2750. Essentials of Successful Marriage — 03 Her Battle of the Sexes


At post 2749 I described the War of the Sexes as each woman individually and independently up against all men, competing to see who gets their way. They are blessed by nature to succeed in that arrangement. Men go where the women are, so it’s up to each woman to play her cards independently to her own advantage.

Perhaps contrary to popular thought, the Battle of the Sexes is not about male gender versus female gender, dominance vs. submissive, equality vs. fairness, husband vs. wife, responsibility vs. irresponsibility. It’s easy to believe those competitive connections to be normal. However, God didn’t design us, Nature and genetics don’t endow us, and hormones don’t energize us that way.*

The Battle of the Sexes is one on one, begins with first encounter, and she commands the battleground. One woman willing to yield her independence under the right conditions versus one man willing to suppress his dominant nature long enough to conquer her. She inherits the burden to convince him that she’s much more endearing to him personally and more valuable for his life than are his hopes of conquest.

Both are born to get their way with the other, eternal competition that only a relationship expert can manage well. He’s a conqueror seeking conquest without obligation. She’s a conqueror seeking marriage before conquest. It’s the only way she can be sure of what he is truly after, either sex or her.

With a lasso made of her beauty, mystery, modesty, monogamous spirit, and his desire to conquer, he places it around his neck. One woman cuts out that man from the herd; leads him into her corral; breaks him of bucking; and does it with vim, vigor, and vitality. Before he can get her into bed the first time, she coaches and persuades him to learn how it pleases him to be both tamed and harnessed with her as good woman. By committing to how she trains him, he finally achieves conquest and enjoys the frequent and convenient sex won by pulling her buggy through life together.

The Battle of the Sexes expands with them as a couple. They court until both are convinced they are made for each other. He makes his move with a proposal of marriage, if and when he’s convinced living with her will satisfy him more than the way he presently lives.

With all his warts and sins, she is more the challenge than he. Example: As soon as she blames him for being like all men, she hardens his resistence to her influence, which means she weakens her ability to win the battle of capturing him. It’s a contradiction she has to work out successfully in the corral of their life together, and she has more than enough ability. The time and way to start is the tough part. (Discussed more deeply in future articles.)

The Battle of the Sexes is continuous in time, daily in events, and one woman pitted against whatever man she currently faces in whatever role he fills—first encounter, friend, foe, husband, boyfriend, business associate, FWB, or whatever. It’s each woman’s personal battle, and she has no one but herself to win it. IOW, yes, it’s all up to her how well she does in both the war and her battles to get her way in life with one man.

She has to rely on herself alone. As soon as she seeks help through the aegis and protection of other women banding together or blaming all men for her man’s faults, the man she faces assumes the aura of dominance in her eyes, which weakens her position. She then takes the easy road, allows for the expected dominant pressures, and yields sex or other matters without a battle of wits. In the process, he more easily refuses to cooperate or help her win their one-on-one battle.

By disregarding dominance as having a role in her relationships, each individual female more easily cuts out one horse to put in her corral. The battle then is that one female tames one male to be civilized up to female expectations to facilitate the raising of children. Each individual woman does that to her man, and she leaves other men and women out of her life to do the same for themselves.

Tomorrow: His Battle of the Sexes

——

* It appears that way because modern culture says we can’t live with the sexes being different. The political class for reasons hidden from the public for over half a century ridicule men and criticize male traits and behaviors. They blame men for female problems, which makes enemies of men, which makes women desperate to have a man, which encourages them to act more like men in order to have one of their own. IOW, if women can’t make men stand up to feminist exaggerations, copy their ambitions and lie down with them.

The professed political object centralizes power to weaken patriarchy, but the result is political makeover of America. Once, our Judeo-Christian culture was primarily female friendly. Nowadays, it’s male friendlier and getting more so.

 

 

14 Comments

Filed under boobs, courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

14 responses to “2750. Essentials of Successful Marriage — 03 Her Battle of the Sexes

  1. It seems to me that, from a man’s perspective, a woman is perhaps very desirable if she shows that she has whatever it takes to keep up with him as he barrels along the road called life.

    If in her own way she seems unruffled by whatever he’s going through, whatever challenges he throws her way . . . if she can in her own way be as tough, inventive, patient, independent, and unstoppable as he is, then she is worth pursuing, catching, and keeping,

    So any woman who whines, nags, and shows herself unreasonably dependent will not be desirable. Nor will she be desirable if she spends all her time holed up complaining with her girlfriends. After all, if she is worth her salt, she will be out there handling whatever a man throws at her, cool and in control.

    Never mind that guys can spend tons of time hanging with their buds and venting; they’ve earned it by going out and slogging through life every day. Men, it seems to me, don’t view women as earning any right to complain. “I’ve chosen, you, honey. That should be more than enough to make you deliriously happy.”

    However, the reality is that women DO need to have strong bonds with other women in order to have the kind of support and encouragement that will keep them from nagging and whining.

    Women do compete for male attention in various situations, but women are also each others’ most valuable resource for learning how to cope with men. Assuming of course that other women are sharing the traditional wisdom of relationship management!!!

    • prettybeans

      It is a very tough thing to be a woman. Always trying to determine what’s legitimate and what isn’t even among our girlfriends. Should it really be that my primary function sometimes appears to be looking for the perfect time to speak my mind to the gent currently taking centre stage in my life..but why?

      Sometimes I get the distinct impression that to actually keep a man you’ve got not to be too bothered about not keeping a man which I find both absurd and frustrating because why should we be in a relationship if the whole point of it is to show each other how little we want each other?

      Playing hard to get is I think quite useful in small doses but it’s also rather exhausting. Any thoughts from you, @lady magnolia, @lady gonemaverick and any other of you highly desirable women would be very helpful.

      Thank you!

      • Miss Gina

        Lady Prettybeans,

        Much easier if you just find ways to keep busy that please you or improve your life and fit him in when you can.

        Show, don’t tell, in other words.

        • Miss Gina

          This could be work, classes, hobbies, volunteering or service to others, dates with friends, family responsibilities and fun, chores, etc…probably a combination…The idea being keeping the mind occupied as well as the body.

          No worries…he will get the idea that he is not number one without a word being spoken.

          • prettybeans

            Thank you Miss Gina.
            Recovery truly is everything
            As soon as I posted that passionate request for guidance (and I’m still quite happy to read anything helpful) I had an interesting thought which was really a reminder.

            I’m only in control of me and what I can do to steer myself better along this sometimes confusing journey.

            So I came up with a plan where for the next ‘x’ period I will actively practice self-gratefulness, a little more restraint and a little more focusing on tailoring my life in a broader sense than just this one aspect. And if and when I do hear from said gent, practice and express sincere gratitude for that!

            And because I travel a great deal I can take active steps to actually enjoy this present place in time!! I’m currently in Australia!

            Your Highness Prettybeans,
            You’re on the right track, especially currently separated. (Monday and I just made it home.)
            Guy

      • 1jarofclay

        Hello prettybeans!

        I’m sorry that I got here a little late. Last time I’d checked the blog I’d not seen any comments about this post.

        It seems that you have come to some pretty good conclusions all on your own, (good for you!) which is the goal of Sir Guy, I’m sure. After all, he could inform us any day that he’s decided to retire from writing and will be spending the rest of his days playing golf. I think that he would like for us ladies to show, as you just have, that we can “take it from here” and continue to implement the spirit of this blog into our daily lives. 🙂

        As a woman, I get what you’re saying and completely understand that acting the way that Sir Guy suggests on his posts can be frustrating. But men are, I don’t have to tell you, very different from us.

        Obviously I don’t know your boyfriend, but I know that men respond to a challenge and that many guys once in a relationship, don’t go in a straightforward way from point A to B, to C, etc. (Boy meets girl, boy dates girl, boy asks girl to marry him after 1 or 2 years of dating, boy marries girl). They aren’t wired like that. Instead, they often do the one step forward, two steps backwards thing, which is incredibly frustrating to women. Or don’t pursue as ardently as women want. Or don’t call as often as we’d like. But, women also do some things by instinct during the mating and mate selection process that are very frustrating to men.

        You say: “Sometimes I get the distinct impression that to actually keep a man you’ve got not to be too bothered about not keeping a man…” That is absolutely true. You’ve got plenty of options as a female! Hard to get in women should be natural, second nature. It counter-balances the male natural resistance to commit. He should never be sure that “he’s got you” before you two become engaged. You should not be available at all times. Instead of you wondering why he doesn’t call more often, it should be him wondering why you don’t pick up the phone more often (and you should be genuinely busy, living life and enjoying it, not pretending). You should be observing and taking notes, not quite sure yet –and for at least a year– if he’s the right candidate for you. You shouldn’t be very eager, it should be him. It’s *defensive* in the mating game, but again, it should become natural in women and with practice. A byproduct is that it usually makes men pursue more and want to prove themselves more. Building feminine charm and being pleasant is *offensive*. You should have both.

        I know it’s hard, but that’s what men respond to. Women have a great need for certainty. Men have a great need for uncertainty and conquering, so hard to get really speaks to them!

        Merging your needs and his is a woman’s job and again, it’s hard, but we were born to do it. We are more than capable.

        Think about this: as difficult as it is, what is more important to you, to keep your relationship, or to talk to your boyfriend as often as you’d like? There’s so much give and take in relationships and he seems to be oblivious to the fact that you really need to talk to him more often than you are. If you push the subject further, would you be willing to risk him running for the hills as men often do over something we women thought was minor? (your complains may seem justified to you, but he might feel blamed, and we know that men don’t handle that well at all.) Believe me, not speaking my mind is something that I work on all the time! In marriage it becomes much more difficult. I’m constantly making adjustments and bettering myself as a wife. And it’s so true that saying exactly what I feel just makes things worse.

        There is one more thing that I want to mention. In one comment you asked: “…why should we be in a relationship if the whole point of it is to show each other how little we want each other?” That is NOT the point of establishing a relationship with a man. The point is to determine whether he’s a suitable candidate for you to fulfill your childhood hopes and dreams. Is he a Mr. Good Enough? So be careful not to get cynical and jaded.There is a difference between playing hard to get, knowing your worth, loving him but knowing that you have options, loving him but moving on if things don’t work out with positivity, a sense of purpose, confidence, happiness, and hope and being cynical and jaded, or worse, hating the opposite sex, as we so often see in people in today’s dating market (I know you don’t hate men). Don’t ever allow yourself to go in that direction. It’s dangerous.

        So, those are my thoughts! I know my answer is lengthy, but with a sincere wish that everything happens as you hope in your life. You are already doing great as I saw in your comments about recovering. Enjoy Australia! Dang! I wish I could travel as you do. Let us know how it goes! ❤ 🙂

        Love,
        Magnolia

        PS. Let him invest in you as you observe. The one who is the most eager and the one who wants more is the most invested, and it should be the man since they do the convincing. 😉

        • prettybeans

          I’m obviously dealing with a powerhouse in you!
          I’m going to study your thoughts clause by clause until it sinks in. You’re right in that men don’t respond to blame..as long as I sound like I’m always whinging and whining then I won’t have him stick around long enough to have his character examined to my satisfaction..

          I do need to learn so much. Especially about being authentic and comfortable in my own identity and strong enough to stand up for myself (without fighting) AND also learning that just because I’ve got something constructive to say doesn’t mean that I can offload the same comments like a loaded gun..

          Thank you Lady Magnolia

      • 1jarofclay

        Also, as always, Miss Gina is so right!

    • prettybeans

      And while I’m at it, I do sound a little agitated and yes I am. The level of communication that I’m wanting is far less than I’m receiving and I reckon I’ve been pleasant and patient in explaining my views..I wonder if it might be something that I ought to overlook?

      • Men and women communicate for different reasons, it seems to me. So women will never automatically get from men what they think of as “good” communication. Every time I have had what I consider a good conversation with a man, I have thought it is because he had a mother, sisters, or wife who trained him well.

        I think it is possible to have meaningful conversations with men without a lot of b.s. and manipulation, but it seems to take developing a different set of expectations than I bring to conversations with women friends. AND it seems to take a different way of expressing thanks for their effort.

        And even then, communication can be unnerving.

        A number of weeks ago, I had a phone conversation with a man where I hung up because he started really bad-mouthing someone I felt didn’t deserve it. I said simply, “I have to hang up now,” and ended the conversation.

        He e-mailed me and apologized and said he had issues with emotional pain that he needed to deal with. That’s something I’ve known for a long time, but I never expected him to ever admit it. But now that he has, I feel really weird.

        I don’t know. Maybe if feminism hadn’t thrown such a monkey wrench into the whole process of male-female relationships, it wouldn’t seem so hard and confusing.

      • Miss Gina

        Dear Lady Prettybeans,

        Lady Edith’s and Lady Magnolia’s remarks are perceptive. I’d suggest taking off from Lady Edith’s point about the differences in male and female communication. Could it be that he is communicating much more by his actions and in other subtle ways than is obvious at first? Indirect statements and actions are the ways most men are going to say the most important things.

        It’s also important to remember that a man–even a husband–will never be or replace our best girlfriend(s). We have needs for talking and certain kinds of companionship that men cannot meet.

        Not sure what kind of communication needs you are speaking of. I certainly wish my husband would tell me sooner and more clearly about work travel plans, rather than simply announcing his need for two loads’ worth of clean laundry the night before a trip! Having friends isn’t going to fix that one…But we have to discern big problems from less important ones. He travels a lot; however, he is a good man whom I trust on the road, and that is most important. I also have to remind myself that male-female differences work both ways, and there are things I do that exasperate him, as well (probably many).

        Finally, everything with men is earned, including communication. Being a great listener and asking interested questions when he talks shows respect, which will be reciprocated. Refraining from shock or criticism when he blesses you with his innermost secrets is extremely important, as well. There are ways to let disapproval be known indirectly later on, if necessary.

        Best wishes in your dating and discernment. 🙂

  2. prettybeans

    Thank you very much ladies and you Sir Guy for availing this platform and allowing us to speak so freely..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s