2811. A Special Recap for an Upcoming Bride: Love

Her Highness CartieB, with questions at post 2808, inspired this series in four-parts: compatible, purpose, love, and sex — i.e., posts 2809-2812.

LOVE. The sexes are generally born as described below. However, individuals modify and intensify their lives variously by lessons learned growing up.

The multiple expressions of womanly love can be described in four forms. 1) Romantic love, the offspring of infatuation, fades a year or two after a couple’s first sex together. 2) Enduring deep affection with romance embedded, and 3) enduring love for people and things without romantic connections, both of which reward a woman just by its presence in her heart. 4) Mother love sprouts anew and unconditionally after giving birth to each child.

Men have one highly complex form of loving a woman, mate, or wife. Founded on his respect that she has to earn, his devotion grows from his dedication to please her and habit of pleasing himself by pleasing her. Her personal likeability enhances his devotion and he senses pleasure when in her presence.

Complementing that with self-interest, logic, and reason, and her expected loyalty to him alone, he convinces himself that he can be more satisfied living with her than satisfied with himself living alone. It’s the revelation point; he admits to himself that she’s the one to fit into his life, and he decides to propose.

It’s a one-time moment and a man’s version of true love. He convinces himself that he will be more satisfied living with her than with himself or someone else. IOW, admitting true love to himself IS his willingness to commit. He proposes, thereby blindly accepts responsibility for generating success in their marriage, and trusts that his bride will govern their arrangement such that he remains satisfied with himself for marrying her.

Note what’s absent above, her love of him. While her love confirms that he’s worthy of her , it’s less for him and not the convincer or persuader she hopes for. Her love adds to her personal likeability, reinforces his likeability to her, and helps sustain his conviction that she will remain faithful to him. All of which grow a man’s love. But her love of him, however wonderfully she feels convincing him of it, isn’t nearly enough to keep him as she hopes and prays.

Two factors outrank and override both her love of him and good sex as predictors of their future together: 1) His devotion to her. 2) His satisfaction with himself living with her. Without one or both, she’s temporary.

The following dissolves any and all glues shown above and guarantees a couple’s togetherness will end sooner or later: blame, guilt, frustrations, criticisms, irritants, and belittling remarks aimed at husband.



Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences, The mind

4 responses to “2811. A Special Recap for an Upcoming Bride: Love

  1. Ava

    Hi Sir

    Another very wise post

    If a wife is “better” at some things that husband wishes he were good at does this equate to respect? Or does husband feel inadequate because of it? How is a wife to navigate this, other than remain to humble about her successes?

    Your Highness Ava,

    Timing is important. If he’s aware of her being ‘better’ before he proposes, then it’s okay with him.

    If after they marry she changes to ‘better’, he might take offense if he’s good or likes to do the same thing. He’s not likely to mind unless she shows off or puts him down.

    Humble always pays off for her, if he saw it before he proposed. Husbands want their bride to remain their bride for life.


  2. CartieB


    Really appreciate this post and this line “Her personal likeability enhances his devotion and he senses pleasure when in her presence.” I created a board at home that reads “likeable and sexy” to remind myself of what I want to be everyday. It inspires me to constantly engage in pretty/mirror time for my outer appearance and self love for my inner appearance. I admit, it’s working well because the men at my job enjoy my presence and my boyfriend tells me he is one lucky guy and that I’m his soulmate!

    Your Highness CartieB,
    I hate to tell you this, honey, but your focusing on sexy makes boyfriend focus less on you personally.

    • Cartie B

      Okay, maybe some better words are attractive and classy! I do get complimented very often and it’s not because I overexposed my body to be “sexy.”

      Your Highness CartieB,

      I’m sorry, honey, but I was not clear. I mean to get sexy out of your mind about you and what you appear to be. Leave that to men. When you think of your sexiness, it reflects in your dress, attitude, and swing of the hips and further takes the interest of man or men off of you as person and potential mate.

      Look, I regret that I talk too esoterically about the subject. My major point is this: Females capture and keep a man with everything else but sex, so why should a gal waste time trying to attract with sex or think of herself as sexy?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s