2735. Back to Basics for Back to Basics — Part A

Attention, ladies. This begins a two or three part response to the comment of Her Highness Back to Basics. I am grateful she inquired in ways seldom seen on the blog. Her unique questioning deserves consideration at deeper levels.


Your Highness Back to Basics,

Welcome aboard. I love it when pretty women join us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

Your comment at post 2728 cites your confusion over my statement that: “A younger female shape and appearance are marvelous attractions, but they don’t hold a man.” Trying to ease your confusion, I tackle the rest of your comment.

You claim I provide “A lot of arguments for not trying to appear younger even though it is prettier….” It’s true. All females are born pretty and know it in their hearts as long as they live.

In defining terms, one can say that younger is prettier but aging takes a toll. Among couples trying to find accord and reach compatibility, acting younger brings immaturity. Pretty trumps younger except when sex is the subject.

Pretty is stable in each gal’s heart and reflects in her attitude. Trying to appear younger than one’s age is very different. Not originating in the heart, seeking to appear younger has a shadow of falsity about it. Single men see it as desperation, which discourages association except for sex.

Once in the habit of trying to appear younger than her age, a woman continually tries harder with ever declining success. She is seldom completely satisfied with her appearance and comfortable with herself except for a few hours at a time. In surprise situations, she wishes she looked better; discomfort follows. Frustrations easily set in and dampen her attitude about life, which does little to satisfy her man.

Manly adoration comes from what’s inside and not outside of a woman. In the eyes of mature men living with a highly appreciated woman, her attractiveness is not a function of younger. It is a function of seeing what’s in her heart, her prettiness for which he has nothing comparable. Women are process experts. In the process of trying to keep a man, attractiveness fabricated around her prettiness regardless of age is superior to attractiveness built on false youthfulness.

You claim “…there is no feminine woman on earth who doesn’t care about how much her man is attracted to her.” While I agree as worded, it’s a sad omen.

Feeling that way invites a woman to blame her man for not paying enough attention to her. But blame and female complaints do not change a man. (Men do not change to get what they want with a woman but will change to keep what they have.)

Women who truly care “how much her man is attracted to her” also try hard to be more attractive to him. It’s the natural way of self-respecting, self-loving, and cooperative women. Their nature urges them to look pretty to show their love of self, which enables them to share by reflecting love onto others.

The more she cares, the more she acts on it. She first owes it to herself. Thus, how much he’s attracted to her depends on how thoroughly she exploits her unique feminine attractiveness to please herself.

In the end, a woman’s attractiveness is critical for attracting a man, especially for sex, but not critical for keeping him. Worse, expecting otherwise distracts a woman from harmonizing her relationship with a man to help brighten her future and improve her path to happiness. It may also mislead her in other matters.

More follows tomorrow.


Filed under boobs, courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

4 responses to “2735. Back to Basics for Back to Basics — Part A

  1. Meow Meow

    A youthful and positive/playful attitude is most important, as dourness repels (and ages us) rather than attracts!

    Yes I do spend more time on exercise, skin care and toiletries than I used to. Nails crack and thin with age and need attending to. Hair, as well. I recently started covering my severely sun damaged shoulders and arms when at the office, although I go about as I wish in my neighborhood. Especially at the workplace, attention to your presentation is key to fitting in with younger staff—I don’t try to look as young as them, just show that I care about my appearance and am not “phoning it in.”

    Better quality of clothing—maybe buying less but better made clothes/shoes is very helpful as well. It’s fascinating how Sir Guy’s concept of “Pretty Time” is so soothing to the soul and relevant no matter what our age.

    Your Highness Meow Meow,
    Thank you for an understanding contribution. This Guy feels helped.

  2. Miss Gina

    I think it’s natural for ladies to have questions about this topic. Maybe it would help for a mature lady to pipe in with examples. I think Sir Guy is at least in part warning against appearing to try too hard to look young. This could take the form of excessive interest in looks or in trying to sport a look best suited to younger people. Sometimes it’s just that a woman won’t give up something that looked great on her 15 years ago. I don’t think he is saying to not do our best with what we have–even challenging ourselves if we need to.

    For one thing, people who are comfortable in their own skins are very attractive. This confidence is part of the attraction of older women…we should be caring less about what others think and charmingly letting the world know what we think it should know.

    Secondly, there are many ways to get it wrong these days with so few social guidelines. The main thing is to own where we are in life and not fight it. I have seen women in their mid-thirties wearing dresses cut in a style that a little girl would wear. I have seen women that same age wearing their hair just as they did in high school. In the same vein, many women in their thirties cringe at being called “Mrs. X,” as if they are afraid to be grown women. These are examples of even relatively young women fighting reality rather than going with it.

    As we age, being pretty may mean that we buy clothes that skim over any sagging parts while giving a nice profile. It may mean finding a hairdo that lifts the face and adjusting makeup to changing skin and hair color. It’s not really about recapturing lost youth; it’s about embracing the next step in life. A youthful attitude (with wisdom) shines through at any age.

    I personally have found that I spend more on clothes and toiletries than I used to, and that may be unavoidable. I once could wear most items on the clearance rack. In my case, I find better quality and fit now help out a body that has carried two children and lived through a 32-year marriage more manageably than plastic surgery would. I also try to choose styles that may or may not be the hottest fashion rage, but they are classic and flattering rather than sloppy or grandma-ish. This takes significant thought and effort and a bit more cost but doesn’t have to be all-absorbing. The thing, I think, is to make it look fitting and natural enough for the lady’s individual qualities as to appear effortless.

    Hair can cost a lot of money to keep nice as it ages, but the style is most important. Exercise for health and appearance remains important, too. However, extremes in these and other areas are unattractive.

    I think we all have seen someone who is going a bit overboard in spending too much time or money or mental energy on looking younger, and it subtracts from the overall effect. We can err on the other side as well–I believe that often, the things that look to a man like we are trying too hard to stay young usually mean we are not trying hard enough to keep up with the changes of life, like just going with that outdated lipstick or hairstyle and never freshening or updating.

    On a related note, my husband was recently telling me about some very wealthy older women he met on a business trip who looked great. They clearly spent a lot of money on their looks and were doing a lot of things right. However, he could see the daggers of jealousy in their eyes as they hugged each other. The intense competition it caused between those who were supposed to be friends made them ugly and erased all the money and effort spent.

    Your Highness Miss Gina,

    Thanks for providing so much understanding. It fills a void I created in the article.

    The critical theme is this. A woman who tries to appear younger than her age develops a mindset that disfavors and an attitude that reflects poorly on her man. She internalizes the dilemma of how to please husband by looking younger, but she spends inordinate time and effort figuring how younger women look and act so she can look good by comparison.


    • Miss Gina

      Yes, this is what I was trying to convey, which you addressed very well, Sir Guy.

      A woman overly concerned with aging loses her confidence and comes across as desperate. Icky.

      On the other hand, a woman who is in denial about her age comes across as careless or out of touch with reality. Also icky.

      The part about how the woman’s actions reflect on her man is not generally well understood by women about men, I believe.

  3. Some Other Guy

    Each man is different. I can only give my opinion. I’ve been married for 29 years. To me, my wife’s looks are very important. I think I differ with Sir Guy here.

    First let’s be clear about what I mean by “my wife’s looks”. I do not expect my wife to stay the same age forever. Of course she will age and get wrinkles etc etc. Her body shape will shift in places. That is expected. It is not age that is important. Instead it is that she remains in shape that is important. It is critically important that she not get fat if she is wants to keep my eyes on her only. Sure, her pleasantness and femininity is important and probably more so than her looks. But let’s not downplay how important staying within a reasonable distance of her marriage weight is. I married a woman that was #120. I will always subconsciously be comparing her to the #120. This is my anchor point. I would be lying if I said gaining a lot of weight was unimportant. At some point it becomes a deal breaker.

    Sir Some Other Guy,

    Thank you for such a clear and worthy contribution.

    You say each man may be different, yet you describe the values and expections of most men living with a wife. It also matches the male nature as I try to describe it.

    I particularly think all women should note the following. It’s a message that I can’t seem to convey this effectively.

    “I married a woman that was #120. I will always subconsciously be comparing her to the #120. This is my anchor point. I would be lying if I said gaining a lot of weight was unimportant. At some point it becomes a deal breaker.”

    You make it emphatic and clear. A man seeks to remain married to his bride, not someone who looks like another because her looks changed dramatically.

    Thanks again. Your comments repeatedly strike the bells of clarity and understanding in such ways as to add significant mental wealth to this blog. It’s great to have you back.


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