2796. Wifely Leadership — 06: As Wives Lead Husbands— I

Men know how to live their own lives, even after they marry. However, it’s the wife who brings them into a good life together with mutual satisfaction.

Women can read men but the opposite isn’t true. Oh, a man can acknowledge that his woman is upset or angry, but her inner feelings, subtle anxieties, and suppressed attitudes escape him. The mature woman tries to keep her deeper feelings to herself, but she faces situations that so easily hurt her. This series aims at making husband a better reader of her emotional conditions and more appreciative of what she needs to galvanize her mindset for more harmony in the home.

I am building a list of examples of how wives can communicate better, shape husband’s thinking to make her life easier, and arrange for husband to think more compatibly.

Wife doesn’t have to perform perfectly. She does best by preventing or eliminating challenges to her female sensibility, before they grow or emerge unexpectedly. She has only to keep him satisfied with who she is as the yolk and what she does with the egg white part of marriage.

In the course of courtship, engagement, and early marriage, I propose that wives purposely negotiate agreement on the many issues they face now and later. There are no right answers but this: Both parties agree to live up to the agreements they work out before the fact. Formally, I call it negotiation, but quite often it’s merely a way to exchange how each other feels about sensitive issues.

Wife anticipates issues arising that husband never can, regardless of his good intentions or promises. Unless she has an attitude soured by lack of respect for men, each wife has the ability to improve compatibility and brighten her future by informing hubby how to better read and interpret her.

I don’t do rules, but this time I must because I’m proposing simple exercises in communicating better. The purpose of what follows below is three-fold. 1) Teach husband how to read her better, 2) talk out the subject before or prevent blame or guilt arriving on the scene, 3) reach mutual understanding without promises.

Wives should follow these rules to keep discussions from rising to disagreement. The purpose is to inform and reach mutual understanding about how she operates or intends to conduct the affairs of home.

  • She bases all discussions on how the sexes differ, not how he or she is displeased with the other.
  • She neither blames nor criticizes during discussions.
  • She talks around rather than about current problems.
  • She accepts volunteered promises but neither requires nor expects fulfillment. (Promises pulled from someone are unreliable by nature; only those prompted by self without pressure can be relied upon and not always them either.)

She leads when she brings up discussion matters that pleasantly breed agreement without pressure, complaint, criticism, or blame. It’s the agreements by which they develop common mindsets and by which they will live in the future. Those below are just a few of what wives need to cover if they want to gain influence, lead affirmingly, get their way more often, and thereby make their relationship more compatible and successful.

The following are neither rules nor absolutes; they are ideas around which women lead when they initiate, discuss, and gain mutual agreement or at least understanding of both spouses. Each wife has to accept the context as valid and needful, and then phrase the content in her own words.

In these examples, she’s speaking and discussion is invited and likely follows (or she approached him poorly).

Could you initiate these talks with your husband? Do it respectfully, directly or indirectly? Could you stimulate understanding or work out agreements for each other? If you can, the following is a shipload of trade offs that breeds peace, pleasantness, and trustworthiness that serve as seeds of harmony in the home; love is simply never enough.

  1. It’s easier for men to respect than trust women. It’s easier for women to trust men than respect them. We both are responsible to make life easier. So, the more I trust you, the more I respect you. The more you respect me, the more you can trust me. It encourages us to live up to each other, which motivates us to be better individuals.
  2. Our marriage is no better than how we divide it into individual and mutual responsibilities and fulfill each to the satisfaction of each other. Example: You take care of the cars and outside of the house. I’ll take care of inside the house and raise our kids. My work ahead includes assigning responsibilities to myself and the children. You already know your responsibilities.
  3. I know you would never start something at which you expect to fail. It means you need to be responsible for our marriage or else you can’t prevent failure. Know this: I’m responsible to help you do that. You should let me know directly if I’m off track or singing in the wrong key that in anyway weakens your responsibility.

The list continues next. I request comments if you think these are impossible or impractical initiative for wives.



Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences, The mind

6 responses to “2796. Wifely Leadership — 06: As Wives Lead Husbands— I

  1. MLaRowe

    This does seem helpful to me.

  2. Magnolia

    Thank you for this excellent series that you’ve gifted us with and happy veterans day to you, Sir. ❤

  3. CartieB

    Hi Guy,
    I know one of the many nature of men is the ability to focus on one tasks at a time. This might explain why a boyfriend forgets to celebrate his girlfriend’s birthday because he’s busy trying to buy an engagement ring. However, is it worth hinting to him that he forgot her birthday? Is there a way of hinting that does not blame him or make the girlfriend out to be a complainer?

    On the other hand, I feel like reminding him would probably embarrass him and could possibly signify that his girlfriend doesn’t appreciate his efforts, therefore unlikeable.

    Am I moving in the right direction with my thought process or did I fall off a cliff? Thank you!

    Your Highness CartieB,

    Your female nature contains a parachute so you can fall off the cliff and be a better woman without ‘begging’ for it. How? You depend less on others to make you feel good about yourself.

    Say nothing and let him discover it on his own. If he does, he’ll be a better man for having figured it out by himself. If he doesn’t and it passes into history undiscovered, he may not be all that valuable to you.


  4. Anonymous Wife

    Sir Guy, if possible would you be abke to provide an example of a wife talking ‘around’ a problem?

    Thank you.

    Your Highness Anonymous Wife,

    I presume you’re referring to this soundbite in the article, “She talks around rather than about current problems.”

    Being a woman, I find it hard to believe you’ve never done that before.

    However, in answer to your question, learn to dominate to his satisfaction the communication in your home such that you eventually get your way. A man hates to be defeated by his woman, but he loves to please her when it makes him look good.

    And if I missed your intention, please ask more specifically.


    • Anonymouswife

      Thank you for your response- yes I was referring to where you wrote: “She talks around rather than about current problems” when having a discussion with her husband.

      I am assuming it is when she is addressing a problem she would like her husband to solve or help solve and was trying to imagine a scenario where I could address a problem in such a way.

      Thank you

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