I couldn’t resist an independence theme today. We celebrate a fantastic accomplishment, the likes of which have never been repeated. It’s a great reason to celebrate.
Pardon my hubris but we should also celebrate this: God—or Mother Nature if you insist—designed humans with relationship foundations and abilities for couples to live together. That is, mate up for life. He put one sex more in charge for reasons not so clearly understood.
Born with genetic and hormonal endowments unique to both sex and individual, each person is born independently according to the individuals they will become. Each born able to choose one’s path of life. Each born with the primal urge to develop into what they want to become; what they need to fulfill their ambitions for life among others. Each born independent for using free will and self-centeredness to motivate endless pursuit of self-interest. Each born independent enough to satisfy a God-given urge to get their own way. Infants cry to be fed or cleaned. Toddlers face off against adults until they learn to be more circumspect. Adults compete inside and across gender lines.
All of those features and motivational forces merge together in individuals and turn human interaction into a competitive marketplace. It’s where the sexes become individually responsible to make themselves compatible and burdened to find and keep a mate. It’s the marketplace where independence is sacrificed to join up as a mutually dependent couple.
Much of that above energizes more competition than cooperation, more battle scars than collaboration, less compatibility and magnetic togetherness than required to mate successfully. Yet one sex is responsible for success as couple.
Male is the dominant gender and men rely on dominance or its reflection to get their way. When pushed, frustrated, or in fear of losing, physical and mental abuse are readily available. A man usually lives within that model but inevitably the other gender resents dealing with it. Sex differences from birth enable a woman to checkmate her man’s tendency to be aggressive. Therein resides the woman’s dilemma, when to appreciate his dominant spirit and how to discourage its use against her interests?
Women work diligently to convince men that cooperation and collaboration are superior to competition; at least dealing with females and in coupledom. They also know the how of it. A woman—mother, granny, teen, fiancée, wife— weans boy and man from aggressive options.
However, women seldom understand this little collaborative theme. To buy into what a woman expects out of him, either boy or man has to end up satisfied with himself; both before he grows up and after they mate up and settle into life together. It’s his main mission in life: Satisfy himself with who he is as individual and what he does through his independence.
The faithful opposition flying in the face of the dominant gender is superior by virtue of each woman’s relationship expertise. Females inherit the ability to generate and govern a couple’s life together and do it to the satisfaction of the man’s sense of who he is and what he does.
She doesn’t have to please him all the time, or be perfect in her attentiveness; she only has to keep him satisfied with himself. The latter impresses him with her expertise; the former too easily lets her slip into frustration or desperation when extra striving to please doesn’t work as she expects.
At birth men inherit only the ability; they have to be taught what women are after and, even more radically, sold on the idea that two live better than one. It’s a female-to-male sales job in the social marketplace. Yet and to the contrary, women have to avoid the seller’s role if they hope to keep a man. If individual men can’t sell well enough for a woman to buy into one of them for her future, that man’s just not good enough for her.
OTOH, at birth females inherit the incentive and inspiration to convert their attractiveness into courtship presentation and negotiation that inspire a man with desire for compatible togetherness. It’s only the bait, however. The hook remains with her ability to let a man discover how important she can be in his life that will shortly reveal his independence to be fading.
The primal want of men is for freedom to make and follow their own decisions, basic independence. The kind of freedom awarded by unalienable rights from “Nature’s God” as thought through by the signers of the Declaration of Independence.