2739. Disclosure Drowns Her Mystique — I

In another media, a lady inquired on a subject that could stand refreshment.

“Btw, Sir Guy, there is some dating advice out there that says that in order to connect deeply with a man’s heart we need to show our vulnerable side…our feelings. Men live in their heads so to connect with their hearts they need a woman who is connected to hers. We are supposed to speak in ‘feeling messages’ like ‘that film made me feel really nostalgic” – etc. What is your take on this?” (Error in the bolded phrase is described in Section II.)

Section I

My take? Good women beware! It’s garbage for the long range future of a woman. First, it’s not likely to get much out of men. Second, men don’t appreciate unearned gifts, so she’s not helping herself.

Sharing one’s emotions is just a shortened version of full disclosure. More importantly, it’s a feminist technique to shorten the road to bed with a man who’s not pursuing or approaching conquest fast enough. She’s anxious to have sex with him; why is he so slow?

If a woman has any of the following hopes or wishes unloading and expecting him to match her level of emotional disclosure, it defeats her expectation.

  • She’s hard-to-get and intends to use it to screen men better for good enough qualifications.
  • She’s interested primarily in a long term relationship, hopefully married with enough kids to satisfy her later with grandchildren.
  • She has a hard time believing what men have to say about themselves, and so she wants to associate with one for a longer time before she commits much of herself.
  • She feels comfortable when other don’t know what and who she is or is all about. IOW, she has agendas that she wants to keep personal until she’s married or nearly so.
  • She expects to get her way later in life negotiating two-sided decisions in a compatible relationship.
  • She expects not to be dominated by a strong-willed man who refuses to respect her inputs for marital decisions.
  • She expects to compete with a man before marriage in order to make sure that she knows who he is and what to expect before she accepts his proposal.
  • She expects to reserve her cooperative spirit until they are married. She expects to get her way before that.

Men neither think nor act as women do in emotional matters. More importantly, when a man knows a woman’s emotional makeup, he can imagine her reactions to his initiatives. That is, he can get inside her heart and mind to please himself, know what red flags to avoid for the present, how more easily to cover his mistakes, hide his ultimate intentions, give her the words she likes to hear, and otherwise fulfill his various agendas that work to her disadvantage.


NOTE: Full disclosure was covered at post 383 as contrary to hard-to-get.

Section II tomorrow at 2740.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, Fickle female, How she loses, marriage

2 responses to “2739. Disclosure Drowns Her Mystique — I

  1. Cocoa

    True. I read this before can’t remember where. But it says something to that effect – that a woman needs to show vulnerability! Huh? Why?

    The first thing that came to mind was: why on earth would a self-loving/respecting and a modest woman show or share any vulnerability?! Didn’t sit well with me. No.

    I understand and am ok, if a man or men In general figure out for themselves that I am vulnerable, that I am weaker, that I might need help or a hand here or there. However, I won’t go around advertising this. No.

    Yeah, wasn’t convinced. But when I read about or learn about hard-to-get, for so some reason my eyes and heart are wide open to read and learn. I love it when I see women who are so private meanwhile mysteriously gentle. Women who talks about life in general, about plants and animal maybe a bit of current affair , but when some man comes to fetch and try to dig out some info about her life or feelings, she’s is just so charmingly swift in changing the subject. Let alone that SHE goes talking about her feelings!

    These men will be very very careful how to approach her next time and will think how better to get closer to her as she’s so…well – Hard-to-everything, to get, to understand, to date…

    As we have learnt, men ARE HUNTERS, so why hand the hunter the arrow and stand right there?!

    Oh! Sorry about my rant, but this full disclosure or showing our vulnerable side, got me a bit.

    Your Highness Cocoa,
    Your rant is welcome. I particularly like this one: “men ARE HUNTERS, so why hand the hunter the arrow and stand right there?”

  2. This is such an encouraging post. I think men can be as emotionally expressive as women, and in fact they are quite often. But I am at a point in life where I think, for both men and women, talking about feelings accomplishes nothing, especially when searching for answers to relationship problems. The answer to relationship issues for men and women both is to stop talking and start doing, commit to doing what is right and good, no matter how they feel about it.

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