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2668. Superior vs. Dominant Gender — 01


I sense a rant coming on. When sex is everything, no room exists for recovery. Example, what does relationship recovery look like for women today? We are six or seven sub-generations* deep into Feminism. Is it paying off for women in their relationships with men?

Modern women don’t know jack about Jack and not enough about Jill. The sexes are born very different, yet cultural and political trending add constant pressure for them to be more alike. Unisex is no longer a popular term, but the pressure to achieve it is certainly common. (Toilets according to personal preference?)

Women routinely let a man’s sexual pleasure—and perhaps some claimed by her—to substitute for what they can no longer get reliably out of one man. Examples: brighter future for her, permanent relationship, mutual respect, mutual love, likeability based on persona rather than sexual compatibility, sexual fidelity, his duty to stay following a surprise pregnancy, fulfilled moral obligations, dependence on him, two-parent home, fathering their children, he provides and protects, family leadership, lifetime marriage. Oh, she might get a few of those, but her nature craves all of those benefits to be available with one man in her life.

Women can’t get what they want out of players and modern men, unless they agree that sex is everything or at least enough. Men don’t have much more to offer, because they don’t have too. Women are too liberal with their expectations about men. They can’t get their way except temporarily by yielding, can’t get what they expect to get except as they play the man’s game of cheap and easy sex. They rationalize that it’s enough in order to have their own man or avoid being dumped. They also swallow their pride, self-respect, and ability to negotiate for a better life for her and her kids.

Women themselves destroy the worth of their natural superiority at virtually no cost to men. No negotiations about obligations; just give aways that enable men to always win in the present but women lose for their future. Men by nature manage the present but ignore the future; they can handle whatever comes, which in itself—if not influenced by a well-loved woman—is enough to ruin a woman’s future.

Both sexes are born to get their way associating with other people. Jill straddles the wave of sexual freedom with legs spread, while Jack enjoys the greatest unobligated pleasures. Jack keeps promoting endless sex by endorsing political propaganda, media culture, and masculine habits of dealing with conquered females as disposables. Women fall for it, and men and women become enemies pretty much as planned by radical feminists and political revolutionaries more than half a century ago.

Women destroy their superior ability by favoring male dominance. They lower themselves to the level of men for the pleasure of sex and thereby lift responsibility from men to help care for their offspring. Men will keep forever the lid on that jar of life.

Only the crossing of female legs outside of marriage can restore a woman-governed society as once existed in America. Only marriage-obligated sex can recover manly respect of females, enable femininity to overpower feminist thought, enable men to appreciate ruling the marriage and family while wife runs both, and make it happen by utilizing the natural superiority of the female sex.

We are all born to get our way with others, which means that competition is the lifeblood of human interaction. Calm and peaceful competition depends on mutual respect, each gender for the other. Those days are long past; single men have virtually no respect for females, as evidenced by both the habits and growing popularity of players. Other men may have some respect left. Of course, if men are blamed, they claim that women are respected, but it’s a dumbed-down version caused by women not standing up for themselves.

Men get their way by out-competing other men, but they rely on the threat of—men have little else—physicality to dominate females. Women get their way by competing with women. They are well-born to outwit, outsmart, and outmaneuver men. But they are highly restricted, if they don’t use their physicality of crossed legs to capture and win sincere obligations by one man who chooses her as his.

Women have sexual assets that men will pay to access. If men don’t have to pay much, they can orbit through and around the female neighborhood satisfying manly urges with freedom. Hit and miss but never left out in the cold of female disapproval for not trying hard enough, for not meeting female values, standards, and expectations.

Unattractive women have less hope of capturing a man; their female sisters keep most of the men occupied and satisfied. With sex on his mind all the time, such as with players, only attractive dolls fit the bill. Gals with more than sex to offer don’t come into view, aren’t noticed, and are not observed long enough for their qualities to be admired, virtues uncovered, and for men to learn that sex isn’t everything.

Women are superior except when they forego or forget their strengths in order to have temporary boyfriend, husband, lover, ex, or just be popular. It enables men to exploit their dominance without competition. Women no longer get their way, unless its by endorsing the man’s game of sexual freedom.

——

*I count a sub-generation as six or seven years, because that’s how often boys and girls separate themselves from the previous generation with their choices in toys, music, apparel, habits, taste, chit-chat, preference to associate with peers, and adolescent openness with their unique personal bias. As adults, each sub-generation has its own hard-to-distinguish identity, but the latest is deeper into Feminism than previous ones.

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2601. Who is Responsible for Marital Success? Chapter 11


EDITOR’S NOTE: Recalling what I am grateful for, I thought of each of you readers. You fill my life with endless intelligence, interest, and feminine liveliness that often turns to sassy I love to see in women. Thank you.

Hank loves to count and recount when his mind is in turmoil; it keeps thoughts in line. First, he decides he will marry Jenny [2599]. Second, he plans out his premarital negotiations with her [2600]. Third, he plans to tell her of his dedication to marriage, what marriage will be like under his tutelage. Not to match or outdo her ‘champagne eloquence’ [2597], but to reassure her that he is a good catch, that he knows how to be a good husband and possesses the talent, skill, and motivation to brighten their future together.

As last event of the weekend retreat, he prepares to tell her how he will seal their marital deal. He decides to write it out, recite it to her, and then give her a copy to show their grandkids how marriage ought to be approached. He is proud before he starts; his thoughts already aligned with his heart. He begins to write.

Jenny, my darling. About ready to set you down on a honey-coated, platinum ship of marital bliss that borders on paradise, I must confess. Oh, not to anything either of us has done wrong. But to express the pleasure of earning you for my mate. For so long, I didn’t know what you had to witness in my motivation and behavior.

After neutralizing my conqueror’s plan with your titty remark, over champagne you confessed dedication to yourself. I was enlightened. I almost proposed right there and then. Thankfully, my heart was not quite in it.

I say thankfully, because what follows here converts the makings of a temporary into a permanent marriage. An earlier proposal would perhaps have short circuited our relationship before too many years together. Why? If surprised, you would not like my leadership; you need to know what to expect before we wed.

Ross Perot coined this motto. Up front, blunt, and candid when you deal with customers and employees. I remind myself to use it.

You can have the wedding as yours and your mother’s to arrange. However, I will be responsible for our marriage. So, what does that mean?

Marriage is generally called an institution. Actually, it’s a set of necessary functions—the promises, obligations, and vows that couples make. Those functions guide individuals silently, subconsciously, and usually in background mode. If adhered to properly, they can hold a couple together as ‘us’. If not, couples too easily separate emotionally and perhaps physically.

But good intentions—made earlier in the throes of exciting and romance-loaded moments—don’t remain all that stable after months or years of living together. Two individuals with very different personalities, emotional makeup, and personal agendas have to labor hard to remain permanently attached with mutual self-interest.

Antagonist pressures arise far too easily, and love can’t overcome all of it. Actually, love is never enough, and that is why I accept responsibility. If I’m responsible, I can match your determination. I don’t ever accept responsibility with any expectation that I will fail.

More of what I mean is this. Only you, me, or we can work against our marital interests. We need a leader to prevent it. I accept full responsibility to guard, hold together, and ensure that the mass of marriage values, standards, and expectations works to help us find and live by mutual self-interest.

Fulfilling my responsibility, however, may not be to your liking simply because of the impression it gives in the big picture. You and I function as subordinates of our marriage. What does that mean?

We don’t drive our marriage, it drives us. It’s the principle up to which we live rather than trash it in response to emotional upheavals. It pressures us to deal with our mate as respectable; to make our mate deserving of best attentions and considerations; to toe the line of fidelity; and otherwise hold each other up as the epitome of a person, friend, lover, and spouse.

We fall back on the purpose and blessing of marital obligations to calm our emotional disturbances. More important than either of us, in god-like fashion, commitment to marriage first commands us to do much better than we ever thought we could, that we exceed ourselves to do our immediate best to recover from emotional disturbances or financial shortages. As matter of habit, we expect to always yield to the principle of marriage first and me, you, and us second. It’s a rung on the ladder, an interim step of living up to God.

I am responsible to see it happen that way, so I may from time to time have to remind you that your expectations may be contradictory to marital comfort. The same applies to you. I may be responsible, but I can cause marital discomfort perhaps better than you.

When I am responsible for anything, I refuse to fail. As of now, I dedicate that habit to our marriage. It presumes and I prioritize our lives this way. You and I are subordinate to marriage; personal expectations are subordinate to domestic tranquility; child raising is subordinate to our marriage.

Wives often presume to carry the burden of sustaining marriage; they have most to lose. But in today’s marital marketplace they don’t seem to be doing well. It happens because the wrong spouse is in charge. So, from the get-go let me unburden you from being responsible to see that we stay together.

You need only face up to four tasks. Remain my ideal of a great woman, develop yourself into the ideal wife for me, prepare and become the ideal mother for our children, keep me indirectly informed when I add strain to our marriage. I will do my best to be the ideal husband for you and father for kids. If and when I say nothing contrary, you are ideal. You work primarily through relationship management, and I will work primarily to hold our lives together as a one-unit family. (You and I both know that last clause exaggerates; your contributions are vital.)

All of the above brings me to the most important part. We can’t avoid disputes or hold unbecoming opinions of each other. Minor in the overall passage of time, they still should not be verbalized. We can avoid fault finding, criticism, and blaming each other, and we should do it by converting complaints and blame into offenses contrary to the marriage covenant and not us personally.

I will fulfill my responsibility when we both identify our differences as neither personal nor in immediate need of correction, but rather as undesired actions and attitudes contrary to marital harmony. Mostly, you will be responsible in the home and I outside the home and overall.

Does that sound like a doable to you? Offended? Can you subordinate yourself and emotional stability to the supreme role of our marriage? I pledge it as my intent for life, and God-willing, you will also.

And now, my dear Jenny, with true love flooding my heart, I repeat my proposal differently. Will you marry me—but this time for life?

With the sincerity that arises out of great respect,

Hank

——

[FOR BLOG READERS: Anticipating many inquiries, here are a few examples of focusing on the marriage instead of wife’s hurts or husband’s faults. These examples avoid DIRECT accusations and blame. Marital success comes from lack of blame and other and perhaps smaller irritants that offend a man or hurt a woman. The examples may not be the best, but they exemplify the offended party rephrasing conclusions and opinions so as not to emotionally disturb themselves or the offender.

Hank provides these examples. They shift responsibility for corrective action into the hands of he offender without adding offense. Questions, unless too pointed, seldom offend men but women are much more sensitive. Inquire and then move on to something else; leave the thought behind for later consideration.

Hank speaks as if teaching:

  • I am repeatedly late for dinner without calling ahead. After a few times, you ask me: Is your consideration of my time and responsibility producing any strains on our marriage? And then, if you please, move on to something else.
  • You see me flirting and inquire. She’s a pretty woman and probably deserves a good man; does she fit into your interests for our marriage? And then, if you please, move on to something else.
  • After I swill too much beer watching football, you ask: Honey, do you prefer beer over lovemaking? I know you can do both, but do you think lack of intimacy for me adds stress to our marriage? And then, if you please, move on to something else.
  • After you refuse me sex three days in a row, I inquire: Are you sick, honey? Should you see a doctor? I can’t afford to lose you, you know. And then, if you please, move on to something else.

Spouses can thus refer offensive behavior toward later resolution and for the sake of marriage. It works better than blaming and expecting the other to change to accommodate expectations or for the sake of changing one’s behavior to please the other.]

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2593. Who is Responsible for Marital Success? Chapter 5


Hank qualifies for fourth date. He’s anxious to get hands on body, but he figures her premature and unexplained ending of their third date was caused by his venturing hand moving too close to her breast. What’s wrong with her? She has been married, so he thought she would welcome it. But he went too far too fast, or so he concludes. Or was it something else? Caution prevails tonight, as he warns himself.

He thinks of stretching what she will tolerate by using passionate kisses and whispers in her ear and then moving slowly to other erogenous zones. Then, he thinks better of it. Let him stir passion until she reveals super desire. Will it work? She may not ever become that desirous of him. Probably not, because his patience tends to vaporize with her in his arms, and he might again overstep her boundaries.  Groin urges can destroy best intentions.

Keeping his hands in proper places, his fourth farewell kiss goes better. She welcomes it. He leaves her enthralled with his calm manner, gentle handling, and sweet words. She offers no rewards or encouragement except several pleasant smiles. Seems to have a good time, and she especially loves his holding her close. But desirous of him? Nope! No signs!

More perplexing than that, and good as the date is, Hank puzzles over a small response of hers. Misunderstanding one point she makes and thinking back on previous dates, he—atypical of a man—becomes defensive and asks, “Have I ever or do I offend you now? You just now flinched, seemed to pull back, and acted restrained, as if you want to end this date. Hopefully, I’m misreading you. I don’t want to displease or not please you, and I sure don’t want you to think my interest in you has diminished in the least.”

Eagerly accepting the early signs that his devotion may be developing, she quickly responds. “No, you have not. You’re quick and easy to please me, and I like it.”

Also embarrassed, Jenny wants to offer more. Reading What Women Never Hear yesterday, she drew this conclusion. Life is processes, actions follow effects more reliably than effects follow actions.

A woman earns a man with respect that morphs into admiration that makes him both likeable and trustful. A man earns a woman with admiration that morphs into respect, then grows with her likeability to become trust. It takes far more time for those processes to develop within men than women. Without a long time associating successfully, each effect may not develop, and the trust may not form.

Her mind also flashes from respect to trust, and how trust feeds on respect and vice versa. It all seems so natural and works well in their relationship, albeit serendipitously. However, she remains quiet about it. Her thoughts are to him much less relevant than after she earns his significant respect. Much like ‘full disclosure’ is ill-advised, and fourth date isn’t the time.

Jenny continues her recovery with this. “I’m sorry, but my mind wandered at something you said. I did not take offense but was preoccupied remembering something that impressed me the other day. In a relationship such as we are developing, ‘As one becomes more admiring and respectful of the other, it spreads the seeds of worth, waters the roots of likeability, and sprouts the connective energies of trust and love’. See what I mean? I know you laugh or snicker, but I’m such a romantic.

In bed that night, Jenny recounts her success at keeping sex out of the limelight. She pats herself on the back for prematurely ending the third date, just because he got too close to her breast. Slight invasion of her privacy prompts good decision. She read his intention and stopped it without causing offense; just enough initiative that he got her message. It confirms something else she recently learned, men believe what they figure out much better than what they are told.

She fights insomnia for awhile as she figures what he will try next. How can she thwart his effort innocently or peacefully enough that he accepts her way instead of his hitting the highway? What warning signals can she give to thwart him before he acts? How to get him to figure her out without her having to tell him?

On the whole subject of sex, she dreams continually of how to discourage his initiatives rather than have to say ‘no’ or ‘stop’. Using those words will have to come later, but the later the better; hopefully after her hook has been set and she has captured him for a lengthy courtship.

She fades into sleep with: He’s such a good man and getting more perfect with each date, of which tomorrow is the fifth and….

 

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2591. Who is Responsible for Marital Success? Chapter 3


Still recalling courtship memories on the way home after his proposal to Jenny, anxiety about their early relationship rattles Hank emotionally. It begins as he revisits the end of their first date. But now, explaining how he should have handled it differently to the steering wheel, discomfort again rocks his thoughts. Turmoil settles in his stomach as he recalls delivering Jenny to her door.

Looking to recover from a poor date with compliments and a nice kiss, he instead is devastated by the unexpected. She avoids the kiss with, “You have a lot of potential, but next time I hope you keep the subject of sex off the table. Good night!” which fades behind her as she enters.

Her directness shatters his confidence. What did I do wrong? What if I screw up again? Where do I go from here? Hell, sex is what life is all about. Will she possibly be more specific? What do I have to change? She seems to be saying I should shape up or ship out. What if I don’t want to ship out, so how do I shape up? Or maybe I should just dump her now! But he knows it’s not an option, just a quirky thought.

Later, his sleep habits duplicate the stomach disorder he experiences at thoughts of her. Anticipating next time with her is not an easy thing to handle. He doesn’t know what to do. What will work? What is right with her? What does she expect but I do wrong? He puts a sign on his bathroom mirror: How Do I Talk to Jenny? A day later he adds, Jenny, what does it take?

Forgetting his own signs, on second date he decides to go bold, to tough it out to his satisfaction. If not good enough for her, she may not be good enough for him except for sex. After hinting that they may not be all that good as a couple, she responds with, “Okay, as you wish. I have been kind of worried about us too.”

His bluff called, he works the date into a comfortable success. Probably too long-winded, but his descriptions of various successes lay groundwork about his potential and hints about her presence in his future. She likes to listen, and he interprets it as approval.

Several times he inquires about details of her life. Frustrated at her resistance to disclosing who she is or was in the past, he flirts with the subject of her history with men. No mention of sex but he flits around the periphery. Never directly but on the edge, indirectly.

Being an expert in indirectness, Jenny mistakes his speechifying for the skill that he normally doesn’t use. However, she recognizes his intentions, adroitly dodges his interest, and provides only the least revealing details. Almost undetectable, she shifts him back into the mainstream of their conversation. As she redirects his interests, he redirects his intentions. Thus, she teaches him the wisdom of seeing things her way, and he learns to please himself by pleasing her. It’s a subtle change in him, but he fails to recognize it.

He invests himself by impressing her. He fails to realize that she seeks much more information to help with her self-development as date and potential mate, with their relationship development as a couple, and with his suitability as potential mate. She worries about wasting time with the wrong guy; she has so little to waste.

She continually judges his character and potential for her future. Seeing sincerity, visualizing honesty, and imagining integrity, she decides to accept his invitation to a third date. He seems worth the risk, plus he’s fun to be with. He is moving toward her expectation that he’s good enough, but she restrains herself. Is he real? Steady? Dependable? Trustworthy? Capable of proving his worth to earn her devotion? Still so much to learn about what a future together would be like. Is he yet becoming devoted?

At the door when he for the second time goes for the much anticipated kiss, she turns her cheek to receive it. Then Jenny explains to Hank, “Men are never more handsome than when they treat a woman as a lady. Good night” and leaves him standing amid more confusion about his ability to woo this highly desirable woman.

He ponders more deeply. Was that a thank you? It must be. She agrees to next date. Handsome? Me? Naw! But it sounds classy coming from her. Her disposition is beginning to be mysterious and leaning toward fascination. She has an end-of-date style that sure slows me down, but it is charming except that sex—and even kisses—remain pushed to the sideline. We have fun dates, but what was that kiss on the cheek all about? I was ready to plant a big one on her, but she dodged it. Next time, it will be different. It calls for charm.

After third date, expecting some surprise like before, the good night kiss comes easily, as if he deserves it. She cooperates very little, however. Not dead but not too alive either. Having missed out on two goodnight kisses and being anxiety-ridden between dates, his passion stirs but hers isn’t detectable. Just a friendly good night kiss, except his hand moves too close to her breast. She politely breaks off and mumbles “Good night.” He wonders, how can women be so neutral about something with so much potential pleasure? Or is it me?

Women are passionate beings; why not her? Am I dating a cold fish? Not revealed to him, she thinks that as long as she controls the passion agenda, he wants more and has to return to find it. As she expects, more dates follow. Jenny has learned how to keep his interest up and sweeps him into her net as he invites her for date number four ….

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2579. More Tips for Women — 13


Since everything and everybody else claim the rest of a woman’s day, her morning preparation time belongs to her exclusively. Her pretty-time ritual —especially at the mirror—elevates her spirit of getting her way. It simultaneously protects and arms her to handle upcoming tribulations. She thus achieves better control one day at a time. When repeated every day, her gratefulness escalates for who she is and what she can do. It also helps prevent depression. (I suggest further study at post 806 and the series that begins at 2123.)

My thanks to Ari, who reminded me of this subject. One new or expanded habit can do a makeover in the hearts and minds of women frustrated with their world and with those around them.

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2526. Tips for Women — I


  1. Think and act about giving, and you’ll learn the rewards of giving.
  2. Think and act as if you’re grateful and it will return to you as self-importance; you can’t convince others with your words.
  3. Think and act as if men are important, by listening to their self-satisfying talk aimed at convincing you of their importance to you.
  4. Think and act admirably, and others will duplicate your examples.
  5. Think and act as a person to trust, and observe how others become trustful and trustworthy.
  6. Think and act as an attractive female, and you’ll grow into the role.
  7. Think and act as if men are intelligent, and they will get smarter.
  8. Think and act as if men should not make themselves worthy of you, and they won’t.
  9. Think and act as if you’re irresistible, and men will upgrade themselves to your standards and expectations.
  10. Think and act as if you’re sexually unconquerable, and men will find you irresistible.

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2508. Exotic vs. ‘Girl Next Door’ (Revisited)


NOTE: The following is the blog’s most popular article, first posted in February 2012. Thought you might find it interesting. To add clarity, exotic is a unique female and erotic is a women focused on sex. The exotic can be anyone other than the girl next door too.

——

If you recall, this blog focuses on the basic nature of men and women before morality, religion, race, ethnicity, and personal values and emotions become involved. Readers question the appeal to men of exotic and ‘the girl next door’.

Men first judge with their eyes. Exotic appears strikingly different. The girl next door looks very familiar. What predominately appeals to men— the familiar or the different? Actually, they’re apples and oranges not to be compared but just described.

THE ‘GIRL NEXT DOOR’

  1. The girl next door is not 5’5”, white, blonde, blue eyed, and freckled. She’s normal, feminine or tomboy, and mainstream. But, she’s just visible to the boy next door until her female prettiness starts to shine in his face late in adolescence. Perception is reality and whatever appears to be, is. She grew pretty enough over the time that he knew her.
  2. She’s friendly and easy to know, feminine, unlike other girls, and so unique that after the neighbor boy’s hormone hurricane moderates somewhat late in his teens, she takes on a mature air of invincibility he hadn’t seen before. Her previous independence has mellowed such that he becomes far more interested in her as woman than as friend. Her heart and mind now outshine her external attractiveness.
  3. Factually, it’s not a girl but a process. It’s the lengthy but accidental development. Kind of like an offline relationship. Men and women do it too. Accidentally brought together, both grow over time until they accept the other’s faults as far less important than their appealing virtues, i.e., they qualify to take it online.
  4. Women use the erotic archetype to excuse their lack of feminine diligence for looking pretty, acting feminine, mastering an intriguing smile, fostering good relationships with men of little or no interest to them, and otherwise improving their chances for capturing and marrying a man. They consider their situation as needful of erotic symbols instead of as a process, and it leads them to fool themselves.
  5. Don’t blame guys for falling for the girl next door. It could be you. To be like the gal next door, learn to develop and harmonize a deeper relationship with a friend, guy next door, or someone else to whom you are accidentally exposed. It’s the process more than the girl.

EXOTIC OR EROTIC

A strikingly unique woman appeals to men either as newfound beauty, sex object, or both. Consequently, exotic women are the same as others; they just have something different. What they do with the difference shapes their lives. Since they can’t be separated, newfound beauty and sex appeal morph in men’s eyes from exotic to erotic. So let’s shift to that.

  • Erotic features are merely that. Features! Hips or lips, breasts or buns. They all have appeal. Whether to embellish them or not, that’s the question. Erotic works to objectify a woman for sex. Exploit it and attract players. However, whatever suggests sex is much less attractive to the Marrying Man; he looks for something else, and a unique version of female beauty satisfies best.
  • Generally, the more obvious a woman tries to exploit her erotic features, the less interesting she looks for much beyond sex. Furthermore, observers may or may not see the eroticism intended and may or may not even be interested. Let’s face it; a truly erotic appearing woman is definitely not mainstream. Men do, however, mostly stay married to mainstream gals. So, it’s another disadvantage. Erotic-appearing women don’t appear as particularly good candidates for marriage, at least on the surface.
  • So, ladies, think of erotic features as more neutral than usable. To use such features to your advantage, don’t emphasize them; downplay them with feminine subtlety and female modesty. Use them to generate curiosity. Men transmute their curiosity into imagination and use it to take the full measure of you. If you have some exotic feature(s), it holds little value beyond what it symbolizes in either your or some man’s imagination. (It was on another subject but it applies here: Einstein said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”)
  • After all, what role does an erotic appearance play for a man once he closes his eyes, such as in bed, such as in marriage, such as when he dumps you?

Exotic women improve their chances of attracting the Marrying Man if they downplay eroticism and encourage men to get to know them personally. That is, minimize the erotic, emphasize the exotic, and appear more feminine and unique than just a different female. Align those features more closely and you compete better with mainstream women, for they are your competitors for a man. Erotic women compete with men for sex, so they can do as well as other women and not be left sitting on the sidelines.

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