2708. Life Made Simpler for Women — 02


  • When a woman gives her attention to every man seeking to talk, she demonstrates respect for the male gender, which makes more men pay more attention to her. A man can easily become envious and be challenged to pursue a woman, when he sees another man use manly talking points to hold her attention.
  • Until she earns his respect, a man expects to ignore her or dominate their dialogue. Unless he’s just after sex, he doesn’t care to associate if she doesn’t respect him, and she demonstrates it best by just listening.
  • Men respect women two ways. 1) According to how well each female denies a man’s conquest. The more denials over extended time, the more respect she earns and it lasts for his life. It’s natural programming that has the effect of being hardwired. It doesn’t mean he will stay with her, however, just respect her. 2) According to her accomplishments, both what and how well, that he can admire.
  • When a man is satisfied with his marriage, he is satisfied with himself for having chosen that way of life. Her love helps, but it’s not the linchpin motivator that she thinks it is.
  • When a man is satisfied with both his wife and living with her, he is satisfied that he chose well. Her love helps, but it’s not the kingpin that she thinks it is.
  • A husband may remain devoted enough to stay with his wife as she changes—e.g., appearance, personality, likeability, loyalty—from the gal to whom he proposed. But his devotion may weaken, and he finds it more difficult to ignore the attractive but unconquered women everywhere. After all, a man’s urge to conquer lasts for life, and other attractions can bring new accomplishments and satisfactions to displace marital disappointments.

15 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage

15 responses to “2708. Life Made Simpler for Women — 02

  1. msarianne

    Great list!
    You’re first point, Sir Guy, I just experienced that. The poor fellow, I don’t think he realized that he was “competing” for my attention with another man. I suddenly had 2 very pleasing men wanting my time. We were in a group setting where one (new) man had my undivided attention. It was fun 🙂

  2. Miss Gina

    Dear Sir Guy,
    Regarding your last point, how can he be “satisfied” with his marriage if he is wishing wife were different? We may be defining “satisfied” differently, I guess.

    Your Highness Miss Gina,

    I had no intent in that bullet to say “he is wishing wife were different.” Perhaps I worded it poorly.

    So, I replace the bullet in question as follows.

    • A husband may remain devoted enough to stay with his wife as she changes—e.g., appearance, personality, likeability, loyalty—from the gal to whom he proposed. But his devotion may weaken, and he finds it more difficult to ignore the attractive but unconquered women everywhere. A man’s urge to conquer lasts for life, and other attractions can bring new accomplishments and satisfactions to displace marital disappointments.

    The pressures of the masculine nature work like that.

    Guy

    • Miss Gina

      Ok, got it, I think. So I believe you are saying that devotion can overcome wife’s changes, but better for wife not to change.

      Your Highness Miss Gina,
      You got it, but I think withstand is more accurate than overcome.
      Guy

      • yellowblue

        this leaves me so sad.what if we remain the same with everything,but are age we cant help that it changes.us women are just not as attractive as we age.husbands may not admit it,but they cant stay satified with us if our looks change from age reguardless if we weigh the same.

        Your Highness Yellowblue,

        I’m glad to report you are wrong. It’s the biggest crime you ladies commit at the mirror and in female chitchat. By the time you’ve spent years with a man, your attractiveness that holds him has expanded to include much more than your aging.

        For example, your likeability as person, woman, and the roles you fill. He ages too, and so if you mellow together, your wrinkles receive far less attention than you think. You will age gracefully, if you pay more attention to your mutual likeability, mutual loyalty, and keeping him satisfied with who you are, what you do, and living with each other. If you’re likeable enough that it keeps him satisfied, then he doesn’t look for someone else for love or sex. He’ll glance at dolls in passing, because his hunter-conqueror nature never shuts down.

        Now, if you’re single it is more complicated. But again, don’t place your focus on what’s not there, what is there, and what you’d like to change that has been brought on by aging. Men can overlook it if you can and do. It doesn’t stop his primal urge to screw everything that’s practical. As throughout life, your job remains the same: Make him like and appreciate you so much that he’s willing to pay whatever your price is to capture you. The higher the price to bed you, the more his focus shifts from bed to you. After that happens, aging causes so few problems that you’re better off just to forget them.

        Instead of blaming all men for what some do or think, give YOUR man credit for his substantial satisfaction in your life. After all, if he’s satisfied with himself, he’s not looking to go elsewhere.

        Guy

        • Miss Gina

          Dear Lady Yellowblue,

          No need for despair! Don’t know if you caught my comment responding to you on this subject at Post 2769.

          • yellowblue

            yes i did Gina.thank you.
            Gina,Sir Guy
            its funny i worry about this.im getting better from my illness,my husband on the other hand hand became disabled a few years ago and can not work at our age,mid 40s now and it really knocks him down and he sees himself as worthless now,nothing i say or do makes him feel good about himself.and since he spends most of his time in bed due to his disabitity and he started getting on his phone on websites and video hangout with people(women and just certain people he would never have been caught dead talking to
            transexuals)

            and he hid it all from me and when i found out it crushed me.this happend close to 3 years ago,and i admit,i flippped out,and it was the the first time in over 20 years we have been together that i yelled,and of course it made everything worse.he said he wanted a divorce and saying horrible things about me.we fought off and on for 2 years.and him leaving for weeks at a time to stay in our camper on our property just to be on line with those women and those other gross people.

            the last time he did it was last year,i didnt say anything this time because just before he went out,for the first time in our 23 years of being together he screamed out me he didnt love me anymore,he has been pretending with me.
            well that was it for me to,i just was so hurt that he choose online women and transexual people over me,people he didnt even know them but online live real videos that he knew these people.
            he stayed outside in that camper for a month.i didnt bother him,talk to him,nothing.he still gave me money for food and things that he always did.

            my friend called and he answered,she knew alittle bit thats been going on between us but didnt let him know that.they talked,im not sure everything that was said between them,but 2 days later he came back in the house and told me he loves me and he is sorry about what he said,but he NEVER APOLOGISED for being online with those people.
            i didnt say anything back but over this year he doesnt let me see him on his phone,so im not sure if he is still talking to those people.i know he is on his phone in the mornings off and on until the late afternnoon but i dont know what he is doing,im scared to ask and start another fight.he gets defensive if i ask.i know he loves looking on sites like ebay and such and buys stuff alot,but how could someone be online for that long every single day.he never been online that long before those people online.but he did use to work and when he got on ebay it was no more then one hour.

            ask not long after he came back in if he is still watching there videos and talking to them and he said no.
            he has lied so much and hid things so much over those 2 years that i dont know if i belive him.

            i will say one of my health issues he paid 50.000 to help me.i know he wanted to help me but i know he would have wanted to spend that money buying other things,and he has taken me away for our anniversary a few months ago for the first time in years,but im having a hard time beliving he is not pretending with me,maybe to keep doing what he has been doing online but trying to keep me from knowing or pretending to want to be with me for the kids even though they are newly adults now but still living at home.i dont know,sometimes i feel he loves me and sometimes i feel like he is settling because he is disabled and cant get out there with someone else,i mean he can but its very hard for him.
            i just dont want to waste anymore time with him and im not sure if i am yet,its only been a year we been trying and it goes from good to not so good and i feel like if he doesnt really want me and is not attracted to me,i want to move on,im not young,im geting ready to be 46 soon,but im not to old to start over either.
            and im having a hard time dealing with the transexual thing.his our values morals we shared have changed.
            i did ask him a year ago if he liked them and he said no,why would you ask me that.
            i know he interacted with them and became friends with them because og the people he was accociating with were and he was trying to fit in

            how should i handle this?

            Your Highness Yellowblue,
            Either get out or learn to live with it without complaint. He doesn’t know how to make things right relative to his outside interests or how to satisfy you living with him. So git or learn to accept your misery.
            Guy

            • yellowblue

              also last week we got into an arguement and he said i been done with you along time ago,i said divorce me then,i dont care.
              thats the first arguement we had in a year,and i will avoid saying anything back if it happends again.we are ok now after he didnt speak to me for a week.
              but what bothers me is if he gets mad at me he will say i been done with you for awhile now,it makes me fell like he is pretending with me,just settling.
              it doesnt matter if i talk to him or ask does he really want me,he always sugar coats stuff,so he wont be truthful anyway until he gets mad and says the stuff above.
              ps,please read my post above
              thank you for helping me through this

            • yellowblue

              thanks Sir Guy,i have been doing everything,i dont need him to do anything except stay off his phone,it bothers me because all of the above,i told him how i felt about him staying in bed,on his phone,but he does it anyway.
              everything would be fine if he stopped it,but he doesnt,he still perfers whatever,whoever is in his phone over me,spending time with me,doing things he can do.

        • yellowblue

          Sir Guy,he doesnt do anything to be satisfed with himself because he is disabled and cant work,that when all of our problems with the online people started.
          he can do somethings inside and outside the home(manly things)but he doesnt he perfers the people or whatever on his phone,in bed.maybe once a week he will go outside for a little bit and do something.

          so he cant satisfy himself to be satisfed with me

          • Meow Meow

            Yellowblue…after reading your posts above I think you might have to accept he’s a goner. Your husband sounds mentally ill and your suffering will only be prolonged the longer you stay with him. At the very least it sounds like he has either a sex addiction or a technology addiction where the phone is more important than anyone else. Its really common these days.

            You can thank your husband for everything. You can even still love him, if you do. You can remember the happy days with love and gratitude. In this way you can at least be happy for the past, if not the present. But…that doesn’t mean you have to stay anymore. It sounds like he doesn’t respect you anymore because you are putting up with this current emotional abuse. So he can’t love you.

            If you can, try to leave for awhile and get some perspective on the situation. You are not too old to start over. Wish you all the best.

          • Miss Gina

            Dear Lady YellowBlue,

            If that is the case, I think it may be time for some thoughts for your own welfare. He is in essence cheating. It is sad that he has had a disability, but that is no excuse for this behavior. Even though the temptation is everywhere, he still owes you his loyalty and good treatment.

            In a few cases, sometimes women decide that the situation is still best for them. As Sir Guy says, that would entail acceptance of things as they are, knowing he may never change. The only thing to do is to change yourself and what you are willing to accept from him. He will have to change in some ways in reaction to that, but you have no guarantees.

            On the other hand, there is the option to get out of the situation and start a new chapter for yourself.

            Both choices will require a great deal of courage, strength, and change on your part–as well as rebuilding self-love torn down by this destructive cycle. I wish you God’s blessing and wisdom on your journey.

            • yellowblue

              Miss Gina
              he has a phone addiction for sure.it bothers me so much because of everything he did on it.he says he is not associating with those people anymore.i dont know if he is because he is good at hiding stuff with his phone.he isnt on it as much as he use to be and i dont see him interacting personally with them live.if he is he is hiding it very well.

              i know i played a part in our downfall,but i can say i never critized,nagged or put him down.i treated him like a king for 21 years until the online happend and i did snap on him.
              but when he had to stop working and had surgery and had to stay in bed for months(thats when the online stuff started)
              i became ill and depressed,im better now,but still i have some depression i think because of all this.
              when he started online and i was ill
              the house became a mess,i hardly cooked i stopped taking care of myself and i was a very atrractive woman who became not attractive anymore.
              he stayed in bed and me out in the livingroom.he asked me to come to bed a few nights but i made excuses to sleep on the couch.so i have myself to blame for him having so much free time to have got on the phone and start talking to other people.now i dont know how to stop it.i think they made him feel good about himself.
              i would have bet my life before this happend that he wasnt the type to do those things,and he wasnt until he became disabled.
              he was a hard working goal setting man who isnt/cant anymore and he lost his self respect.
              even after all this,he thinks the transexual life style is ok now,something he use to be so against.his values and morals are different now.i use to respect and fell in love with his morals values and character,but he changed and the sad part is after 21 years of being together,he finally became my mr right then a couple years later it was taken all away.
              (btw.he says he only associated with the transexuals because the people/women he was friends with online did.they became part of the group.i just cant wrap my head around how he became a follower when he was a leader,how he became personal friends with those people,im having a hard time with his value and moral changes)(i feel like im alone with them when we lived and felt the same about those kind of things)

              the thing is Miss Gina when he thinks we are doing good and he does things to make me happy he starts to be on his phone alot until i start acting sour,then he gets sour,it last a couple days and it cycles.i feel like he chooses the phone and the people he is on there with over me and our life together(even though he says he is not talking to them anymore)i know he gets on sale sites like ebay
              but he does seem to be trying for whatever reason,i just dont get why he wont stop with the phone,its the only thing in our way,he has to know it,he knows i hate it,i told him many times in the past,i dont know if he he kind of trying because he does want me or if he is just preending and settling with me because of are adult kids who are still home or because of his disability.

              this year
              he gave up his grandparents home in another state because i didnt want to move,so it got sold,one of the hardest descions he had to make,although he has property close by there that he bought to keep in the family and he wants to visit there a few times a year.im ok with just going twice a year though for several reasons,but he wants to go more,so i think thats why he was able to give up the house because he still was able to buy his family property even though his grandparents home meant very much to him.

              he got up thousands of dollars to fix a health issue for me
              and has done a few nice things to make me happy.
              so im not sure what to do or think.

              he hasnt wanted me sexually in a couple years(i guess when i let myself go)but even when i look good he still doesnt want me or touch me.he never was like that before the online stuff.
              although im better now,ill never be as attractive as i once was no matter what i do.i still dont keep up with my looks like i should,it feels like it would be a waste of time and would make me feel worse when my husband shows no intresnt.even just holding me like he use to would mean the world to me without me having to ask,i never had to ask before.i dont ask anymore and he hasnt tried to physically touch me in over a year

              also im finacially dependent on him.
              how would you approch this Gina with this new information
              thank you,you have been my lifeline,i have had no one for years

              • Miss Gina

                Dear Lady YellowBlue,

                You can rebuild a life better than before for yourself. He may or may not choose to join you.

                I don’t have a lot of time now, but have you tried gently admitting that which you feel you should and offering an apology? Even just for letting yourself go. This would be appropriate no matter which way things go.

                Also, just try to get communication open again by showing you understand and appreciate him for who he is and that you don’t think less of him for his inability to work. Have you thought about helping him think of something productive he could do?

                And your appearance is important no matter what. Sorry, I was a semi-invalid myself with basically no money and did my appearance the best I could, even if it was all I could do all day. I bought makeup at the dollar store and found some nice clothes at thrift stores. I don’t accept excuses for doing anything but one’s best on that part. Besides, it will make you feel better and help open doors with other people. It shows respect for self and others.

                Speaking of which, now is a great opportunity to build some relationships within the community to have a social support network for yourself. Just going out once in a while to community events, attending church, joining a book club or local choir or dance class–whatever allows you to do something fun where you can meet new, quality people. This makes you happier and better able to handle stressful situations so is worth every effort.

                Best regards

  3. Meow Meow

    Dear Yellow Blue

    I am someone who also once had a great marriage before my husband lost his job. After a long period of unemployment he fell into lying, porn, and even an internet shopping addiction. i wouldn’t have thought him capable of it before.
    Unemployment/disability can do such a number on a man’s self esteem alone, although what you are describing about him suggests he may have some sort of undiagnosed mental illness. You talk about values change (almost like a personality change), cycles of behavior and disinterest in sex.

    Whether addiction or mental illness, there is only so much you can do. The sitution doesn’t sound livable long-term. Please stop dwelling and perseverating on the past and heed Miss Gina’s wise words. Get out of the house and make friends/build social support. When things were real bad in my marriage BTW that is when I’d make myself extra pretty—pay more attention to hygiene, weight maintenace, dressing and looking well. It helped me maintain my self-respect and it has really helped me negotiate the ups and downs of my marriage from a better place.Thrift stores/dollar stores are indeed a godsend. (This will also help you prepare to find work. May I ask if he can’t work, how are you financially dependent on him? Is disability your only source of income? If so then getting even a small part time job will help you feel more secure.)

    You can get a pet, go to church, walk in nature and speak your troubles to God. You can be thankful for the well years you did have together. And you can still love him, even if you do not remain together. That’s hard but maybe necessary. Stay strong and have faith in yourself. I am going through similar circumstances so I understand.

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