2756. Essentials of Successful Marriage — 07 Formula for Success

A formula exists with significant potential for marital success. Follow it and separation is not likely to cloud the marital horizon. It is this.

Formula. Wife starts each day in a happy frame of mind + she’s grateful for and likes who she is and what she does + she’s grateful for the man and kids she does it with + she allows her heart to outwardly reflect and shower her gratitude on those nearby and it = another great day. All of which confirms her self-confidence and gratefulness and brings on a steady and predictable state to her marital affairs.

Spinning out of her great day, her dynamic presence in the lives of her family overwhelms whatever negative outcomes they each may face. She’s in charge by acting in charge; she’s effective by getting her way, because she doesn’t rule but helps guide the self-development of family members. It’s her show to run, but most wives probably lack the first ingredient—‘wife starts each day in a happy frame of mind’.

And readers say, “you mean she only has to be happy?” Yes, but it’s a specific kind and cause, a derivative of the night before, and the major point of this article.

I know it sounds too simple and fanciful, but I’m about to answer the troublesome issue we ponder here. How does she get to a happy frame of mind each morning? She gets it in bed the night before.

You gals can claim that I’m wrong, but I’ll stick with three assumptions.

  1. A wife is as happy in the morning as husband confirmed the night before that she is very important to herself, extremely important to him, and essential for preservation of their relationship. Not satisfied sexually although it may have happened, but confirmed with lovemaking and intimacy that erases any and all doubt about her worthiness and importance to him and life together. IOW, sex without lots of post-coital intimacy is neither good lovemaking nor motivation to be happy the next morning.
  2. A happy woman in the morning is not out to find flaws or faults in her man, disruptions in her life for which she can blame someone else, or otherwise kill the gratefulness in her heart for who she is and what she does. She’s out to build upon the grand fortress she’s fortunate to have found in bed with an adoring and superlative lover. IOW, intimacy dominates her sex life, and post-coital intimacy is the most valuable. When it’s lacking, lovemaking is incomplete and happy doesn’t crown her attitude the next day. She’s as happy today as husband made her feel important last night.
  3. Her husband has no idea that she’s made that way, so dependent on his behavior in bed. A man knows that if she experiences orgasm, he’s done his job and a good one too. He believes what he figures out. Consequently, knowing that he and willy are great lovers, he’s pretty much into either poke, come, and go or he seeks new sexual adventures. Whichever way he takes them, he’s fully qualified and eager to prove his lovemaking ability.

See the dilemma? Wife knows what she needs but he doesn’t. He thinks orgasm is enough, she knows better. He professes lovemaking skills, which turns him against learning something new. He figures he knows her sexual side full well, that’s all that counts in bed, and so his beliefs become more inflexible and his sexual habits more disappointing over time. To him, sexual prowess depends on techniques with his willy more than embracing, holding, and stroking her body amid affectionate whispering in her ear.

IOW, they are not even close to being on the same wavelength about sex and her importance in his and her life together. Wives learn to fake whatever they need in order to preserve the relationship. It means they subordinate intimacy to relationship solidarity. It’s an investment of herself, but not a very rewarding one.

Women need for men to be better lovers; specifically, spreaders of intimacy as the major outcome of sexual relations.

To tell a man that is to insult him. Women need a strategy to coax and coach husbands into becoming better intimacy-based lovers. It’s next if I can produce it.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she loses, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

13 responses to “2756. Essentials of Successful Marriage — 07 Formula for Success

  1. Mary Wumths

    Thanks For another great article. yes pls produce an article on coaxing techniques. I have faith you can do it!

  2. It seems to me that if men and women are consistent in their assumptions and expectations whatever the situation, then it’s really the same game with sex as with anything else, isn’t it?

    He fulfills his obligations to the best of his ability and expects to be thanked, admired, and respected. If she expects to get anything that she wants out of the experience, then she needs to thank, admire, and respect first and foremost.

    It has always seemed to me that men are in many ways much more vulnerable than women when it comes to sex. I mean, even if everything is in good working order, the male potential for failure and embarrassment is a lot stronger than the female potential. If a woman is not aroused, she can fake it; if a man is not aroused, well, too bad.

    So it seems to me that any man who is willing to try have a meaningful sexual encounter with his wife should be made much of, however close to or far from achieving her fantasy he gets.

    Your Highness Edith Mcklveen,
    The rightness of your wisdom shines. However, given the epidemic of relationship failures at a time when unmarried sex is almost required by etiquette or current fashion, I conclude that however wise your thoughts, they are not all that common among sister females.

  3. Cocoa

    Do feminist women fake their feelings or reactions during their encounters with their men. Or is this a very feminine trait?

    Your Highness Cocoa,
    It’s only a guess, but I’d say feminine women are more likely and feminists are less likely.

    • Cocoa

      That’s my guess too. They will be straightforward and not make any allowance to the sense of significant of the man neither to their sense of modesty. Again just a guess.

  4. Lilly

    Great article I have so much to learn and improve. Sir Guy I have a question about marriage how long should man take to propose to his gf (without pressuring him but him wanting it to do it on his own)? I think one year is to soon 2yrs or 1 1/2 yrs I think good. I’m thinking so much about this and worry about this If i would be able to fully screen him well in a year. What are your thoughts Sir Guy im preparing myself when I find a Mr GoodEnough. I had a bad experience when my ex bf came back to my life an apologized about what he did. I gave him a second chance, but he went back to his old ways but this time he was pressuring me for marriage but without courting me as much or putting any effort to win me. I felt so worried my heart and mind was not calm I felt anxiety that marrying him will be a big mistake. Him not treating me well, not putting any effort, pressuring for marriage, I felt like he wanted me to be the seller instead of the buyer. I had no choice but to leave I had no intention of giving him anymore chances. Thank you sir Guy

    Your Highness Lilly,

    Welcome aboard! I love it when pretty women join us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    You worry needlessly about what you already know and how to do it. You already know enough about Mr. Good Enough, whoever he is. Be patient. If he proposes too soon, you can always delay the wedding until you can fully screen him as an engaged couple. That new agenda will help too.


    • Lilly

      Thank you Sir Guy you are right…. I haven’t found a Mr GoodEnough yet, but this was a question has been going through my mind so. much lately (how will I know what I already know). My ex bf behavior caused me to lose trust in him ( I was deeply sadden, heartbroken, and disappointed) which made me decided that he wasn’t a Mr GoodEnough. I will know when Mr GoodEnough arrives next time this bad experience taught me so much and I learned so much about myself. I always thought when I was younger that when I have my first relationship he will be the person I’ll marry. That I would get it right the first time . I still have a lot to learn and improve. Thank you Sir Guy 😄😄

  5. Mary Wumths

    It is a sad day when there are no new posts on WWNH 😭

  6. Miss Gina

    I guess every lady is a little different. Some ladies are asleep before post-coital-anything could happen… 😉

  7. Mary Wumths

    Missing Sir Guy, need my daily fix 😩

  8. Lex

    Sir Guy,

    At the end if this wonderful post, you mentioned that you may explain in a follow-up post how women can “coax and coach husbands into becoming better intimacy-based lovers” without being insulting.

    Are you going to be addressing this? It seems like a difficult thing for a wife to do without being rude/insulting and I am curious to hear you thoughts.

    Thanks, Lex

    Your Highness Lex,
    Re coaxing and coaching husbands, it is under development. I need more time for it to appear.

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