Category Archives: courtship

2813. IT’S ALL RELATIVE


The purpose of money is your convenience. The purpose of a job is earning your money. Convenience makes appointments and job obligations easier to fulfill.

The clock enables you to schedule your life reliably and teach others to rely on you. By doing so, others make their lives easier and as reliable as you try to make yours.

The result of national wealth is prosperity at your level. Wealth builds as we become more productive creatures; that is, by increasing productivity, aka more output per individual in producing something of value to another. The more that personal schedules fail to provide convenience to others, the less convenient their schedules. The less convenient our schedules, the less productive we become, the less wealth grows, and the less prosperity is available and convenient in home and wallet.

OTOH, as productivity declines, wealth shrinks and causes prosperity to decline. It causes jobs to shrink in number and family budgets to shrink, which reduces the convenience available to couples. It’s another cost to our prosperity induced by Feminism and continued by women grown sloppy in their habits of making and sticking religiously to their own schedules and those of others. Who suffers the most from reduced prosperity? Women and children!

A female habit developed over the past few decades, gained new intensity from the pressures of social media. It now spreads as toxic fumes for business by the Millennial generation. Women have trouble departing whomever they are with at any given moment. As if magnetized, present associates rank higher than those to whom they’re obligated next in their schedule. Tardy for work or appointments is epidemic, and disrespect of others parallels it with equal intensity.

Gals can’t depart present-moment associates—connected by either face or phone—to keep appointments or get to work on time. In the name of children, family, health, accidents, and traffic, any disruption to the lives of others is deemed excusable. Alibis and excuses flourish, and women waste their imaginative talent for lies and distortions.

Being tardy or absent delivers disrespect for others; it inconveniences them to make things convenient for you. However you minimize or deny it, your inconsiderate disruption of their thoughts and schedules generates need for them to adjust, and it sponges them with your disrespect for whatever role they fill in your life.

Women expect tardiness or absence to be excused by good intentions for child care, stable alibis such as monthly period, and routine excuses such as traffic. Unrevealed is lost time deeply involved in social media, where the clock can and is likely disregarded.

Women think all is well, if they fully explain themselves. They expect to be forgiven for the disrespect they show those to whom they don’t show as scheduled. To avoid being called hypocrites, Womanhood sticks together. They don’t judge others who do the same things, and women expect someone else to pay the cost of the convenience they gain with tardiness or absence.

Consequently, the epidemic spreads contagiously because no one treats the disease. Personal convenience comes at the cost of others. It’s much easier for women than men to accept such undeserved gifts.

The bellwether of national wealth fades. IOW productivity declines and wealth shrinks. As wealth shrinks, prosperity declines. As prosperity declines, jobs shrink in number and family budgets shrink in convenience. It’s another cost to our prosperity induced by women and Feminism. Who suffers the most from reduced prosperity? Women and children.

Being tardy or absent delivers disrespect for others; it inconveniences them to make things convenient for you. However you minimize or deny it, your inconsiderate disruption of their thoughts and schedules generates need for them to adjust, and it sponges them with disrespect for whatever role they fill in your life.

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Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, guy, How she loses, Sociology 101, The mind

2812. A Special Recap for an Upcoming Bride: Sex Drive


Her Highness CartieB, with questions at post 2808, inspired this series in four-parts: compatible, purpose, love, and sex — i.e., posts 2809-2812.

SEX DRIVE. The sexes are generally born as described below. However, individuals modify and intensify their lives variously by lessons learned growing up, sometimes to the point of losing their sexual identity.

Both sexes are born to get their way associating with others. Women are born to recognize very early in life that they have a valuable birthright that men will honor when a woman respects herself deliberately, sufficiently, and defensively against penile penetration the first time. The longer she delays it with each man, the more respect she earns, and more respect fuels a man’s love and devotion.

That birthright difference enables women to get their way with men who are stronger, dominant, and intent on conquest. Discretion to participate sexually belongs to each woman, and she’s adequately prepared from birth to both earn and capitalize on success.

Her side of the “when to yield” puzzle looks like this. Five natural motivational forces energize sex in the woman’s world:

  1. Born with a physiological urge to nurture, it triggers the urge to procreate.
  2. She has a psychological imperative to assuage the wants of herself or needs of someone else that stimulate her to copulate.
  3. Possessing a primal need of self-importance, it ignites ambitions to outdo and outshine other women as a candidate for mating. (She empowers herself by negotiating sex such that she earns her own uniqueness and the respect of men or man; the latter enables development of a man’s love and devotion.)
  4. She comprehends the worth of sexually yielding to each man, especially the uniqueness and value of their first sexual encounter together. (Her primal acceptability of conquest earns a man the privilege that she cooperate with him and his ambitions.)
  5. She needs intimacy, and it is a prime motivator for yielding. Her nature craves it; she can almost never get enough. Especially when her spirits are down, which is quite often. (Intimate touching, fondling, caressing, and sweet words to enhance body closeness fuel a woman’s willingness, desire, and free will, which makes it easier to continue deeper into the process that pleases her, her partner, or to even make unanticipated mistakes.)

Those natural female interests enable women to recognize the male sex drive as different. She sees men energized more urgently, much harder to satisfy in quantity, and more easily satisfied in quality. Such perception empowers women to utilize sex for bonding, generating compatibility, and competing with other women. (Neither promiscuity nor orgasmic pleasure are natural motivators for the female gender. Both arise from lessons learned in life and are often used to override the five hormonal urges cited above.)

Primal motivational urges energize five versions of the male sex drive. These bring sex proactively into a man’s world:

  1. His interest in sex brings females onto the playing field.
  2. He has a life-long physiological urge to copulate with every female he finds attractive. He’s willing to pay a very high price but only to conquer and not for more. The more attractive she is to him, the higher the price he will pay for conquest only. Sex does not bond him, but conquest separates women into two classes. (To willingly and assertively pay the ultimate price of his freedom, he needs more; sex isn’t enough. He seeks the right woman who satisfies him with himself and he identifies as unique, feminine, and so virtuous not even he can achieve penetration the first time. IOW, she’s so hard to get, all his competitor males must also have missed out.)
  3. He has an instinctive and competitive urge to outdo and outshine other men. In response, he seeks to conquer women that other men can’t, enable bragging rights by doing so, and add boaster’s value to virginity.
  4. He possesses a steadfast and competitive ambition for frequent and convenient access to sex, for which he’s willing to pay the ultimate price. If, that is, he figures he can satisfy himself living with her better than living by himself or someone else.
  5. He has an instinctive craving to do something pleasurable with each erection, and instinct pushes him toward penile penetration of a vagina. (Penetration completes his conquest. Beyond his penetration and for subsequent sexual events, however, he’s just another sexual performer—good, poor, wasteful, selfish, indifferent. Orgasm is not a prime motivator of men. Pleasurable and rewarding, yes, but not a driving force until it is about to arrive as expected in a moment of orgiastic glory after penetration and as the result of his self-acknowledged excellent performance up to that moment.)

Those primal sex urges combine to make men compete with other males for females and compete with females for conquest—but for little else afterward with conquered women. After conquest, a man expects cooperation and thus refuses to compete; he will find a way out or avoid competing with a conquered woman.

Why? Conquest changes their relationship dramatically. He uses his persuasive interest achieving conquest, in ‘buying her’. IOW, he pays whatever price she demands. Job’s done; she’s his. Afterward she belongs to him, and he expects cooperation. Sex with her doesn’t bond him, and so neither her love nor sex will hold him. He’s now free to pursue others. He may lose significant arguments to her. So why take the risk of her winning and then losing the upper hand won with conquest? Men are not dumb; they only seem to be that way, because women don’t understand the male nature as men are born.

Even though born to be compatible as mates, the sexes differ greatly on matters of purpose, love, and sex. Society and life in it are as peaceful and satisfying as both sexes live according to their nature, the way they are born. Things start to fall apart, when the sexes begin for whatever reason to act like the opposite sex and thus betray their own nature.

In that case (and more follows tomorrow), women lose dominance of cultural values, standards, and expectations. Men run society according to male dominated and female-unfriendly values, standards, and expectations. Neither sex appreciates the other very much, blame spurs anger, anxieties spread, couples separate, and children self-develop to tunes played by the quarrelsome tongues of disrespectful parents, teachers, and adults.

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Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, feminine, Fickle female, Her glory, Jr., marriage, Uncategorized

2811. A Special Recap for an Upcoming Bride: Love


Her Highness CartieB, with questions at post 2808, inspired this series in four-parts: compatible, purpose, love, and sex — i.e., posts 2809-2812.

LOVE. The sexes are generally born as described below. However, individuals modify and intensify their lives variously by lessons learned growing up.

The multiple expressions of womanly love can be described in four forms. 1) Romantic love, the offspring of infatuation, fades a year or two after a couple’s first sex together. 2) Enduring deep affection with romance embedded, and 3) enduring love for people and things without romantic connections, both of which reward a woman just by its presence in her heart. 4) Mother love sprouts anew and unconditionally after giving birth to each child.

Men have one highly complex form of loving a woman, mate, or wife. Founded on his respect that she has to earn, his devotion grows from his dedication to please her and habit of pleasing himself by pleasing her. Her personal likeability enhances his devotion and he senses pleasure when in her presence.

Complementing that with self-interest, logic, and reason, and her expected loyalty to him alone, he convinces himself that he can be more satisfied living with her than satisfied with himself living alone. It’s the revelation point; he admits to himself that she’s the one to fit into his life, and he decides to propose.

It’s a one-time moment and a man’s version of true love. He convinces himself that he will be more satisfied living with her than with himself or someone else. IOW, admitting true love to himself IS his willingness to commit. He proposes, thereby blindly accepts responsibility for generating success in their marriage, and trusts that his bride will govern their arrangement such that he remains satisfied with himself for marrying her.

Note what’s absent above, her love of him. While her love confirms that he’s worthy of her , it’s less for him and not the convincer or persuader she hopes for. Her love adds to her personal likeability, reinforces his likeability to her, and helps sustain his conviction that she will remain faithful to him. All of which grow a man’s love. But her love of him, however wonderfully she feels convincing him of it, isn’t nearly enough to keep him as she hopes and prays.

Two factors outrank and override both her love of him and good sex as predictors of their future together: 1) His devotion to her. 2) His satisfaction with himself living with her. Without one or both, she’s temporary.

The following dissolves any and all glues shown above and guarantees a couple’s togetherness will end sooner or later: blame, guilt, frustrations, criticisms, irritants, and belittling remarks aimed at husband.

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2809. A Special Recap for an Upcoming Bride: Compatible


Her Highness CartieB, with questions at post 2808, inspired this series in four-parts: compatible, purpose, love, and sex — i.e., posts 2809-2812.

COMPATIBLE. The sexes are born this way, but usually change quite a bit from lessons learned growing up.

Both sexes are born genetically and hormonally capable of living compatibly with a mate. Husband is responsible overall, but his wife works out the details that generate success. Also, both spouses are born to get their way when associating with others, and it makes competition the next most universal motivator within individual self-interest.

Women react differently to competition. Before they yield sex first time with each man, they compete to protect their virtue, preserve their dignity, and keep their husbandly candidate trying harder to prove his worth to her. IOW, win her. After she yields sex the first time, both he and she expect that her role is no longer competitive but cooperative.

Were it not for lessons learned that contradict their respective natures, men and women would likely be motivated to live together much more compatibly, comfortably, and longer. IOW, the more masculine he is and she respects him for it, the more feminine she is and he honors her for it, then the more likely their life together will not end in separation. Her respect and his honor, both generously exhibited, make a strong glue.

Moreover, compatibility is strengthened by how men and women differ in three natural and hormone-driven traits: purpose in life, love, and sex drive, each addressed in a new post.

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2806. Response to a Malcontent


The previous post, 2805, lists 20 mismanagement tendencies that cause marital breakups. To it, Godsgrace55 responds this way:

“All 20 of those behaviors also apply to men. But men think they don’t have to address their own behaviors. That is why you notice so many middle age and senior women without a wedding ring. Those women get fed up, divorce, and live a better quality of life.”

I respond as follows.

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Dear Godsgrace55, you still don’t get it.

  1. Blaming men costs women whatever advantage they wish they had among men. (Blame may be well deserved, but it works contrary to what women intend.)
  2. Neither sex lives alone without the presence of the other in their lives. At the cultural level aimed at brightening the females’ future, women lead and men follow. At the societal level aimed at the present, men lead and women follow. It’s a swap-meet at which women have first choice for generating success for females, if they but focus on the future instead of getting their way in the present.
  3. In general and indirectly but not in particular and directly, women act and men react in response to the cultural values, standards, and expectations, and men drive society along those lines.
  4. This blog is What Women Never Hear, not what men never hear. Men don’t listen to men about how to handle or deal with women. If women don’t exemplify what they expect out of men, then men follow their competitive and often combative nature that women resent so easily.
  5. The sexes are born such that each individual seeks to get his or her way associating with others. It makes competition the most universal motivator. Except for sex before conquest, men have little or no use of women who compete with them. When women get their way all the time according to female expectations, men lose interest in providing/protecting, raising children, and staying with one woman.
  6. Women gain the superior edge in society by using morality, religion, pre-conquest sex, and marriage to tame and harness men to female expectations without emasculating them.
  7. Women do what’s right based on what they believe. Men do what’s right based on what they figure out will satisfy them the best. Blame cancels masculine interest for believing that women could be more right than he.
  8. When the dominant gender becomes mesmerized by feminine ability, aptitude, and astuteness, dominance dissolves beneath an canopy of female superiority.
  9. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera….

Your last sentence is one-sided and exclusively blames men: “Those [middle age and senior without wedding ring] women get fed up, divorce, and live a better quality of life.”

To which I make it two-sided by inserting and bolding the blanks. “Those women get fed up because they can’t get husbands to change to meet wifely expectations, initiate divorce in order to save face and more realistically discredit him, and live a better quality of life by demeaning him, by calling single life high quality to cover her disappointment or embarrassment, and to hide her disenchantment of life without her man.”

Summarized, modern women continue to lose the ability to get what they want out of men. Blame, demand, and political pressure get results, but not what women wish they had from about middle age onward.

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2805. Well-liked Article (#66 updated from January 2008)


A woman easily mismanages her relationship when she exhibits female tendencies that harden her heart for cooperation and soften her head into competing with her man. The following mismanagement tendencies do not cause breakup. The cumulative effects make their relationship intolerable to her man.

  1. Bitchiness that flows from envy, jealousy, and similar emotions regarding him and others.
  2. Busyness motivated by dislike of herself when idle.
  3. Carelessness prompted by weak sense of responsibility.
  4. Dedication to pursuing her personal agenda rather than their agenda as couple.
  5. Facetiousness prompted by fear of being wrong.
  6. Fearsomeness brought on by mistakes that she thinks might be repeated.
  7. Fussiness inspired by desire for perfection.
  8. Habitually blaming others to escape being blamed herself.
  9. Hatefulness prompted by dislike of herself.
  10. Loneliness imagined when he’s not with her.
  11. Lonesomeness blamed on husband’s absence at work.
  12. Moodiness that flows from inability to control events that satisfy herself.
  13. Phoniness energized by fear of her true character being found out.
  14. Pill addiction caused by sense of inadequacy to feel good about herself.
  15. Political correctness brought on by sense of being victimized.
  16. Quarrelsomeness that emerges from her desire to exclusively steer their bus.
  17. Selfishness never un-taught to her in childhood.
  18. Sloppiness or lack of attention to him in the company of his friends and competitors.
  19. Unfaithfulness that boils in oil her man’s sense of significance.
  20. Untidiness, the nesting merits of which she was never taught in childhood.

Those mismanagement tendencies are mostly indirect causes of breakup. Some of it exists in each woman. However, the undesirable effects—more competition and less cooperation—accumulate in their man, and their relationship grows more intolerable to him.

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2804. Well-liked Article (#60 posted January 2008)


This was originally titled, Why he doesn’t hear her—Part I.

Women, not men, have to tell men how to deal with women. And they should do it with feminine expertise that appeals to men instead of feminist disrespect that dissuades men from respecting women.

No two women are pleased in the same ways. Ditto for men. The Battle of the Sexes is fought as protagonists smooth out their respective interests during courtship in order to promote living together—after which the smoothness gets rumpled. All else is incidental.

A woman’s battleground success flows mostly from indirect messaging and highly feminine techniques that make a man satisfied with himself. Men respond favorably and become pliable when rewarded appropriately. They respond unfavorably if not. Those are the rules for life’s game in which women need men more than vice versa.

Ignorant women begrudge male dominance. Smart women go around it, smother it with feminine charm, tease it into submission, and manage the pressures. No matriarchy has arisen in over 7,000 years, so evidence points to unalterable DNA as the root cause.

This begs the question: How do smart women hold male dominance within acceptable bounds? The answer: They outfox the fox. They empower him to rule the roost, while they learn to rule the rooster. She lets him dominate the present, while she shapes their future to match her hopes and dreams.

She makes him head of the family and proud to be that, while she as the neck points and promotes family togetherness, solidarity, and morale. She sacrifices herself for him and family in their early years, and reaps her rewards later as well-loved matriarch of a warm, close knit, admirable family.*

Reward men appropriately for husbanding and fathering, and women can have what they want out of life with a man. ‘Appropriate’ means as defined by that man and no one else. So, a woman’s lifelong major task is to uncover what her man expects from her, and make sure she will not be victimized in whatever follows. (Of course she can claim that she’s due the same thing. But, he lacks the skills and interest to provide it.)

It’s humongously tough to do. Reward mostly means respect and gratitude for who he is and what he does. But each man individualizes it. Among the natural female ‘nessies’ described in post #59, there are innumerable ways for a woman to reward her man. When she continually shines in his eyes, that’s usually reward enough.

* Thanks to Nia Vardalos for the neck analogy from her movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

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A Guy Note: Women know what they want, but they don’t know how to get it. They’re doing it all wrong. They listen to women instead of men, so they fail to learn how to satisfy a man, when that’s really all he needs: to be satisfied with himself doing what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with.

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