2799. Wifely Leadership — 09: As Women Lead Men — IV

Whether you lady readers are married or shacked up, you’re certain that you’ve generated and are managing a successful relationship. You’re not ready to change for fear of…? That’s okay, but there are greater pleasures out there for the wife willing to assert her leadership ability.

Responsibility determines who leads and who follows. That distinction also shapes what each family member believes and, consequently, their attitude.

Now, it’s easy for wives to claim, Oh, I could never do that, never bring up and talk about such subjects as those listed below. Yet, later she can fight deliberately when energized to cover her mistakes or blame or criticize husband’s wrong doing. The suggestions listed below aim to prevent arguments by reaching agreement ahead of time and shaping their attitudes to relate well together; it can prevent unproductive arguments and ill feelings that arise later.

Mastering the art of making one person responsible helps immensely when dealing with children; they benefit from having only one boss on matters that concern them directly. If husband goes along well with wife’s marital decisions, she must be doing almost everything right.

Here are more suggestions. Wife is written in first person, and husband in second.

21. Being the king, husbands find it desirable to wield their authority, demonstrate their privilege to rule, and let everyone know that they rule. The most effective way to convince others of their power, however, is to delegate authority such that they never have to use theirs. The threat is stronger than the use.

22. Husbands figure that foreplay is romance, so outside of bed romance is unnecessary. NOT! Romance confirms to a wife that she’s worthy and important to husband. As for us, you’re responsible to regularly romance me and foreplay is the promise of excitement to follow. If I’m not worth some romancing by you, I’m not worth much as a wife to me.

23. You’re due for some ‘time off for good behavior’. I hereby grant some time each week to spend with your buds. You determine but set a limit on your free time outside the home that both you can keep and I can rely on. You’re free to schedule it, whether golf, football, or whatever is in season. And I’m free to register disagreement for abuse of ‘privilege’. Empowered by God to pursue our self-interest, while living in this home however, self-interest is subordinate to family-interest unless mom rules otherwise. IOW, you can get what you want, but if you take advantage of me, I’m will speak loudly about my displeasure. It’s an enjoyable and even laughable thought, but I won’t cut you off.

24. I don’t deny your sexual urges, as long as you please me that way too. IOW you lead but also inherit the burden to make me happy about our sex together. If I’m not satisfied, and orgasm is never enough, it’s up to you to figure it out. I’m free to expect improvement without relying on blame, criticism, or even suggestion of what to do. Also, I don’t do kinky stuff.

25. As kingpin in our family, you’re the final authority on matters of morality and religion. If you wish to abdicate those concepts, I ask that you authorize me to guide the family in those directions, you excepted of course.

26. I’m responsible for the inside appearance of our home, but each child is responsible for their room, and you for any workspace you create. I know you’re not perfect, but tidiness generates a lot of wifely blessings.

27. You’re responsible to provide me with intimate confirmations of my importance and worth to you. Cuddling and sweet talk at bedtime works very well but by no means exclusively.

28. Trying to harmonize family life, I’m responsible to keep the home calm enough for all members to find balance and purpose. I will be demanding behavior different from the unsatisfactory. You’re no exception if you get out of bounds.

29. I hereby outlaw blame and imposing of guilt on others. Self-imposed guilt is okay.

30. If we can’t see where we’re headed, we won’t like it when we get there. I’m responsible to keep you informed of what I see ahead that will likely impact our life together.


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Filed under Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

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