2844. Love is Never Enough — 12: Men Love Differently


I apologize for prematurely defining and describing male love as if it exists in some form close to female love. It doesn’t, and the more we try to match male and female love as alike, the less we understand the male nature.

Outside of marriage, a man is willing to share some of who he is and what he does with a woman. We call it love but it confuses and prevents clarity when examining the male nature. His love is more a willingness to share parts of who he is as compared to the female’s ‘I’m all yours’. I eliminate the following two phony forms of manly love. After that, we will describe a man’s true love

  1. A man proclaims his love in order to bed gals of sexual interest. It may or may not be a sincere expression of his heart, but it isn’t true love.
  2. A man proclaims his love to keep close a gal of interest in his present life. He may or may not be sincere but likely expresses his mind; at least enough to serve his self-interest. Again, however, it isn’t masculine true love, which is a one-time event described below.

Just as women do with their heart, a man first loves internally but with both heart and mind. To introduce the meaning of what follows below, I summarize how husbands love a wife, and it comes out expressed in one or two ways.

1) Devoted to his woman more than himself. Men who love at first sight usually are like that. A few others learn the practice in early courtship by pleasing their woman so extensively they learn it makes them feel better than it pleases her.

2) Devoted to himself. With obligation to his woman as prime motivator, he’s devoted to satisfying himself that he’s capable of success in whatever he undertakes on their behalf. It’s the most common form of masculine love and so difficult for women to perceive and appreciate.

To more deeply understand the male nature, however, let’s eliminate the use of love from a man’s behavior. In truth, as it functions in him, it’s irrelevant. If you’re puzzled, answers follow, I hope.

Let’s presume that what wife gets in marriage is not love as she shares hers but something else. Something that, by comparison, exceeds and is more stable than female love. It’s backed up by a man’s heart and mind, by commitment rather than just playfulness, duty rather than just passion, responsibility rather than just partnering, determination not to fail rather than just take a risk, and, perhaps in some cases, devotion rather than just living as partners. In short, his love doesn’t appear as love but more as the willingness to include her within his life.

I can’t know this but to add clarity, it must work this way. I declare that a man’s true love exists only when he decides to propose; it’s the only time he puts everything together in his heart and mind and decides that he will commit himself to one woman for a life together. He determines that he will find more satisfaction living with her than satisfaction in the way he lives at the moment.

It’s an instantaneous conclusion built on months of self-analysis, consideration of who and what she can be to him, their mutual likeability, and his willingness to commit himself to living with someone else.

The intensity of female love has no male counterpart. Women infatuate easily, love romantically, and hotly justify and act out their love. Men do none of that, except in pursuit of passion.

Man commits himself based on what he knows about himself and his intentions and goals, mind and heart harmonized. He concludes that he will be better satisfied living with his potential fiancé as wife than living any longer by himself. And that’s the key; he decides he will be more satisfied with her than just by himself. His independent decision acknowledges his true love to himself and provides the emotional energy behind his proposal to marry.

Standing behind his proposal is his determination to offer up all of who he is and what he does on behalf of his new endeavor. He goes all in, leaves nothing on the table. His sense of responsibility says he won’t fail. He never undertakes new ventures with the expectation to not accomplish his objective. His determination says he will be trying hard not to fail. His character strengthens his interest. Her likeability and his loyalty reinforce his uplifting morale. He tackles it exactly the same way he takes on a new task to achieve; finish the job and do it well.

Without her even trying to win him over with special love efforts, once he decides she’s the one, then she gets him and all that comes with him. It’s much more than emotional connections; it’s his devoting heart and mind to prospective wife and children. His marriage takes first priority for keeping his life together, and she’s exactly the one he wants to manage successfully those things for which he lacks ability or interest.

And that, dear ladies, has led me to the conclusion that the main purpose of marriage is to energize a man’s true love more than lock him down legally.

Inside of marriage, however, a man commits to sharing himself totally with a wife—but it doesn’t always appear that way to her and that’s where women go astray or just wrong. She expects more than he seems to deliver. He’s more passive, because he’s satisfied that he committed himself to live with her without turning himself into a different man. As a man, he’s not too interested into initiating special attention and affection as women do.

She expects a husband to help fulfill her dreams; he expects to continue as before but in a different environment, that is, in their home. He anticipates no problems, or he would not have committed himself to living with her.

Love is never enough because men don’t add emotional connections to a relationship or marriage. They indirectly add their body and soul to the marriage more than to her. Oh, we call it love, because women insist on hearing it called that and expect to be shown attention, appreciation, and affection as women show it. But it’s a whole lot more than female love.

In how they view and exchange regard for each other, respect is to men what love is to women. In how they relate in marriage, responsibility and dedication to the marriage is to men what love is to women. We all understand the female side of marital relations, but you see the male side here for the first time in what should be seen as glory.

When a man marries, he doesn’t bring female style-love with him; he brings manly style ‘love’—himself in all the self-glory he can muster to pump up his willingness to satisfy himself for doing the right thing.

Wives lose husbands this way. He’s all into their marriage as he anticipated it, and into her as she was when he proposed. IOW, he expects little else, because he expects his proposal judgment to be infallible and no problems injecting his lifestyle into the new marital arrangement.

OTOH, she’s already busy figuring out how to change herself, marriage, and him to better fit her girlhood or fiancée hopes and dreams. She changes his future before he gets used to living with her in his new present-day arrangement. It’s not the road to success as couple.

In the end, a man’s love may lack affection but is loaded with dedication, may lack female expressions of love but is loaded with sense of responsibility, may lack interpersonal attention but is loaded with masculine desire to succeed in marriage. He may even ignore her and how well she manages their relationship in the sure certainty and knowledge that she enables him to succeed as husband.

Thus, the primary purpose of the marriage ceremony is to get the groom hardwired into exposing his true love. Her love isn’t enough; it takes his commitment of self and investment of his interest to engineer and accomplish success within their marriage.

——

NATURAL LAW: A woman’s love arises out of her self-love, plenty of which she was born with, and she spreads it liberally. A man’s respect arises out of his self-respect, plenty of which he was born with, but he insists that his respect be earned.

8 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, marriage, sex differences

8 responses to “2844. Love is Never Enough — 12: Men Love Differently

  1. Aidos

    “I declare that a man’s true love exists only when he decides to propose; it’s the only time he puts everything together in his heart and mind and decides that he will commit himself to one woman for a life together.”

    This is extremely helpful to know – thank you!

  2. Femme

    This is so powerful…Seen from this perspective female love may be more intense but it can also change easily.
    I never thought of male true love in this way. But what about shack up Sir Guy?
    I have a feeling you’re going to rebuff me for this question but you said it’s not about tying the man down legally.
    So what’s the difference between marriage and a situation when a couple live unmarried for many years as if they were married? (From the man’s perspective).

    Your Highness Femme,

    Shack up is opportunity, marriage is commitment.

    Opportunity applies no pressure for a man to determine if his love is true, if his commitment is permanent. He only has to be involved enough to venture forward.

    Marriage forces a man to decide if his love is sincere enough to keep him tied to her. If his commitment to live with her is worth what he gives up.

    Guy

    • CartieB

      Can’t wait to hear what Guy has to say too Femme! I imagine he’ll say a guy doesn’t give all of himself like he would if he proposed marriage when you shack up because it isn’t real commitment. However, I wonder though if the situation is different if the guy is devoted to the woman due to love at first sight.

      Your Highness CartieB,
      In the case of a man falling for a woman at first sight, it’s a bigger opportunity. I think he would be more eager to shack up but would likely go through the same self-analysis before marriage.
      Guy

    • Femme

      Iow, Sir Guy, if I understand correctly, 1) if a man shacks up he still leaves a door open to get out relatively easily if necessary and perhaps doesn’t even consider himself to be in an exclusive relationship?
      There are loads of women out there who think that if they live with a man and he sees how great they are it will help him commit sooner or later. And some guys do get married after a shack up situation. 2) So maybe in some cases it works?
      I had a FB discussion once and this one woman actually said marriage is just a worthless piece of paper and what really matters is the quality of the relationship…and marriage certificate doesn’t help achieve that.
      3) Is this female think? Because I was quite shocked to hear it from a woman – it wouldn’t be so weird if it came from a man.

      Your Highness Femme,
      I numbered your questions and respond accordingly.
      1) True
      2) True
      3) True, more accurately, feminist-think
      Guy

  3. Kristi

    I love this post!
    Their dedication and steadfast action are one of the reasons I admire men. The process of logically making decisions makes the male mind utterly fascinating. I have been around a number of potential suitors who talk to me but never move to ask me out. What goes into the decision of a man asking a woman out for a date? Are there any hints I can make to signal my interest? I sometimes wonder if my quiet nature may be part of it. Any help you can offer is greatly appreciated.

    Your Highness Kristi,

    Welcome aboard. I love it when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    You may have to fake it a little to get started, but show more disinterest in particular guys. Indirectly let them know they are not the hot shots they think they are. That you have another view of what a good man looks like, not hot but good.

    In the meantime, make yourself more attractive on a routine basis. As hunter-conquerors, men want to catch whatever attracts them, want most of all what they cannot have, and believe what they figure out. So, be more closed mouth about yourself. Stimulate those around you to want to find out just who and what the more attractive woman is that you have become today and tomorrow. See today’s article at HOME page, 2847, for more details.
    Guy

    • Kristi

      Thank you for the article.
      Every day I dress nicely and put makeup on when I go out. Yet I am always looking to improve my appearance so I will definitely take that into consideration.
      Here is some detail on my experience. I go to a meetup group and one of the men that lead the discussions is very thoughtful. He knows that I am in college, and likes to ask me how my classes are going. He has already finished college, but I am not sure what his age is. I guess he is probably in his 30’s, and I am 28.
      At one meetup, he bought me a coffee before sitting down. Another one he walked me out to my bus stop and offered to help me with creating a meetup discussion for me to lead. He even messaged me on the meetup app to share some information I may be interested in like economics, and nutrition.
      I am very timid around him, but I am slowly getting more comfortable in our interactions. We usually end up talking about societal issues, and politics. How do you think I am doing? I had a sheltered upbringing, so I don’t have much experience with men outside of my family. Can you give me some insight on his point of view? If you need more information let me know.

      Your Highness Kristi,
      I think you’re doing great. He’s figuring out just who and what you are and how you may or may not fit into his life. Keep going! You’re right on track. It takes time for men to move out of their comfort zone; some have to work their way out and your guy may be that kind.
      Guy

      • Kristi

        Sir Guy,
        Your help and wisdom are much appreciated. I have posted on here before and your statement action is the cure for depression is spot on. My grandmother had that same mindset which I have sadly forgotten. The traditions and “old school” thinking behind them are sorely lacking in modern society. Please continue your endeavors, and I will continue on my journey to femininity🌻

        Your Highness Kristi,
        A gal’s journey to femininity can be a glorious exposure of the female nature. Wish I could observe it more closely. Good luck.
        Guy

  4. Michael

    Sir Guy
    As a Man, I would agree with the way you have describe the male nature. We become dedicated in both heart and mind and find great joy in giving or serving. Men love differently as a duty, with great pride in their soul or spirit. Thank you for the encouragement and the thoughtfulness in writing such a clear picture to both men and women. I appreciate your insight! It has help me be a better man.

    Michael

    Sir Michael,

    Welcome aboard. I love it when another man joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    You’re kind of rare these days. Most people object to becoming a better man or woman.

    Guy

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