2726. Wisdom from Edith


Her Highness Edith Mcklveen describes very well how some men act immaturely, disrespectfully, embittered, or disdainful of themselves. They don’t make good dates or mates, and it relates to the concerns of many women.

Guy

——

I’ve done some more reflection on men who state what they want in a woman in such a way that they frighten away the potential relationship they say they want.

WWNH makes clear that, outside of sex, men are attracted to women they see as affirming their sense of self-worth and enhancing their status in the eyes of others.

And, as WWNH points out, under normal circumstances, that’s not too difficult for women to do. Men are pretty cut-to-the-chase.

As I currently see it, hero worship and food go a long way. A man will make it easy for a woman to give him adulation and potato salad. (She must make him work for it, or he will happily allow her to praise him and feed him and never say thanks . . . because of course attention is supposed to be her natural and proper response.)

There are men who make it hard for women to approach with admiration and food and other forms of attention. They are demanding and critical and have impossible expectations. They act like women in the ways they make intimacy extremely difficult.

These are disappointed and damaged men who, for whatever reasons, have not been able to bounce back with the usual male resiliency. They are angry and bitter and mistrustful, and in trying to hide these troubling and crippling feelings and appear normal and in control and cool, they end up making life more complicated than even a woman can.

The sad thing for me is that apparently a lot of these men are Christians. They are people who claim to believe in forgiveness and second chances and God’s goodness even in the midst of hardships. And yet they can’t shake off resentment, bitterness, even fear.

Years ago, I fell in love with such a man. I thought that if I could just be sensitive enough and show him I understood him more than anyone else, he would relax, unbend, forget the past, and be happy and grateful to me for my understanding.

Not at all.

Such men are to be pitied and avoided. Not hated or nagged. They should be treated, as all human beings should, with respect. After all, they’ve been through and survived their share of crap. But otherwise, they need to be left strictly alone.

5 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, sex differences

5 responses to “2726. Wisdom from Edith

  1. Sir Guy, you and that Other Guy and Miss Gina have held my feet to the fire on a lot of issues. I wish I had gotten the message when I was twenty about real-life “wounded” men.

    The hero of the romance novel is a man who has some secret sorrow that makes him brood and walk the moors and commune with his soul much more intensely than any woman ever does.

    A spunky, cheerful, unfussy, competent woman comes along who is openly disdainful of whiny, selfish rich boys (which the hero is), and somehow her confidence and sarcasm force him to realize what a wimp he is. He squares his shoulders and becomes the ideal man who is brave, resourceful, and completely devoted to the heroine. And she, having restored the hero to his rightful role, is then free to act out her rightful role as a pampered princess.

    That scenario, I am convinced, is dear to the heart of many, many women. And it’s fun to have a girl’s night with friends and watch chick flicks and eat pizza and cry buckets over the struggles of a couple fated to be together. But in real life, trying to rescue wounded men can cause immense heartache.

    If he’s not in the process of of changing out of his own desire to change, womanly wiles aren’t going to have any impact.

    I have learned the hard way, but I do think I’ve finally clued in.

    Your Highness Edith,
    You have become a delightful resource for clarity and understanding. Thank you, darling.
    Guy

  2. annasaisani1

    Amen to that.

  3. Southern Belle

    Sir Guy,

    I feel a truly feminine heart wishes to love and forgive and “smooth things over” in all relationships and it takes a great deal of abuse to squelch this natural inclination. However it seems as though now woman are put down for being weak and this is seen as a weakness rather than a virtue. Now this image of tough, don’t mess with me, “hard core” my way or get lost b**** seems to be praised. Is this part of the darkness of feminist message? If a woman’s very heart beats for relationship with others and amongst family and friends is she not indeed the catalyst for relationship mending among family and friends? Is this not a virtue and indeed a God-given responsibility…the heart of a woman.
    Sir Guy, this Southern Belle is torn between heart and mind 😦

    Your Highness Southern Belle,
    No reason to be torn between heart and mind. Women are weak when they yield heart matters to mind appraisal, acceptance, and discourse. The darkness of the feminist message is getting women to pay more attention to the mind of others and thereby resist mining their heart for the rightness of things to do. Think about it; who knows better than you what is right for you?
    Guy

  4. The desire to love and be loved is, I think, a very strong desire in women. Men want that, too, but it doesn’t rank as high on the wish list, and it’s motivated by different things.

    Everyone can benefit from womanly nurturing, but not everyone wants it or appreciates it. In a fallen world, this particular God-given gift can turn out to be a curse.

    In the name of peace and harmony, women can make unreasonable demands on others, and/or they can find themselves being taken advantage of or even hurt by others.

    When it comes to being a harmonizer in a fallen world, women need to, as the Bible says, “be wise as a serpent, innocent as a dove” and remember how foolish it is to “cast your pearls before swine.

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