilling her girlhood dream.

As long as he’s satisfied living with her, he plays an adjunct involvement role. Even though he’s the ultimate boss, boasting of his ultimacy fades under her gracious charm, quick wit solving present-day problems, and stubbornness at keeping herself focused on brightening the future.

By doing all that, she makes herself important, finds happiness to the extent she does it gratefully, and spreads her love routinely and graciously to confirm her self-worth. It’s all in her nature to exploit, but she has to make their relationship stable and inseparable.

Here are a few more thoughts to help make the secret work for her.

  • Does her importance satisfy him? Not really! It’s what she does with her sense of importance to enhance her abilities and those things that make husband proud to have her.
  • Does showering him with her love satisfy him? Not really! He’s already satisfied; he accepted her love as adequate to ensure her loyalty before he ever proposed. He prefers being taken for granted rather than be inflicted with smother love.
  • Do hints of her admiration satisfy him? Yes, he naturally assumes she admires him. Indirect mentions are all that is needed to confirm it. Trying too hard, such as when he’s depressed or lazy, doesn’t work well. Her motivation appears as effort to uplift him, which he interprets as effort to change him, which he resists and resents.

If he’s not worth her effort, they are not matched well. If she’s not worth his effort, she’s not doing it right.


Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, marriage, old school

2 responses to “2704. Secret to Marriage: Putting Wife in Charge

  1. Miss Gina

    Dear Sir Guy,

    So true.

    May I add something here? It is possible to have an extremely stubborn and/or controlling man who will not respond to the smoothest female ingenuity. This is one of those things to screen for in advance of marriage–is he happy to let details go your way, or does everything have to be his way? Detail-oriented is fine if he doesn’t impose that on you–although a very detail-oriented man and extremely free-wheeling woman may not be a good match. A man willing to delegate to the lady and willing to be happy with the results is the key and I believe a sign of devotion. Also, is he capable of being persuaded (not marshmallowy in opinions, though), or does he cling to his opinions in the face of contrary evidence? Marrying a man without this could turn out to be a disaster.

    Standing up to a stubborn/controlling man during courtship would probably expose whether it’s best to stay or move on.

    Your Highness Miss Gina,
    Wise counsel, thank you. Your last statement is a must. She can compete with him before conquest; in fact, it goes far to establish their dominance/dominated relationship to her advantage.

  2. SeekandFind

    Hi Sir Guy,

    Thank you for responding to my question in today’s post!

    I understand that a guy wants to feel satisfied first, and not particularly loved or overly admired. Aside from the domestic life, can a woman go wrong in satisfying her husband i.e. in his career or personal interest? What role does she play in these areas? I’m sure the same principle is applies, but how?

    Here’s a scenerio: A young woman and young man are best friends through college. They are comfortable being honest (brutally honest at times) with each other without making the other person feel bad. They are respectful of each other’s careers, beliefs (mostly shared) and personal interest. If these two decide to get married, should their way of interacting and relating to each other change?

    Your Highness SeekandFind,

    1st para: Inquire if she can help and than shut up. Move forward only if invited, when you know it’s his job, business, hobby, or other thing that does not directly involve her relationship.

    2nd para: Yes, unless he later objects, she becomes less independent and more dependent on him.

    However, this claim sounds one-sided, “(brutally honest) with each other without making the other person feel bad.” Or, if she has disclosed everything about her past, especially sexual history, marriage may start hazardous.

    It’s easy for a woman to figure that things will work out just fine and just as before. Men are not so easily molded into female-think. I see nothing here that indicates whether he’s devoted to her or their friendship.


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