2737. Back to Basics for Back to Basics — Part C

Your Highness Back to Basics,

I continue my response to your comment at 2728. I explain the male nature that causes so much roughness for women dealing with men. I believe the knowledge imparted below can relieve a lot of angst that leads to female unhappiness. It’s more complex than your view of how women think. It may or may not be of personal interest.

Your intriguing statements include this bolded sentence. The context is complaint. “And believing your man thought other females marvelous attractions… while he enjoyed you mostly for your personality….” That is, men are no darn good because they enjoy looking at other women and not appreciating the attractiveness they have at home. I address it in two sections: “marvelous attractions” here.

Men enjoy the marvels of female attractions because they have two sex drives. Their primary drive is the lifelong urge to have first-time sex with attractive women that permit it, aka conquest, and often referred to as spreading their seed.

From time immemorial women have complained about that natural urge. Modern women blame and complain about it, but either God or Nature did it. OTOH, and modern women seem to ignore this, God or Nature empowered women to conquer that male drive. Many women over the centuries mastered the art, and old school American women standardized the practice.

Highly different from males at birth, females are blessed with the relationship expertise required to civilize and tame men such that they devote themselves to one woman. It’s a skill set that requires knowledge of both the female and male natures and more than a little practice. Men lack that expertise, and so relationship building and management—more indirect than direct, more patient than impulsive, more sacrifice than selfish—devolves to women or it doesn’t go well or last very long.

Women should practice endlessly on all men with the male nature in mind. He has: need for a place to flop, throw his things, get some R&R, and prepare to face tomorrow’s competitors; drive to shape results by competing against men and Mother Nature and keeping himself satisfied with his accomplishments; want of freedom to do as he chooses and especially make himself stand out among others as successful competitor, as a person of significance; fear of insignificance; ability to give of himself to those who help keep himself satisfied with who he is and what he does; two sex drives as described above and below this point; and belief that he’s handy. Women differ on all counts (Part B, post 2736)

A man’s secondary sex drive is to satisfy himself with frequent and convenient sex. Two separate drives and both keep a man’s focus on beauty and sex; attractiveness and sex are inseparable to the male mind.

However, after a couple’s first sex together, her beauty plays a different role in their relationship. Sex does not bond a man and with attractiveness attached, she appears to lose value from less notice. It’s not her; it’s his nature.

Unconquered attractive women have a larger magnetic effect in male eyeballs, which makes a man’s loyalty reasonably easy to shift from one to another. A woman’s likeability and virtues—feminine qualities a man admires—are needed to keep a conqueror or husband from disappearing after a one-night stand, some dating, or even years of marriage.

If he’s unsatisfied with himself being with her, she’s temporary and perhaps dumped without notice. It burdens women to use their relationship expertise to help their man find satisfaction with himself by associating exclusively with her.

Women are born with ability to make themselves more magnetic to a man, to compensate and overcome male uniqueness with inborn and uniquely feminine expertise for generating successful relationships. The female nature is very capable of discouraging a man from exploiting his conquering hopes and dreams. It requires that females make their own sex drive useful and influential first, enjoyable and pleasurable later. (Women interested in exploiting their relationship expertise may find guidance in the Virtual Virginity series listed in the CONTENTS page.)

There is another side of male nature that leads women to wrongful conclusions. Unlike women, men are hunter-conquerors. Critical to well-being, their peripheral vision catches motion to assess it as prey or threat. It’s an unconscious reaction normal to the male nature. Although sexual ability declines with age, the primal urge to conquer doesn’t. A man glances at what’s passing most of his life. (Just a glance is not a red flag. If he stares at a retreating female body in her presence, it’s a minor problem and her accusations shift it to major.)

Yes, men are attracted to other women and always will be. With her free will, each woman has the ability to accept it as natural and compensate in other ways. Specifically, find self-gratitude in keeping herself attractive anyway, make her man grateful to have her, and help keep him pleased with himself. It’s the smothering blanket for a good relationship.

Sex and her attractiveness play minor roles in making this arrangement permanent. After they marry, he’s responsible for the marriage and present-day happenings. She governs their relationship and future expectations. But that’s another story for another time and place.



Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, marriage, old school, sex differences

9 responses to “2737. Back to Basics for Back to Basics — Part C

  1. Megan

    Hi Sir Guy,

    What are you thoughts on a guy wanting to elope? Relationship is healthy, the guy is devoted, and VV has been put into place since the very beginning.

    Your Highness Megan,

    Questions first.

    • What prompts it? Financial pressures? His unwillingness to support you in a wedding designed by you and perhaps your mother? He’s too shy for big events or can’t stand letting you get all the glory on YOUR wedding day? Passion to escape VV?

    • Next county or Caribbean or Las Vegas? Does it include honeymoon? Usually not, I guess, but can you live with that?

    • Marriage before bed together or not?

    • Can he wait longer to let you ease your anxieties?

    • Can you live without your glorious day of being admired by those who know you?

    • The wedding belongs to her; the honeymoon belongs to him.

    • Time to measure: Will it truly work to brighten your future? Will he be satisfied with himself tied permanently with who you are, what you do, and living with you? Be honest with yourself.

    Many elopements work well, or at least they used to in old school. Don’t know about today. (My sister is in her 68th year. Never thought of it as elopement but the effect was the same; mine lasted 59 years.)

    Do not in anyway take the above to discourage you. To presume an unsolicited small wedge into your business, I suggest YOU and HE trust YOUR HEART.


    • Megan

      1. He has said we would save a lot of money by eloping instead of planning a wedding, even if it’s small. I am not against eloping.
      2. No location that I know of at the moment. He did mention honeymooning some place warm.
      3. Marriage before bed together or not? I don’t understand this question. Shouldn’t we wait until we’re married to sleep with each other? That is my intention with VV.
      4. My only anxieties are my family and how they would take the news. Otherwise, I would love to be married to him sooner rather than later.
      5. I can live without the day as long as we have professional pictures of the elopement.
      7. Good question. I am confident my soon to be hubby will be satisfied with himself tied permanently with me because I plan to follow your advice on how to keep hubby satisfied with himself, in addition to other books I’ve read.

      Your Highness Megan,

      You seem to have your act together, and I endorse your VV plan. It’s a final and bonding of togetherness; he pays your price to have you. Wonderful!

      You’ll be ahead of the game if you can get parental buy in to marrying him without giving away your plan. Mom probable wants to help plan a big one; dad probably has little desire to pay for it. They can handle elopement surprise better if they endorse him as prospective son in law. Sisters might be of some help.


  2. Miss Gina

    This complaint modern women have about men looking at women strikes me as really odd. Not saying that Lady Back to Basics is complaining about this exactly, but it brings up a side point.

    It’s a very disingenuous complaint by women. Women of all ages look at good-looking men all the time. Certainly men have the urge to conquer that women do not, but as Sir Guy says, that urge can itself be conquered in a number of ways. The female side of it is perhaps the urge to throw ourselves at the hunk–yet most of us don’t act on that urge or even seriously consider it.

    Your Highness Miss Gina,
    What a magnificent woman you are filling in the gaps I generate on this blog. I’m eternally grateful for having you as a sidekick.

    • back to basics

      I do lament that statement, though not belligerently, if not without exception.

      Personally I can register men as objectively good-looking if the point is brought up, but never even close to my husband, and never in a way that reaches me. I don’t look at other men except to show acknowledgement to a fellow human being, and discern their mental state. I do believe men in general are attracted to other women, but not a man who is in love. I appreciate your comment Miss Gina, your point that women do so too helps take the emotional sting off of this concept, insofar as my own exclusion indicates individual differences.

  3. back to basics

    I do thank you for three posts devoted to my comment. However I don’t appreciate the interpretation of my comment to mean that “men are no darn good”. 😦 I dislike conflict and I only want to elicit positive emotions in others, but I was encouraged by your taking my previous comment as challenge. I trust you to inform me if I am out of line, until then I will exercise full disclosure.

    I don’t understand this post if it’s meant to relieve female angst. I do find the notion that men as hunters are keenly aware of movement very helpful. But for example “Unconquered attractive women have a larger magnetic effect in male eyeballs” is more painful to hear than a punch in the stomach, if it relates to her in comparison to other women, as opposed to in comparison to her unconquered self. I found this and other statements discouraging. The repetition of these statements was the reason I had to quit reading this blog because they caused me immense unhappiness and hopelessness. No I did not blame, I grieved. My husband convinced me not only with words that my grief was built upon false imagination. He also tells me uncomfortable truths. He doesn’t look at other women differently than he looks at other men, but seeing it repeated here all the time makes me distrust this conviction, and my wavering moments of resulting angst is the only point of friction in our relationship.

    In part B you noted my words were contrary to female heart and nature. However in your posts about female sexuality, where a lot is on point, you neglect one very important detail. Female sexuality is the most responsive to her man’s lust for her. That is no. 1 generator of female sexual feelings, which also translates to feelings of connection, belonging and loyalty for the relationship. You may say that keeping a man is still paramount to feminine nature, but I believe there is a distinction between women who value harmony, safety and companionship the most and women who value (non-sexual) passion, polarity and romance. But you run the show. And do not think I am not grateful to you. Thank you for this discussion.

    Your Highness Back to Basics,

    Thanks for the feedback. Tell husband one man thinks he married over his head. (For max benefit though, don’t tell him my age.)

    Seriously, your response is wonderful to achieve greater understanding between two people on different wavelengths. My apology for causing “immense unhappiness and hopelessness” and grief. No intent, of course. My focus has been on how you describe the way modern women think; my response has been to dissuade such thoughts.

    Correct me if wrong, but you talk about conditions today, and I focus on how the sexes are born different. As a man I’m bound to step on toes; as a lady you’re bound to define harshness more sensitively than I. I regret expressions of mine that disturb your feminine sensibility.

    Three more points.

    • I understand you dislike conflict and regret stimulating it. But both shores of the ocean between modern men and women can’t be exposed without outlining those shores. I try to do it gently and sometimes even delicately. As most men learn as boys, perfect accomplishment isn’t possible but we keep trying. (I’m 9.6 years into writing this blog 8 days out of ten at age 86.)

    • I find it very difficult to avoid disagreement when explaining the difference between how men and women are born to be different in life—the basic theme of this blog—and how both sexes live and distort God’s or Nature’s blessings into relationship incompatibility. Both sexes are born to get their way and also to be compatible as couples. Most people, however, haven’t mastered the art sufficiently well for relationship compatibility to last for life.

    • I so often repeat that men look at attractive women because women lack enough knowledge of the male nature to grasp firmly what they have to deal with. Men are educable about devotion to a woman and defeatable on chasing others, as you report your husband to be. God or Nature compensated women with the ability to capture and keep their man at home and devoted to her. I write under the assumption that most women don’t know the what, when, why where, and how of it. If they don’t know both the male and female natures, they fumble, stumble, and relationships crumble.

    I have one or two other posts in response to your original comment. I hope to be more sensitive to your interests, but forgive me if I fail to satisfy you completely. I’m now trying to reach other gals more than you.


    • back to basics

      Thanks for making me laugh 🙂 but I’m sure your age won’t detract one bit.

      No, forgive me, you did not stimulate conflict: I was just afraid that I did so in keeping the discussion going. I am fine with disagreement as long as it’s clear that the other party suffered no injury 🙂 My sensibilities do not extend so far that I am not open to being dissuaded from the thoughts I have that you call modern, although among modern women, I’m considered an outlier too.

      Whether I talk about conditions today or not, I think I must be. But I don’t know whether my reports are from nature or experiences learned. I just felt that the other things you wrote about female nature lined up so well with the sum of my personality that I forgot that you were focusing on nature not nurture.

      My grief was from this notion that I consider non-monogamous and because I put so much faith on your blog it penetrated my mind in a deeper way. After I published my comment I saw I forgot to add “I had to stop reading for a while despite all the wonderful effects the blog had added to my life”. But I hope you understood that. My heart is stronger now due to my husband’s reassurance. He chased others as you say, but for sex, not to soak in their attractiveness.

      Thank you, for your patience with me.

      Your Highness Back to Basics,
      You’re worthy of much more than patience. It floods your personality and writing. I’m grateful for having encountered you.

  4. Briar Rose

    Hello Sir Guy,

    Thank you for yet another interesting and thought-provoking series for us to absorb.

    I wanted to put in my $0.02 on a point that is being discussed in the comments of this article. Perhaps I hold an alternate point-of-view.

    In response to a comment, you stated “I so often repeat that men look at attractive women because women lack enough knowledge of the male nature to grasp firmly what they have to deal with.”

    I, for one, appreciate your repitition of this sentiment. I absolutely agree with it and I use it to fuel my ambition of always looking my personal best.

    Why? Well, it certainly stings when I see hubby’s eyes rest upon another woman. And… it equally stings when hubby sees another man rest his eyes upon me.

    Please don’t take it the wrong way, there’s no tit-for-tat going on. I simply have found that by understanding male nature (hubby’s as well as others), it helps balance things out and let the chips fall back into place.

    Your Highness Briar Rose,
    Your insight and perceptiveness are admirable, maturity well developed.

  5. prettybeans

    Sir Guy, I’m back over the pond in England. I did feel much closer to you while I was visiting America and as usual I am keenly following your writing.

    Now, just a quick comment to maybe illustrate something that you’ve been saying for a while now which is that looks and ones personal presentation really really do matter. I’ve noticed with myself that even as a young female, I instantly identify (and treat as a lady) an older female who has made effort with her appearance and I can see that she’s working to present a beautiful, dignified and modest picture. This is regardless of weight, race, height etc. I don’t intend to do it but I do notice it and I instantly wonder whether she might be thinking the same thing of me.

    My point is that if I as a lady who isn’t really drawn to the physical would notice such a thing and respond to it, how much more the gents around us when they’re simply wired by God and by nature to notice such things? I think that instead of castigating men as being superficial and shallow as is the popular feminist narrative, we should consider it a marvellous Fist that we as ladies have what I think is a huge advantage – to can instantly attract more of the kind of attention you want long long before the man gathers the courage to speak to you – You can brighten your own day (and his day!) simply by being well put together

    Your Highness Prettybeans,

    I regret I couldn’t get there to see you. You’re such a jewel to have missed.

    Very astute thoughts. First para, last sentence, I bet she does. Second para, of course you do and men take note more than you think even if they don’t act .


  6. prettybeans

    This blog and you personally have been God’s gift to me. You Sir have challenged my thinking and have brightened my experience..

    Your Highness Prettybeans,
    And our visit in Ohio continues to stand out among others that fade all too soon.

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