2740. Disclosure Drowns Her Mystique — II


Via another media to me, a lady asked for my input about this quote.

“Btw, Sir Guy, there is some dating advice out there that says that in order to connect deeply with a man’s heart we need to show our vulnerable side…our feelings. Men live in their heads so to connect with their hearts they need a woman who is connected to hers. We are supposed to speak in ‘feeling messages’ like ‘that film made me feel really nostalgic” – etc. What is your take on this?”

Section I — My response that it is garbage is posted at 2739.

Section II

The lady who sent “connect deeply with a man’s heart” got the idea at a dating website. It’s aimed politically, fashioned out of feminist propaganda as dating advice, and used to loosen moral values and lower standards. Women should never think they can connect that way. It misleads and is more imagination than reality regardless of the feelings they disclose to a man.

The way to a man’s heart is through his mind. Once he believes something deeply in his mind, his heart absorbs it. New beliefs inspire new actions, but much time can pass before his beliefs match his various ambitions.

Example: Just loving a woman does not inspire him to religiously, frequently, and routinely show it. Men are different. Unlike women, a man’s love is not the ultimate motivator in his life. So, it’s natural that women never hear enough of their man’s love.

The way into a man’s mind is this. He converts a woman’s indirect actions and patient attitude into something he wants to believe. He figures her out more than he believes direct expressions of her opinions and expectations.

Indirectly, she hints and plants seeds that reveal she’s thinking of the future. It makes her easier to believe than imposing her ideas, opinions, and expectations in the present. By yielding the present to him and making time work for her, he sees or imagines actions that add credibility to his beliefs about her.

As his beliefs grow and solidify, they slip gently into his heart. His belief in her likeability, loyalty, and his devotion to her, and it all slips into his heart. His love of her emerges to his mind, although he is probably reluctant to express it.

If he is being sincere, a young man is reluctant to talk about what’s in his heart. It forces women to judge him more by what he does than what he says. As he lives awhile with a woman or as he ages, it becomes much easier to reveal his heart. It’s another reason women are endowed with so much patience, hope, and self-gratitude. Their major rewards for having lived a good life come late in life.

In the final analysis, women not only can’t connect directly with a man’s heart, they have immense problems just trying to uncover what resides there.

An exception exists but few women uncover it. It reveals itself over the years as a good wife becomes a great woman. So great, in fact, husband’s devotion magnifies productively in favor of both her and their life together.

He’s satisfied with who he is and what he does to promote her mental well-being and their marriage. He’s also mystified by how she has become a femininely smooth but internally tough woman who is extremely satisfying to him and gratified with herself. Her super willingness to share her love spikes the punch bowl of harmony. She injects widespread respect and gratitude throughout her nest, the relationships she governs, and their marriage for which he holds himself responsible; she makes him appear very successful.

It takes that kind of wife for husband to transmute lovable thoughts into deep heartfelt emotions. With little apparent effort over the passing years, she seals his life in a complimentary cocoon spun with love, aka respect and gratitude. Only a very good woman can earn the pleasure of seeing her man so pleased with her that he acknowledges proudly that he is the product of her doing. (Or perhaps undoing if he was in need of some kind of makeover and drinking comes to mind.)

Now that, ladies, is what it takes to energize the deepest part of a man’s heart. She should be too modest to ever claim it, but he is eager to give her all the credit for who he has become. Wife has significantly helped upgrade his self-respect to the extent that he brags in public about the credit due her.

No man is luckier, no woman is pluckier. All she did was maximize what God gave her: determination to be compatible, courage to live by her heart, fortitude to get her way, pluck to preserve her mystery and modesty, expertise to manage relationships to work for her benefit, and flexible ability to keep him satisfied with who and what he is and has become.

It became her one-woman show, and she got both her way and reward late in life. She accepts her grandchildren in lieu of curtain call.

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Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, old school, sex differences, The mind

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