2760. Childhood Chores Produce Men Who Love Best


Background

Men are reasonably simple to describe until it comes to loving someone—including themselves. At birth boys lack two vital ingredients essential for their hearts to develop and later distribute as love of others. 1) Unlike girls, boys are born with no sense of self-love. They can’t give what they don’t have. 2) They are born with a sense of responsibility, however, but only to themselves; others are left out of that genetic predisposition.

Men are born to love and be responsible only for what they want to do, and it doesn’t include other people or even themselves to love. Lessons learned later in life program their hearts much too easily with disdain for self-love, love of others, and female friendly ways. Even hate is possible. Those lessons, whatever the outcome, mostly arrive under the sponsorship of parents.

Men learn to love others indirectly. First, they learn to love themselves, and second they expand their sense of responsibility to include others than just themselves. Again, it happens in childhood or not likely at all.

Women are born to love others including themselves. Mating couples can’t succeed very well, however, unless women program the masculine heart with lovable and loving kindness that moves manly interest toward female-friendly interests and conditions. IOW, men become what Womanhood—to the extent that women act alike—expects them to become.

Men don’t love women and kids unless mothers civilize boys about life in the domestic arena; teen girls tame boys to get their way and make boys learn to appreciate female life in the social arena; bachelorettes smooth out the ruffled feathers of masculinity; and wives complete their man’s self-development to promote and harmonize family friendliness.

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Solution

A man’s ability to love others arises from a two-step process. 1) His potential to love future wife and kids arises during self-development in his growing-up years. His latent ability develops from actions that program him with loveable, peaceable, and harmonizing thoughts and loyalty that overwrite any disinterest and hate for self and others. 2) His love becomes fulfilled with later experience investing himself in the care and lives of those he loves. His actions program his heart, and the greater his investment of self, the greater his sense of duty to provide, protect, etc.

Men see the love of someone else as a duty, and men do their duty to satisfy themselves. By self-development and expanding his sense of responsibility to include others, duty becomes routine and his love becomes more evident.

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Left to themselves, boys self-develop strictly loyal to self. OTOH, they develop with broader interest in other people when they learn who they are, what they do, and what roles they fill in life in the process of peaceably handling daily chores. Consequently, the fewer and less challenging the chores, the more loyal boys remain to self and less potential they develop for loving and being responsible for others.

The daily expression of fulfilling responsibility for chores programs their hearts. They may never learn to love the chores. However, they learn to like themselves for pleasing someone else, mostly mom, and displaying their ability. That is both personal growth and self-development. They become more unique as new chores challenge their maturity and they incorporate chores into their self-developmental habits. It all works as God designed us: Actions program the heart during the decade between toddler and puberty.

After a decade of chores, boys are programmed with both reason to love self and acceptance that their sense of duty includes other people and things in life. IOW, boys develop habits of externalizing rather than internalizing their thoughts, efforts, and satisfactions, which programs their hearts for sharing love more easily by accepting responsibility for others.

Parents and mostly mothers have one solution to overcome developmental obstructions. It is the continual assignment and peaceful supervision of chores. Over a decade, that process turns out mature adults capable of personal devotion and loyalty to others, and it flourishes particularly for parents who lead by example and suppress disturbance with love rather than turmoil. Thus, the childhood habit of loyalty to one’s chores emerges in adulthood as loyalty to those for whom one is responsible.

In the final analysis, boys are born lacking self-love and with his sense of responsibility focused directly on himself alone. Girls are born lacking in self-respect. Work in the form of chores develops both a boy’s self-love and expands his sense of responsibility to include others. Chores between toddler and puberty breeds self-respect in girls.

After his conscious mind opens in his third year, with good parenting, boys learn both self-love and to expand his sense of duty to include others by self-consciously performing chores that are not demeaning but which uplift him through achievements. Success performing chores slightly more mature than he is at the time program his heart with both self-love and ability to be responsible to and for others. Out of the process of performing endless boyhood chores imposed peaceably by motherly values, standards, and expectations inculcated into his still-developing character, a boy begins teen life with a heart full of mature man-think by the time puberty has passed.

 

9 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, nurturing, sex differences, The mind

9 responses to “2760. Childhood Chores Produce Men Who Love Best

  1. Lex

    What kind of chores are good for a 7 year old boy?

    • Meow Meow

      Helping you find things at the store and bring back to you, helping carry things, help Dad wash the car (?) chores associated with taking care of a pet they may have, walking/washing the dog, window washing, vaccuming, running errands for you/dad, maybe prep work for a larger chore for you or dad, doing a chore regularly for an elderly neighbor like bringing their mail/paper to them, keeping his own room picked up—(basic cleanliness/hygiene/care for your things) food prep like chopping veggies or husking corn …I’m sure Sir Guy will clarify but maybe this helps as a jumping-off point. Hope some of these work for your situation.

      Also there are some simple food things a kid can easily learn like boiling eggs, making spaghetti or pancakes etc. that will always serve him well in the long run.

  2. Mary Wumths

    It is a fine day when there is a new blog post on wwnh 😍

  3. Cocoa

    Hi sir Guy, while the boys were toddlers and up until school age, I was home and never worked. I used to give them very little things to do, like taking the garbage out. Putting their dirty clothes in the wash. Asking the older one to look after his younger brother if I am not around. And the younger to always listen to the older and play nicely and fairly together.

    I guess my question is; if I did not impose a lot ongoing chores but I did impose a lot to do with studying – assigning them more homework, always checking on their work, hold them accountable for their grades… Do these study related chores count? I feel like I completely lacked assigning them “house” chores.

    Your Highness Cocoa,
    Of course they count. In fact, for boys they are better than house chores but the latter should not be ignored. Balance is good. House chores teach how to love responsibility to satisfy others, and study teaches how to love learning and be responsible for expanding one’s responsibility for self.
    Guy

    • Cocoa

      Thanks sir Guy. This reassures me!

      I remember when my youngest score a very high score in year 12 (he’s the naughty, playful and wild one) and I was crazy happy, he told me this “see I never liked studying, you put pressure on me forever, now, this is your work. I did this for you mum!”

      Him and his brother, who also score very well, and cruising through university. Oh well, it can’t be all pain this marriage. Looks like pain paid off.

      House chores are not their thing but when or if I ask for help they do.

      Umm! Yes, I guess I am a proud mother.

      P.S I think that I when I separated part of the reason was for these boys, so they understand that maybe a seemingly weak, dependant woman can say NO one day. SO THEY DO NOT TAKE THEIR FUTURE WIVES FOR GRANTED!

      Your Highness Cocoa,
      Well done. Wise reasoning too.
      Guy

  4. 1jarofclay

    Please pray for us here in South Florida. Irma is on its way!

    • Cocoa

      May the Lord protect you all in south Florida 1jarofclay (what a lovely screen name btw 🙂 )

      Did you have to leave home?

      • 1jarofclay

        Thank you so much. My husband and I are home with my mother-in-law. What a monster of a storm! We’re in the West Palm Beach area, where it won’t be as bad. But the other coast of Florida is getting hit hard. I have relatives in Tampa, so prayers are welcome! I’m sure you’ve seen that there was utter destruction in the Caribbean and the streets in Miami are flooded! THE OCEAN CAME TO THE STREETS! Over six million people were told to evacuate their homes in the state of Florida if they live in coastal or low areas. Many didn’t. God help us! Please pray!

        Magnolia

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