Females have two forms of love, unconditional mother love and conditional love they like to share and spread among others. A woman expresses both in two ways:
1) She feels good about herself for sharing her love with someone else. It’s a selfish act designed into the female nature to ensure she learns to spread love to others. It also lingers in some women who never learn to be sincere in sharing their love with others.
A woman’s love isn’t worth very much if sharing it only makes her feel good about herself. IOW, selfishness does not lead to happy female.
2) Her expressions of love should make targets like themselves better and feel more worthwhile because of her presence in their lives. Both should benefit, men primarily from her actions, and other women primarily from her words.
She gives her love to someone else and receives the benefits of their loving or at least appreciating her in return; that is, she gives love for benefits in her life. When successful by being unselfish, she feels doubly good about herself; she gives and mostly gets much of what she wants in return. Although originally motivated by selfishness to make sure she shares her love, she learns early in life that she has greater returns on her loving investments by not being selfish.
And then she runs into this paradox of which women seem ignorant.
The paradox lives on daily and eternally. She loves whomever she loves, and it’s the result of her directly sharing her love. He loves what he owns, and her demonstrations of her love are tested against his sense of her duty to his ownership. IOW, her love has to fit in with all the other things he ‘bought’ when he married her.
Certain behaviors are contradictory to husband’s sense of her duty, and men are long on duty. Example: A wife’s yelling, blaming, criticizing, and speaking ill of him to others contradicts her words of love. If she poisons his sense of her duty, how can she keep him satisfied with himself for choosing her?
Regarding him, she loves enough of who he is and what he does to please her that he should love her too. Regarding her, he already loves who she is and what she does, or he wouldn’t be with her. She need only to not contradict it or surprise him with qualities or habits that annoy or are opposite to what he anticipated. But that’s another story.