2753. Essentials of Successful Marriage — 05 Are You Compatible?

For the sake of clarity, I define complex matters in the simplest form. In the case of pursuing marital success—aka they never separate—the need for compatibility seems paramount. It brings to mind the lament of an old school wife: Glory be and golly gee! If its to be, it’s up to me.

Once joined in matrimony, compatibility means to go beyond love to sustain a couple’s mutual likeability, friendliness, and congeniality. Mutual love gets them started well, but it doesn’t last. Managing compatibility is easiest done by eliminating relationship toxins: by preventing the accumulation of irritants, accusations, criticism, blame, denying one’s responsibility, and other negative influences.

A couple’s compatibility requires management. Love isn’t enough for two reasons. Men love less reliably than women and even her romantic love fades in a year or two. After that, a more enduring love is essential to prevent separation. It puts the responsibility on the wife. A husband only knows how to ride along innocently; he automatically figures he is compatible or he would be somewhere else.*

Moreover, she has all the management ability. So, what does compatibility look like?

  • Sensory compatibility: It’s rooted in her immense ability to love deeply, she knows intuitively they are compatible. How can it be otherwise than right now? They are so in love. Consequently, the temporary nature of it goes unrecognized until it fades with romantic love in a year or two.
  • Mature compatibility: It’s rooted in a woman’s determination to ensure that she keeps her relationship together, and the wise wife begins immediately after the honeymoon. She can’t anticipate the frustrations and problems that lay ahead, but she can begin to strengthen their ability to live more closely and longer together.

Both sexes are born to be compatible with a mate, but its left up to couples. Wife, being the relationship manager, inherits the burden to see that husband doesn’t operate at the fringe of their compatibility. She holds him closer with tactics that satisfy him more than they satisfy her. Yes, her spirit of compatibility needs to be contagious. His sense of compatibility is weak until she patiently over time inspires them both to be more mutually likeable, friendly, and congenial. Make them closer together without demanding it of husband.

It’s not her love or their love that holds them together. Marital success requires more. Particularly that which arises out of the absence of irritants, turn offs, criticism, blame, anger at one another, deep arguments, fights, and other negative influences and accusations.

Sex likenesses do not breed success in a couple. Likenesses stir competition at which wives inevitably lose. Sex differences seal them together much better, because husbands can respect women who are different, unique, mysterious, and femininely attractive.

If she’s not fully understandable, he can mumble under his breath that she’s just a woman and move on without comment. It’s a husband’s favorite hobby; it relieves pressure to say the wrong thing, and he feels good about helping to keep peace with her.

More importantly in modern times, success requires the absence of wives acting like men. Many wives envy and expect to enjoy the perquisites and privileges that husbands think are their due. Wives can’t act like a husband and expect to keep the husband they have. It nurtures competition at which she inevitably loses to him. The virtuous woman that men seek to marry are highlighted by being uniquely different from men; wives do best when they remain that way.

In short, compatibility is marvelous when husband continues to pursue wife’s presence and close association within marriage. Likeable, friendly, and congenial, all of it underwritten by her love that signals her allegiance and loyalty to him. Her satisfactions come from his actions that signify her importance in both his life and her governance of their marital arrangement.

Women need or want a mate, men don’t need one but may want one. Energized by female love, women jump right in and work at it, but men drift along with whatever a woman offers in the way of mating that satisfies their man. Her compatibility management holds them together.

If she does it right, he accepts their life together as friendly and congenial habit, and he’s more easily satisfied to live with her for life.


*Heads up, ladies. In premarital screening, be sure to uncover each man’s habit of tossing relationship toxins into your relationship. Red flags should fly if a man is easily inclined to fault or criticize you, deny his responsibility for some things, or otherwise inflict your premarital relationship with negative inputs. It takes very little of that to poison marital compatibility after he’s unrestrained by winning you in marriage.


Filed under boobs, courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage, old school, sex differences

11 responses to “2753. Essentials of Successful Marriage — 05 Are You Compatible?

  1. Mary Wumths

    Men are never more handsome than when they are doing what they do best and in the case of Sir Guy it is writing insightful articles on how to succeed in marriage. Keep the golden wisdom flowing dear Sir!

  2. 1jarofclay

    This is great stuff! Can you give us a few bullet
    points about keeping the mystery after we’re married?

    Your Highness Magnolia,

    I suggest these.
    • Act more modest and don’t explain. Cover yourself more hintingly than before.
    • Don’t complain about routine things that you handle alone.
    • Don’t explain why you do things that don’t make sense to him.
    • Prefer your way of doing things to his way, even if he suggests something different. Do it your way with respect shown to him and his way.
    • Don’t alibi for your mistakes. Swallow it quietly.
    • Stand your ground silently instead of with mouth flying open to express your opinion.
    • Smile more for no apparent reason.

  3. Miss Gina

    “If she does it right, he accepts their life together as friendly and congenial habit…”

    These words perfectly describe what I see at 50 among my long- and happily married male friends, relatives, and acquaintances. (To the ladies) Men like to have habits that relieve them of having to figure out new ways of doing things all the time. It replaces their inability to multitask as women do. (They can do more than one thing at once, if at least one is a habit.) So, relating to one pleasant woman who keeps herself attractive and interesting can dampen the desire for conquest of new women. He is then free to conquer new challenges at work and elsewhere. Wives are also convenient and appreciated as they assist and support these endeavors. Being a friendly and congenial habit for a good man is a great achievement for a lady. 🙂

    Your Highness Miss Gina,
    Beautifully and perfectly described. Thank you.

    • prettybeans

      Lady Gina,
      How is it that you know everything?
      Thank you for these insightful tidbits 🙂

      • Miss Gina

        Dearest Sir Guy,

        Thank you. 🙂

        Dearest Lady Prettybeans,

        I am old enough to have made every mistake in the book but smart enough to have read much of Sir Guy’s wisdom. I see proof of his understanding in the actions of men and women all around me. Much of what I wrote above is found in this blog. ;-D

  4. Amazing Gracee

    Sir guy,

    Could you provide examples of this “Red flags should fly if a man is easily inclined to fault or criticize you, deny his responsibility for some things, or otherwise inflict your premarital relationship with negative inputs.”

    Your Highness Amazing Gracee,
    How about these simple ones?
    • You don’t look good in that.
    • I’ll quit smoking when I feel like it.
    • You dent my car and you’ll pay dearly.
    • Why didn’t your mom teach you to cook?
    • If you don’t wanta do that, why are we together?
    • The SOB fired me for no reason.

    • Amazing gracee

      OH! Those all sound mean and the last one sounds like a child. Hard for me to imagine that anyone would stick around for that!

      Your Highness Amazing Gracee,
      I agree.

  5. Cocoa

    “Sex likenesses do not breed success in a couple. Likenesses stir competition at which wives inevitably lose. Sex differences seal them together much better…” Sir Guy I do not understand this part at all sorry! I read it few time and still 😥. Can you please help me understand it. Thanks.

    Your Highness Cocoa,

    Women willing to deliberately work to keep their man usually prefer the option of adding variety to uphold his interest. They know they have to work at it. Likeness discourages variety of thought; sex differences open a wider door to invite slight or charming changes.

    Likeness tends to breathe boredom into a relationship, whereas differences tend to retain interest. Examples: 1) They both enjoy late night TV in bed. Each rolls over to sleep after viewing attractive people of the opposite sex in a relaxed mindset.

    Comparison with celebrities is inevitable; it doesn’t always favor one’s mate, which can add demerits to their worth. 2) Their taste buds crave the same foods. Over time in the interest of efficiency the cook narrows the menu down to fewer favorites. 3) They both crave extreme sex, so what’s next when they run out of ideas? Another partner? Third party?

    Life doesn’t stand still. When a couple differs in their behavior, more options exist to keep interest up rather than it becoming boring with one another.


    • Cocoa

      Uhhhh! I now understand sir Guy… And it is so true too.
      I know this probably has nothing to do with the specific examples you gave above. But, I guess, when a woman keep herself from moulding into today’s culture – foul language, immodesty, lack of standards – before and after marriage – the likeness will be rare.

      Here are examples that comes to mind: he’s in the garden, she’s in the kitchen. He’s is dressed in 5 minutes she takes her *pretty* time. He watches football she’s meeting with friends and sharing recipes. When they get together they’ve missed each other.

      I know of a couple who met through the same sport, watch the same evening shows, they both don’t care about their attire. Recently he was referring to her as background noise!! Even though they work together in the same place, you never ever see them together! He never ever talks about her. Why is that?! I find it strange. Do you?

      Also, from the above explanation, sir Guy, I assume that it is not always a good thing when two find A LOT in common?! It’s better to be different but share the same standards and faith.

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