2795. Wifely Leadership — 05: As Women Enter Marriage


Out of the inborn male nature, these ‘grenades’ await wives as they begin marriage. She may not know how, why, or when she pulls the pin.

  • Her love didn’t win him, her sex won’t keep him.
  • Femininity attracts, Feminism detracts.
  • Men appreciate what they earn and remain devoted to the most likeable.

A man’s primal self-expectation in life is to keep himself satisfied with himself and with whomever he’s doing what he’s doing. Wife need not be perfect; she was closest to perfect when he proposed. Mrs. Good Enough need only keep husband satisfied with himself that he chose rightly.

Mrs. Good Enough exploits the vacant leadership role. And you say, “vacant?” Yes, she’s entitled to as big a leadership role as she can earn with well discussed agreements that promote hubby’s satisfaction with her and their life together. Details later.

Soon after romantic love fades in a year or two, a wife faces the reality that husband doesn’t quite fit her mold as she imagined. Their marriage is okay but not as she envisioned it. He’s just not completely the husband she expected. Unable to make marriage match her dreams, it frustrates her. His married mind, which held so much promise before, can’t keep up with fulfilling her dreams, intentions, and expectations of who and what he and they should be.

If she pressures him at all, his focus turns elsewhere and perhaps away from her, their pre-marital interests become less mutual, and a gap spreads in their relationship. Thus, she misguides two biased and perhaps selfish leaders who ought to work hard and together to remain compatible.

He should rule overall but her leadership keeps him satisfied they do the right thing together. So, any of her wishes are best fulfilled when subordinated to his remaining satisfied living with her.

You heard it here before. Men are passive members in a relationship, regardless of how they strut their authority as kingpin. Only women can manage a relationship successfully, and relationships get very complex soon after marriage.

Moreover, their living in the present makes changes more noticeable. By her living in the present but primarily for the future, patience enables her to more slowly rearrange whatever expectations and agreements exist, whether verbalized, silent, or implied.

Wives confirm their leadership role and stir the marital relationship to success, when they use responsibility as arbiter, dominator, and source of individual power. For example, early on but in routine fashion wife seeks his agreement on this: Anger aimed at self is okay, aimed at others is to be avoided. Nothing wrong, it doesn’t seem right for our marriage. Agree?

The HOW of all that follows.

3 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage, The mind

3 responses to “2795. Wifely Leadership — 05: As Women Enter Marriage

  1. caitlinshea3

    Dear Sir Guy,
    This all makes sense, except in trying to reconcile with a statement two articles ago: “Simplified, he owns both her and their marriage.”
    So since he’s passive… what is he actually doing when he’s owning the marriage? Just being happy with her and himself and not considering walking out?
    Thanks!

    Your Highness Caitlinshea3,

    Yes, that’s about it. It appears unequal and sounds unfair, but it’s the stable rock upon which a wife can build their relationship, marriage, family, and harmony in the home. She and not he produces those results.

    Ownership confirmed by satisfaction with himself stabilizes him, and she only needs that stable rock upon which to build and keep him satisfied with her, living with her, and himself.

    Guy

    • caitlinshea3

      Makes perfect sense! The more I apply your principles in my thinking and conversing with my husband, the better our marriage gets. Of course secretly I can pat myself on the back and know that it’s because of my initiative, and husband can merely feel more and more that he’s doing a great job (at work and home) and that must be why I’m so happy!

      Your Highness Caitlinshea3,
      Congratulations! You make it clear.
      It’s one way women generate a happy life. She initiates to help someone else become important or successful, and that more satisfied person makes her happier with herself; someone else appears happy and she had a hand in it.
      Guy

  2. Peach Blossoms

    ‘Anger aimed at self is okay, aimed at others is to be avoided. Nothing wrong, it doesn’t seem right for our marriage.’
    Dear Sir Guy,
    A bit confused by this — is this not right, or right? And why not?

    Your Highness Peach Blossoms,
    The context is wife talking to husband. She’s trying to shape their relationship by getting his agreement to stifle what is often masculine explosiveness, but trying to do it without blame or criticism.
    Guy

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