2765. Refresher Thoughts — 15


  1. Gals to one another disclose every detail in their lives. It brings them close together out of which trust and comfort develop. Mistakenly, they do the same with men. It doesn’t work and gal finds herself dropped by guy.
  2. I quote from a lady’s comment in July 2011. “But, in my eyes, I saw him as the only person I could depend on because I had confided everything in him.” Does it not illustrate relationship blunders? 1) She trusts him just because he listens? 2) She reveals herself, sends vibes of desperation, and he deciphers her weaknesses with little effort. 3) She smothers her mystery with anxiety to please him or her, and he doesn’t stay long. 4) She talks abundantly instead of listening early in a relationship. 5) She misses the opportunity to earn a man’s respect early-on by listening to him describe himself as the seller and thus aligning his thinking with her in the role of buyer. [1343]
  3. A woman’s ambitions motivate her to confirm her importance by continually keeping everything in life balanced and moving toward a brighter future. All well and good, except it’s the opposite of trying to open, build, and sustain a relationship with a man. In courtship, he should be getting used to the idea that he makes her future brighter.
  4. He figures a woman out from what he sees and not what he hears. She is opposite. So, she should enable him to talk a lot and listen accurately, thoughtfully, and pleasantly (aka smilingly). Especially in the early weeks and months of a relationship.
  5. A gal looking to find Mr. Right loves that idealized model before it appears. She focuses on her loving him more than his earning her. It’s self-defeating, as unnoticed flaws will become very evident and discouraging after marriage.
  6. She wants to be loved and cherished, but boyfriend or husband knows far less than what she expects. Men prefer to do what they can rather than inquire about what she expects. Providing what he thinks satisfies her, it satisfies him with himself, and he grows no more in the direction of what she expects.

9 Comments

Filed under courtship, feminine, marriage, sex differences

9 responses to “2765. Refresher Thoughts — 15

  1. Mary Wumths

    Excellent article especially item # 2. Too often we see life out of our own frame of reference and have little awareness how the other party perceives us.

    I read a book by a psychotherapist who boiled down most of the problems people have in life is due to lack of awareness of how their own behavior affects others.

    This blog enlightens women to see how men view the world and they are very different from women. Talking initimately does not make men fall in love!
    It makes women fall in love but not men

  2. Cocoa

    #5 is so true. Girls and women need to delay as much as they could this falling in love stage till they know they can take Mr good enough AS IS!

    I did see and know the flows in my husband before we married. My feelings were in check, but my fall was that I thought people may change… No one changes, they might adjust their behaviours, like few guys around me these days, but their nature doesn’t.

    When we fall in love, our ability to analyse and assess is frozen, then, after few years following marriage, the frozen abilities melt to discover the tough truth.

    So… Keep your feelings to yourself and practise resistance and restrain as much as you could. Just tell yourself “it is JUST feelings”

  3. Femme

    Sir Guy,
    Excellent post.
    Could you explain #3 please?

    Your Highness Femme,
    I’m confused. Can you be more specific?
    Guy

    • Femme

      Certainly.
      This is a very important point, in my opinion. After all, the whole point of getting married is for the man to contribute to a woman’s life and help her realise her dreams. But we are also discouraged to talk about marriage and children and white picket fences directly. So how does a woman get a man used to the idea that he brightens her future?

      Your Highness Femme,
      These are good starters.
      She glorifies his significance, depends on his achievements, respects who he is and what he does, keeps her focus on what she can do, and elevates him above all others including her children.
      Guy

      • Femme

        Sir Guy, thank you.
        I imagine she can only start glorifying him if she decides he is Mr Good enough.
        But why then is she wrong if her ambitions “motivate her to confirm her importance by continually keeping everything in life balanced and moving toward a brighter future.”?
        What does it even look like, in practical terms?
        Forgive me my insistence, but this was a stumbling block in my marriage – that is, my hysband was not interested in making my future bright or even moving in that direction – and I’m trying to find out where I went wrong.

        Your Highness Femme,

        Seeking a brighter future is part of the female nature; e.g., she seeks a better job, better school for children, loses fat to upgrade her attractiveness.

        Husband uninterested in making wife’s future brighter is husband poorly screened and chosen.

        Guy

        • Femme

          Yes, Sir Guy, quite.
          Poorly screened and chosen – and he even told me himself in the early days people don’t change; I should have listened. He may be perfect for another woman.
          And I meant husband not hysband, of course 😊.

  4. Briar Rose

    Hello Sir Guy,

    Point #6 has proven to be a sore spot in my marriage. However, I suspect my husband is open to working on this.

    Last year on my birthday, I cleared my schedule of the pleasant activities I typically did on that day of the week to spend the whole day with my husband.

    In the morning, he asked me what I wanted to do. I told him that I only wanted to go to dinner at our favorite place – no big deal, we are regulars there. He said okay, do you mind if we run some errands in the meantime? I told him no problem.

    Somewhere in the ballpark of 7-8 hours later (about 6:00 pm) we finally finished all the errands. When we were heading home, I got excited. All I wanted to do was freshen up, put on a pretty dress and enjoy a nice meal with my husband. As we pulled in to our condo complex, my husband pulled the car into our garage (it’s a bit of a hassle to get in and out of – we usually just pull into the lot behind our building when we are making a quick stop inside). I asked him what he was doing. He told me he thought we might be too tired to go out, and wanted to be on the safe side (it possible yet unlikely to receive a ticket if you leave your car in the lot *overnight*). So then we had a back-and-forth about how we had nothing ready to cook sand weren’t we supposed to be going out? It turned into a big fight. No card, no flowers, no dinner out, but instead tears, and hurt, and disappointment on my birthday.

    I wish I could change the events of last year, but alas I can not. However, my birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks, and it’s already giving me anxiety. Hubby has already told me to “think about the gift I want so we can go get it together.” But, other than that I doubt he has anything else in mind. He is supposed to work that night – I feel like it’s highly unlikely that he has requested the night off.

    So, I don’t want a repeat of last year… I have two objectives: to enjoy myself, and to not put any pressure on him.

    1. I’m not sure how I should respond if he asks me again to go shop with him to pick out a gift – it’s something that I don’t enjoy doing, which he knows, but I suspect he’s trying to do what he thinks is right. Should I just feign enthusiasm to help him regain positive associations with my birthday?

    2. I’m also not sure if I should just go ahead and make plans with my friends. If he does decide to take the day off from work, his feelings will be hurt that I have other plans. On the other hand, if he doesn’t, or for some reason can’t get the day off, I’m going to be disappointed that I’m sitting home alone on my birthday.

    What’s a gal to do? Any insight is appreciated.

    Thank you,

    Rose

    Your Highness Briar Rose,

    If you have the option or plan for your birthday with others, you’ve already sent the message that he’s not critical to your celebration. So, why should you get his utmost attention?

    If you want him to pay more attention to it, sit at home alone a year or two.

    Guy

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