- A man is willing to change to keep what he has won or achieved, and the more devoted the more likely he will change to keep it. A man is NOT willing to change to get what he wants in a relationship (although he may fake it to enable conquest).
- The unexpected selfish and self-absorbed demands of a woman can crush a man’s devotion, especially if it’s a dramatic change from the gal he married.
- Women are willing to change to get what they want, such as a man. They are unlikely, however, to change to keep what they’ve won, earned, or been given. Instead, they want more without their having to change while eagerly expecting others to change. (Example: New bride expects husband to approach boss for a raise in order to pay off her student loans or the honeymoon.)
- The good wife exploits her cooperative spirit, patience, and indirectness to keep husband satisfied with himself. Enough years of that and he becomes Mr. Right in her eyes. It may take a couple of decades, but she does it by following her feminine nature more than expecting him to change. (A man loves it when he’s more grateful of her than of himself. Mr. Right readily admits that he couldn’t have done without her.)
- The natural dominance of men means they get their way with least effort. Physical and mental determination promote the easier path. Women are born as the superior gender. It enables but also burdens them to show men how to love and live well (except concerning his job).
- Female love can melt male domination in a man devoted to her. His wife drives the marital bus to his satisfaction, which makes unnecessary the need for husband to impose his dominance.
2712. Life Made Simpler for Women — 04
Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage
What Women Never Hear 
“The unexpected selfish and self-absorbed demands of a woman can crush a man’s devotion, especially if it’s a dramatic change from the gal he married.”
Something interesting to address: false altruism. Where a woman tries to present her own interests and wants as someone else’s. “We need to hurry.” “It’s not putting yourself out, it’s getting the XYZ for the baby’s birthday!” “You’ll let Sara down if you don’t drop me off.” I think some women even think that what they want is what husband/baby/Sara wants. Yet these demands can become nagging and grating quickly, and men respond to them as they respond to selfishness.
Your Highness Superslaviswife,
Worthy and highly welcome contribution. Thank you.
Guy
The cooperative spirit, patience, and indirectness can do much, I am convinced. But are there ever times when what a woman perceives as her best interest really does need to come first, and she really does need to clearly, strongly lay down the law with a man? I ask because . . .
Tonight, the man at church called to “keep in touch.” Things started out pleasantly. He talked about painting the ceiling of his porch and about visiting the cemetery to place flowers on family graves (his father served in WWII).
But he also talked about showing up to work today after yesterday when he polished off an entire bottle of Scotch–due to stress at work. And then he launched into a tirade about stupid f–cks who don’t know the difference between Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day, hinting that some of them were folks at church.
At that point, I said, “I have to hang up,” and did. Because I ran out of cooperative spirit, patience, and indirectness trying NOT to go where the conversation went.
The last significant phone conversation we had, I hung up on him because he started indulging in some major self-pity, and I lost my temper, for which I apologized later.
This time, I sort of can’t believe I hung up again, but it just seemed very important to stop things in their tracks. And there will be no apology.
I don’t know what all has been going on in his life recently, but I’m pretty clear that I’m not going to have further conversations with the man at church until he acknowledges that he was way out of line.
We’re all human, we all make mistakes, we all have struggles, and I have spent my life trying not to kick people when they’re down, especially if they’re honest about their struggles, but I don’t see how the classic female skills of relationship management can do anything in this situation.
Your Highness Edith Mcklveen,
I tend to disagree with this statement. “I don’t see how the classic female skills of relationship management can do anything in this situation.” That’s exactly what you used and continue doing. You weigh and duck out of the unacceptable and do it without complaining or explaining yourself. You keep him wondering what he should do next, if he is in fact that interested in you.
Keep up your standards and expectations. He will get the message and change or he won’t. In either case you are better off. If you can, let him see you with another man.
Guy
And just to be clear, as time goes on, it is more and more clear that Ms. Gina’s assessment of this man as unmarriageable is pretty accurate. But there has to be a way to interact with him that is respectful but sets some limits that I didn’t realize until now need to be set.
Your Highness Edith Mcklveen,
You are already doing what you should do. Well done!
Guy