Your Highness Back to Basics,
I’m grateful you stimulated so many hours of work that generated new material. Also, your other comments reflect womanly superbness. Generating deep mutual respect is one of the finer ways that women share their love. The world needs more like you (remind hubby, etc.). Thanks for making this series memorable for me, although perhaps less so for women; especially what follows below.
Nevertheless, I’m anti-boredom bound to finalize my response to your original comment at 2728.
Your intriguing statements include this bolded sentence. “And believing your man thought other females marvelous attractions… while he enjoyed you mostly for your personality….”
Part C at 2737 addressed “marvelous attractions.” The personality issue follows and the context rings this bell. A woman expects to be appreciated for her attractiveness at home and not just for her personality. It’s a natural female sensitivity and expectation, but the dilemma is caused by a natural characteristic embedded in her man’s primary sex drive to conquer attractive women.
Remember: 1) The following is based on how people are born rather than how they live based on both nature and lessons learned in life. 2) Recovery is everything. The more the one attempting recovery moves toward how they are born, the better things work out.
The attractive-personality dilemma emerges out of conquest, which releases the urgency that men possess before first sex together. Her attractiveness becomes less noticeable and his urge immediately shifts on penetration to his secondary drive for frequent and convenient sex. It’s how men are naturally motivated to deal with first sex together.
Her sex appeal diminishes in any conqueror’s eyes. Not her fault, when men are born that way. After yielding first time, sex and attractiveness no longer preoccupy his mind with the same intensity and dedication as before. He undergoes several other changes too, but that’s another story.
Feminine attractiveness attracts a man mostly for sex, but sex does not bond men as it does women. So, the conquered woman will be disappointed who expects sex or her attractiveness to keep a man at her side. After conquest or marriage, beauty is more a bonus than a keeper.
For example, a reader, Some Other Guy, exemplifies the male nature this way. “I married a woman that was #120. I will always subconsciously be comparing her to the #120. This is my anchor point. I would be lying if I said gaining a lot of weight was unimportant. At some point it becomes a deal breaker.”
You ladies may not care to do it. But look back and review your experience with those men to whom you yielded first time sex together. Did he pay as much close and complimentary attention to your beauty and body after conquest as before? Did you notice other changes in him, unless you were a keeper and he was devoted to you?
Attractive but unconquered women are unique. Men sense unconquered as attractive lure, the finest bait. Females can’t change the primal urge, but they can discourage conquest. As in old school, ladies can make conquest culturally improper, mothers can civilize boys against it, teen girls can tame conquering techniques, and each woman can inspire her man to refrain from fulfilling his urges.
Men follow when women lead with relationship expertise that overwhelms the male urge to dominate excessively, pursue someone else, or both. A woman keeps her future brighter, when she lets him rule the roost, while she rules the rooster. (Recall the neck-to-head analogy in My Big Fat Greek Wedding?) It’s the province of women to quiet the male urge for someone else, but the road paved with blame and accusation goes to Incompatibility.
The road to Compatibility, however, is paved with this. He’s satisfied with who she is, what she does, and living with her. All of which confirm his satisfaction that he married well, which confirms the rightness of satisfying himself by marrying her. Life with her is better than it would be living by himself or someone else, or so he’s satisfied.
That is inborn male-think, for which women are quick to blame, because they lack understanding that men inherit that attitude as birthright. A man’s primary mission in life is to keep himself satisfied with himself; even the best of mates comes in second to it.
When a man keeps a woman for his own, he highly values her virtues, although he expects her to maintain what beauty she had as a bride. Aging is expected and acceptable. It’s difficult to keep himself satisfied, if his bride appears as someone he probably would not have married.
A woman who think she loses her attractiveness some way or other should be glad her man pays attention to personality. It and her loyalty may be all she has left of her likeability, two of the most vital ingredients in a man’s love.