Why is love not enough to hold a couple together? It is too easily overwhelmed by fault-finding, criticism, and blame. Today she’s lovey-dovey, yesterday she was emotionally inflamed by something he did or didn’t do; tomorrow brings more emotional distress about him and his role in her life. She’s in and out of her mad spells and expects purposeful loving spells to compensate.
The negatives far outweigh the positives. A man blamed is a man stirred to action, motivated to do something to avoid or prevent more of the same. A man shown female love is a man stirred to comfort. If she’s smiling, she’s okay and he’s not guilty of something. If she’s complaining, he’s guilty.
He may desire to assuage his guilt and please her, but not if she blames him. Her blame is a put down of his manly sense of responsibility. Any sense of a man’s guilt is quickly erased by blame; he switches his motivational effort from cooperative to competitor with dedication to prove her wrong or expendable.
His nature works that way; he won’t live with someone when he can do better elsewhere. And so couples split, men are blamed again, and female friends sympathize with her. The process has spread dynamically over several decades, and multiplies with each generation of seven years.
Whether she thinks it or not, she acts as if she’s responsible for their marriage. If their partnership is going to work, he’s responsible for their marriage and she’s responsible for their relationship and living together.