- The more self-respectingly and graciously she repeatedly defeats a man’s attempts to get her into bed the first time, the more charmingly he treats and deliberately pursues her. Denial means he must try harder. Most men do if they find her more attractive than sister females.
- The more deliberately a man pursues an unconquered woman, the deeper his investment of self. As pleasing her continues and with his thinking it will make her yield sooner, his actions slowly morph into devotion. That is, the first and most coagulating step toward a man loving a woman. In background, his actions program his heart to favor her over others.
- As a man deliberately seeks to uncover a woman’s weakness to facilitate their first sex together, he discovers qualities that he can admire. Each is a virtue, and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. The longer she holds out, the more virtuous she appears.
- Women know instinctively and intuitively how to indirectly reveal their best qualities. What a man figures out carries more weight than what she tells him. Personal comfort, independence, informality, and familiarity work against her. Mirror time, modest attire, mystery, and friendliness work for her.
- In men, self-pride is an outgrowth of inborn self-respect reinforced by accomplishments and female attention. In women, self-like is an outgrowth of inborn self-love reinforced by relationship success and male attention. If it sounds too obscure, think of this. Self-pride and self-like motivate men and women respectively to be more open and outgoing with each other.
- Every man expects to be appreciated by most women for who he is and what he does. It can make men obnoxious, and the woman who likes herself greatly as a woman can put up with such men. She can overlook faults to find blessings. Mirror time and dressing up enables her to like herself more and thereby find men much more tolerable or acceptable than obnoxious.
Category Archives: courtship
- When a woman shows interest in every man, she demonstrates respect for the male gender, which makes more men pay more attention to her. A man can easily become envious and be challenged to pursue a woman, when he sees another man use manly talking points to hold her attention.
- Until she earns his respect, a man expects to ignore her or dominate their dialogue. Unless he’s just after sex, he doesn’t care to associate if she doesn’t respect him, and she demonstrates it best by just listening.
- Men respect women two ways. 1) According to how well each female denies a man’s conquest. The more denials over extended time, the more respect she earns and it lasts for his life. It’s natural programming that has the effect of being hardwired. It doesn’t mean he will stay with her, however, just respect her. 2) According to her accomplishments, both what and how well, that he can admire.
- When a man is satisfied with his marriage, he is satisfied with himself for having chosen that way of life. Her love helps, but it’s not the linchpin motivator that she thinks it is.
- When a man is satisfied with both his wife and living with her, he is satisfied that he chose well. Her love helps, but it’s not the kingpin that she thinks it is.
- A husband may remain devoted enough to stay with his wife as she changes—e.g., appearance, personality, likeability, loyalty—from the gal to whom he proposed. But his devotion may weaken, and he finds it more difficult to ignore the attractive but unconquered women everywhere. After all, a man’s urge to conquer lasts for life, and other attractions can bring new accomplishments and satisfactions to displace marital disappointments.
- Women share self-love but men don’t share self-respect; it must be earned. Women only have to show sincere interest in a man to start earning it. He quickly presumes she would also be interested in his greatness, and he proceeds if she will listen attentively, which he interprets as respectfully. It’s how women meet men successfully. He talks, she listens.
- If females want to do better, they should be much quieter about themselves. Full disclosure kills mystery and nullifies challenges. Women improve both performance and luck by being reluctant to talk about themselves while showing sincere interest in each man.
- Men tire easily when listening to women who seldom stop. As if they have ADHD, their mind wanders away or to something they want to say. Sensitive women learn how to compensate.
- Poor communication is often cited for a couple’s problems. It’s result more than cause. Personality no longer likeable, unrespected mate, or mismatched self-interest is more likely the cause.
- Conquest stops a conquered woman earning any more of a man’s respect, the unconditional kind that lasts for life. He paid whatever price she demanded and expects to ‘own’ her and their sexual agenda.
Perfectionism is a domestic disease that cripples homes and families. Women are susceptible.
Too many girls are raised to be perfectionists. For example, perfectionist at loving someone; expecting to be loved perfectly by her definition of how a man should love her; or maintaining her perfectly appointed and cared for home, kids, family, or marriage. IOW, she likes herself according to how hard she tries to be perfect.
Pushing her perfectionism onto others will likely see her fail the test of successful wife, mother, or both. If a woman needs to make anyone or anything perfect, she should first develop her feminine qualities and attributes as described in Female Blessings from Birth at the top of blog articles.
Those blessings can help any woman be considered great as female, woman, wife, mother, friend, and lover. That is, as close as she can get to being perfect in the eyes of others. It amounts to this. She’s near-perfect when others see little need for her improvement at making females feel good about their importance and males to admire who they are and what they do. Everyone develops themselves, and the ‘perfect’ wife and mom is the woman who helps them develop as they seek to follow their dreams.
A woman has no need to be perfect for her man. She only needs to keep him satisfied with her, their way of life, their kids, and with himself. It means she only has to keep herself satisfied that those around her are developing well and satisfied with progress toward their dreams and what they hope to become or do.
If she expects perfection out of herself or others, she becomes the judge and jury and runs her domestic show with grating noise instead of feminine music well-harmonized. As she tries to get anyone to be more like her, trying to be perfect in thought or deed, she ignores this fact of life. Perfection is impossible. Pursuing it in any form grounds relationships on the sharp, slashing coral reefs that surround home and life.
Her Highness Lady Penny at post 2696 responded as below to these questions: “Why are we here? What did God design us for and expect us to accomplish in life? Or, if you don’t believe, what has evolutionary development prepared us for? Anything in particular?”
Her exposition shines so brightly that I post it with special recognition.
“Hi Sir Guy,
“I really appreciate the thought provoking questions you ask at the end of this post!
“I thought you and readers might find this dialogue of great interest too as it speaks to the questions you posed: http://www.mindofafox.com/site/the-legend/index.html
“I have contemplated your questions many times before without finding an answer. When I started reading and learning from this Blog however, tentative answers to questions I’ve wondered about started emerging. Including one to your questions.
“We are here to propagate the species. This is what God designed us for. He expects us to maintain the order of things as He designed them originally. Being God, however, He also gave us free will to decide if propagating the species is going to be within the boundaries of a marriage or outside it or if it is going to be an individual option at all. It is in women’s and children’s interest that our species is created and nurtured within a healthy marriage. Men and women have default settings/natures God gave them to live compatibility, as is stated on this blog, with each other. Most women, however, have enabled Feminism to unwittingly brainwash them (in universities, on TVs, etc.) and to distort the natural order of things. E.g. adopting masculine style sexual freedom of sleeping around and resultantly falling pregnant or going to sperm banks and conceiving children in that manner, etc. When humans deviate from the natural order of things as God designed, chaos can be expected and the species can drive itself out as a result.
“In what presently seems like the Darwinian jungle to me where survival of the fittest is the order of the day, it appears to this lady that those that adopt the Feminist mindset (the “fit” ones) are trying to drive out those that are against it (the “weak” ones) and those that are for God (the “weak” ones). Will they succeed? To me, the answer to that question depends on what the superior sex as a collective chooses to do with their free will… In the film, Hannah Arendt, Guy recommended to us in post 2363, Hannah says “the greatest evil in the world is created by nobodies, evil committed by men without motives, without convictions and demonic wills. By human beings who refuse to be persons. In refusing to be a person, Eichmann, surrendered the very thing that defined him as a human being. That thing being his ability to think for himself! Since he gave up this ability, he wasn’t capable of making moral judgements any more. This inability to think enabled many ordinary people like him, to commit evil deeds on a big scale. At the end of the film she expresses her hope that thinking will give people the strength and courage to prevent catastrophes in the rare moments when the chips are down”. The current war, inspired by the Left’s Feminist ideology, between the sexes seems to be a modern example of a rare moment that Hannah refers to in the movie. Since women have been “liberated from their aprons and their kitchens” how are we going to use our free will and our thinking ability to prevent catastrophes like the human species driving itself out and getting the order of things as God originally designed it, back on track for future generations to maintain? This blog contains a lot of the ammo…
“I admire your ability to come up with great questions such as these, Guy! I look forward to reading how you’re going to use our responses later.”
Any mature man worthy of being depended on as a mate has certain traits that make up his worthiness. It’s not what a woman sees on the outside. When screening men, a woman should expect that these convictions exist within.
- His self-respect exceeds his respect of others until each person earns much more than he originally detects and judges. (Women differ.)
- He’s committed to successful accomplishments in his life. He expects to achieve what he aims at, and he works and perhaps fights hard to avoid failing or defer failure.
- He knows he’s already good enough for any woman that will have him as her mate and lover. Consequently, he expects to fittingly sell himself to win a likeable object of his respect, lust, or love.
- He does things and thinks and worries about physical connections. (Women differ.)
- A likeable woman remains that as long as he’s satisfied with who she is and what she does. His initial feelings and the respect she earns make her likeable, but his satisfaction rests more on masculine values and expectations than her feelings about him.
- He judges her by what he thinks. (Women differ.)
- He seeks self-satisfaction that tends to confirm his admiration as a man. (Women differ.)
- His prime mission in life is to keep himself satisfied with who he is, what he does, and who he does it with. (Women differ.)
Then, he marries the most likeable woman who earns his respect for who she is and what she does and can do, which are his personal standards for living with someone. IOW, her feelings about him are secondary to his expectations.
Consequently, he marries a woman good enough when they meet at the altar. But does she remain so? Does he remain satisfied with 1) committing himself to his altar-mate? 2) Devoting his life to their future together? 3) Preparing for what he can become with her dedicated to support his life? 4) Promising to brighten her future? It remains to be seen as married life unfolds.
The root cause of husband’s venturing into the cheating game lies here. Wife becomes different than husband expects. She sees him differently once he’s legally obligated. She doesn’t treat him as in courtship. She finds fault with him or his efforts. She spotlights his weaknesses and tries to do something about them. She imposes guilt trying to change him. She nags and criticizes and expects his reactions to favor her expectations. She tries to recover from having not screened him well enough, from having chosen wrongly. In short, she acts childishly to make him appear childish.
Women focus so hard on capturing a husband that they don’t screen adequately or know themselves well enough to be the good wife, defined by husbands as the one he courted and who acts the same before and after marriage.
IOW, he’s not the man she intended or hoped to marry and she intends to improve him, confirm that he’s not worthy of her, or recover the best she can. A little room exists within the character of a husband to permit her ‘recovery’ tactics. But not a lot.
He detects lack of respect, ingratitude, and unwillingness to depend on him. All of which corrupts her likeability and his sense of satisfaction living with her.
The more she becomes different from his bride’s behavior, the more quickly he considers looking elsewhere for the recognition that he thinks he deserves. Wife cheats him of his dignity, self-satisfaction, and consequent self-admiration, and his cheating on her is the most easily recognized method for husband’s recovery, respite, or revenge.
WADWMUFGAO. When wife feels good putting him down, he finds recovery outside the home. Hence, the root cause of husbandly infidelity is wifely dissatisfaction with husband’s inability to live up to her expectations that in all probability changed after the ceremony.
Q. What should wives avoid to keep husband at home?
A. Avoiding the wrongs described in earlier posts and below tend to satisfy husband with himself. As wife keeps husband satisfied on home matters, he has less interest to be out searching. By focusing on only two objectives, she can build a daily process that tends to keep hubby faithful. 1) She keeps him satisfied with her and who she is to him. 2) She keeps him satisfied that living with her beats his other options. Guaranteed to prevent cheating? Nope, but it reduces the odds magnificently and emotional infidelity even more.
Here are some more female actions that work contrary to a husband’s expectations.
- Belittling, criticizing, or condemning who he is or isn’t, what he does or doesn’t do, or why he’s unable to earn her gratitude makes her unlikeable as mate and suspicious of her loyalty to him.
- Loss of her likeability drives a man to find someone more likeable. It’s proportional. The more unlikeable she becomes, the more he yearns for someone more likeable and newly loyal. It’s the most satisfying outlet to restore satisfaction with himself for living his life with her.
- Trying too hard to please him or not to fail in their relationship, she doesn’t stand up for herself and loses his respect. She appears unlikeable. Finding the right balance of respect and trust that satisfies mutual likeability is one of her greatest marital obligations.
- Doubt expressed about his loyalty to her, children, or their relationship casts her doubt on his likeability. Seeing himself viewed as unlikeable interrupts or casts doubt on his satisfaction with himself living with her.
- He presumes from her complaints that he’s somehow responsible or she wouldn’t be complaining; she would take care of it. Or, perhaps, she complains about something in which he has no interest. He reads it that she doesn’t understand him, seeks to relieve her tensions, or makes herself feel good by unloading her multitude of thoughts. It confuses him, leaves him ignorant of what to do, because he can’t read her feelings in the way she reads his.
- Husband sees wife as jealous or envious of other women. When her distrust of his loyalty is obvious, it reduces her likeability.
- Husband and wife differ on what’s said and what’s intended versus what’s heard and what’s taken to heart. Women prefer full disclosure about matters of mutual interest, but husband’s interest is much more narrow and it frustrates her. Gratitude is the mother of female happiness, but frustration is the father of female determination to make things different, which causes wives to change or seek to change him, either of which disappoints a husband.
- Her love of him is a major ingredient for holding her tightly in marriage. However, it’s never enough for him. Satisfaction with himself is more important than her love. The more she depends entirely on words rather than actions about her committed love, the less impressive or convincing is her likeability.
She has both an instinctive and intuitive ability to detect her man’s inner feelings and know how to alter them, how to convert dissatisfaction to satisfaction with her and their life together.
And if she says ‘why’? He isn’t worth it. Why should I do all the work? What about me and my needs? Well, if he isn’t worth it, she vetted him poorly or she treated him such that he or she or both have become less likeable.
Moreover, which of her needs outweigh keeping her man? As she changes to satisfy herself, she becomes a woman he did not marry. Men don’t change after marriage, but women mistakenly expect they can make it happen. Women change after marriage, although men expect that they won’t.
By keeping him satisfied with her and living together and without his even thinking about it, he concludes that he’s satisfied with himself in marriage, which confirms that his decision to propose they marry was the right thing to do. He also concludes that living with her is superior to living by himself or with someone else. It discourages his thoughts of cheating. His conclusions result from her actions more than her words about loving him.