Category Archives: courtship

2783. Warriors Rape! Why?


Her Highness Beloved inspired this post as follow on to 2782 – Can He Do As He Pleases With Her?

She asks, “I was wondering how so many men who would never dream of raping in their hometowns could become such animals when in a war situation.”

I’m not sure this assumption is correct. “…men who would never dream of raping in their hometowns…” I think many dream of it, and it highlights what follows.

Imagine that we’re talking about a 30-year old adult male who was born just now. Hasn’t lived a day in this world. He’s as innocent as an infant. What does his psyche look like with regard to rape?

He’s born lacking in self-love that women inherit in huge amounts. So, he’s not able to love someone who hasn’t earned his respect. Women live by love, men live by respect.

Men are born full of self-respect, which enables them to respect others who earn it. If not earned, he’s free to treat them for his best advantage. In the male psyche, it translates into his not having to live up to anyone else in order to keep himself satisfied with himself. He needs no supreme being or code of conduct to guide his behavior with others. To the newborn adult imagined above, religion, morality, and love are foreign to his thinking—until and unless taught otherwise as his future unfolds in childhood.

With little or no interest in living up to someone else or something bigger than himself, a conscience isn’t present. It doesn’t develop until and unless he’s taught to be guided by high levels of right and wrong and domestic and social standards in childhood. IOW, he becomes pressured to respect and live up to the expectations of those around him, where his respect of others is fashioned around the discipline of authority figures.

At birth, men inherit their unique, strongest, and lifelong motivational force. They are energized to spread their seed. However, each man lacks the internal guidance to do other than get what he wants, follow his will, live in the present.

As described above, the male psyche is not wired against rape, which is an extension of getting his way in the process of spreading seed. Women, given the power to do so, make rape subject to female-friendly values, social standards, and legal discipline, which men learn as toddlers and beyond.

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Let’s switch the scene from birth to childhood life and imagine a scale to measure effectiveness of parental teaching that indirectly discourages the urge to rape. No longer an infant, children are exposed to religious values, morality, conscience development, respect for opposite sex, and respect of self-discipline. Imagine this scale to ID potential rapists: 10 = children taught the highest quality on those five criteria. 5 = children taught some but not close to high quality about those five criteria. 0 = children largely ignored about teaching those five criteria.

Tens don’t rape. Fives think of it at home but don’t rape until in war. Zeros rape in their hometown. The male nature says rape is okay; females teach them not. Mothers civilize boys, girls tame boys with lures about marriage, bachelorettes lure men into marriage, and wives domesticate men to help her live in the future. Done well by most females, rape becomes a minimalized problem.

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2782. Can He Do As He Pleases With Her?


Her Highness Magnolia inspired this long overdue post.

Q. Her question: “In WWNH you describe our nature “in the raw.” I have a question about men. Does a man in [his male nature] believe that he has a right to a woman’s body (any woman, even a stranger) that he can do as he pleases?”

A. Yes it’s embedded as a sprig of male dominance, but don’t read too much into it. The most likely outcome lies with your term “believe.” Men believe what they figure out better than what they are told. Modern men are told legally and politically that they have no uninvited access to the female body. Belief spreads from the pressures.

Much more importantly, however, his so-called ‘right’ is susceptible to the influence of the superior gender, which has more than enough ability to neutralize it. Men are dominant, but in the world of competition before a man conquers a woman, men are vulnerable to relationship expertise and female determination about right and wrong. That is, before individual conquests, women reign with control of what men want the most.

It’s much easier to believe than what women tell men in legal and political terms. In a unique contrast, men have the physical and mental strength to get their way. But women gang up and get their way by making men dance the female tune, namely he has no inherent right to a woman’s body.

But once she yields conquest, he reigns and she has no authority left to compete on the matter. She learns to cooperate and hopes he will treat her rightly. With conquered women who learn to cooperate, men have less reason to enforce their way. They lean more toward cooperation and more easily follow female expectations.

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Each sex has only one distinctly different, inborn, lifetime, and primal urge that constantly pressures men and women to interact together. Combined and with little else, those two motivational forces are capable of perpetuating the species,which seems to be a necessary outcome whether designed by God or and sought by Nature.

Men are born with the motivational appetite to spread their seed. Particulars aren’t specified, just spread it. Women inherit mother love upon giving birth, which is the primal urge to care for the children that result from males spreading their seed. Again particulars aren’t specified as we are all free will individuals. Thus, without other motivational drives, homo sapiens is perpetuated in the simplest fashion. It’s a self-perpetuating ‘human engine’ and little else is needed;  men screw, women nurse, and life continues.

Both sexes are born with free will and the desire to get their way among others. This is the chicken: Competitive fires are fueled by mothers, girls, bachelorettes, and wives getting their way by dissuading men from doing as they please with females. This is the egg: Men yield to female expectations in exchange for what females have and women are willing to trade for civilization, peace, and help raising kids.

With that behind us, your question can be answered with common sense. Does the urge to conquer women authorize men to have their way? Yes! In the absence of civilized order and peace, how else can a man be effective, live out his primary purpose in life?

To change Yes to No is the perfect invitation. Mothers civilize boys, girls tame adolescents, wives domesticate husbands, and all females rein in male aggression, train men, and expect men to provide and protect against always getting their own way with females. Men are conditioned to accept no access rights, because they are rewarded with frequent and convenient sex at the discretion of individual females.

IOW, all women have a say in preventing men from having their way with females.We call it civilization. Society is what we do. Culture is why we do what we do. Consequently, either women reign over cultural values, standards, and expectations that guide all of us, or men have their way even with strangers. It’s a great master plan that women have to bring down to the individual level. Unfortunately for modern females, old school did it better than nowadays.

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2778. Well-liked Article (#33 posted in January 2008)


Men are not naturally romantic. Except when forced to honor females with manly spell-binding joy, romance to males means foreplay or prelude to it. If not ‘trained’ to habitually romance her before marriage, he won’t do it afterward and will probably be short on intimacy after sex.

Boys first learn romance by watching father affectionately romance mother without sexual implications. Later, they learn from girls who inspire manly romance by withholding foreplay and from women by withholding sex.

Women expect men to be more romantic, but romance slows a man’s urge to merge. He expects to romance a woman to the extent that she requires for him to initiate foreplay or sex.

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2776. Well-liked Article (#7 posted in 2007)


Testosterone hardens a male’s head and heart for survival early in life. A good woman can soften his hard-headedness after many years as a couple. Testosterone fades in old age and also softens his heart.

Feminist theory, propaganda, and pressures try to soften his head and heart before Nature allows, and so men rebel and women pay the price.

When men don’t highly value integrity in others, they likely lack it themselves. This makes vow-keeping much more difficult for such men.

Men have little natural interest in making things safer, until they foresee or face endangerment. They also have little interest in family compatibility, except as it first makes their job more significant as producer, provider, protector, problem-solver.

No one talks about friend with benefits (FWB) anymore, so it must now be well-practiced behavior. Think men don’t like that freebie?

For a man to respect a woman, marriage is the only legitimate reason for her to have had sex with another man. The new FWB practice puts participating young women out of bounds for winning a man’s enduring love. He’s cuckolded by her every male friend, whether she actually did it or not.

Modern women avoid femininity, provide pre-marital sex, act like guys, smother their man with devotion, and try to appear ordinary. Men marry them, but they don’t stay married. Men don’t marry guys or faux guys, but they stay with the woman they consider extraordinary female and like his bride.

A man stays with a woman when she fulfills the image and expectations he held before they married. If she changes, as most women do, her surprises register tolerably, undesirably, unpleasantly, irritatingly, or worse.

To a man, his woman’s constructive criticism is still nagging.

A man’s devotion dies, when he’s not appreciated in an upbeat fashion for who he is and what he does.

If shack up or marry up is not the man’s idea, then he will not long honor whatever relationship arrangement they enter. Theirs will be temporary, if she talks him into any kind of relationship.

Feminine mystique attracts men and holds their interest. An air of secrecy and generally being hard to get draws men into a woman’s aura of charm. It keeps her in charge and puts men on the defensive. It’s the opposite of her chasing him, and it forces each man to prove his worth to her.

When he perceives charming but strong resistance to his first priority, sexual conquest, it pushes him deeper into the role of seller, which proportionally reinforces her as the buyer.

Female modesty tames males. It’s a woman’s greatest counterbalance to male domination. Modesty keeps men at a distance as she declares it her territory, and it empowers a woman to avoid and prevent embarrassment. It keeps men on the defensive about female sensibilities, which weakens male domination.

The foundation of a man’s love is respect for a woman. Romantic love, mostly based on infatuation and lust, does not require a man’s respect. Plus, romantic love fades after a year or two. Enduring love, if it’s to replace the romantic kind and not also fade away, requires his respect that she earned early and continues to maintain.

Feminine adherence to moral standards helps earn masculine respect. Moral standards serve women and children predominantly but only when women promote and push morality such that it suppresses and effectively ‘outlaws’ extreme male domination and aggression and violence.

Female-designed customs and manners calm men. By women insisting on and upholding social and domestic standards, men learn they must please women to enjoy feminine endorsement and perhaps their company.

Hard-headed feminine gentleness beguiles males. It adds to both her mystique and influence. Far removed from a weakness, gentleness strengthens her self-respect, which many admire as a virtue, and which earns a man’s respect.

Respect to, gratefulness for, and dedication pledged to and kept with one man inspires masculine fidelity, but it doesn’t guarantee it. As hunter-conquerors, men can be tamed, civilized, domesticated and acclimated to monogamy when women lead by example. Of course it’s not fair, but men have little interest partnering with only one woman—unless women sell them on the idea and reward them for both husbanding and fathering.

Virginity is under valued by modern women. Women desire men that know how to satisfy them sexually. With her, experience counts. Men desire females that other men have not had. With him, it’s beating out all those other guys. So, it’s not virginity so much to men as it is her sexual inexperience by which he can measure his competitive prowess.

Men expect this first in a relationship: a cooperative and helpful rather than a competitive and offending spirit. Next, they expect respect and gratitude for who he is and what he does. The former invites him to partner, the latter holds him as mate.

Modest and celebratory apparel crowns pregnant women as heroes to men. T-shirt wearing, beer-belly pregnant women destroy their attractiveness. They send a loud message that they don’t give a damn whether others admire them as mother and him as father. In fact, they make their man look like a chump—his woman uglifies what he sees as wonderful prospect for the future.

She offers her honor. He honors her offer. Men thrive on her and off her.

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2773. We Are Also Born Alike


I post articles about how the sexes are born different and, as the result, are motivated differently in life. There’s another side. In a few ways they are born alike in ways that underwrite both their inborn and motivational differences.

Each individual is born with free will. Each seeks to get his or her way associating with others. Consequently, each determines their own self-interest, which motivates them to promote and energize their self-development (aka living life their own way). Those dynamic and governing influences take hold after the conscious mind opens in the third year and last for life.

Free will, getting one’s way, and self-development stir up so much emotional turmoil that it makes both intra- and inter-sex competition the dominant generator of energy in human relations. Everybody competes all the time.

Examples: Women compete with women for the best man hopefully but good enough actually, and then each competes with one to preserve or parlay her self-interest into a successful couple. Men compete with men for a virtuous woman. If she turns out to be less than virtuous, then he can’t maintain his satisfaction with himself and escape seems desirable. So when you hear women claim they are not competitors, recall those and a gazillion other inter-connections among people.

We are designed and created to be compatible as couples. Man or woman, unless handicapped, each begins life with sufficient ability to live compatibly with a member of the other sex. Being able doesn’t mean it happens.

What keeps the competiton balanced? It begs the question, how come one sex doesn’t win the gender-level competition and enslave the other? The answer is unequal but fair ability to compete.

It appears to me this way. God saw it coming and endows the sexes differently. He creates a dominant sex, inspired to be a socializing bunch of immovable objects, and endows it with physical and mental powers so the objects can get their way—but he leaves them void of interest in relationship functioning. Thus, men have power to spare but lack talents for creating and managing relationships.

Then God creates the other sex, inspired to be a socializing bunch of irresistible forces, and endows them with relationship expertise and ability to outwit, outsmart, and outmaneuver men. In that way, using free will for ability and self-interest for guidance, women are empowered to avoid being enslaved and can, in fact, get their way over males worth the feminine effort to do so. Their gender is superior, since women have the motivation, influence, talent, skills, and determination to not be enslaved either individually or collectively. They can hold their own and even do better when they pay attention to what wins more than what loses.

The irresistible forces of the superior gender compete constantly with the immovable objects of the dominant sex to produce what each seeks, specifically some advantage and their own way. Competitive balance arrives when one  immovable object keeps himself satisfied by satisfying one irresistible force who convinces him to provide, protect, and perhaps even die for her.

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2772. Pursue Sex for Pleasure?


Having sex pleasures us and it’s natural. There is also the pursuit of sex for pleasure but it melts responsibility. While still natural, WADWMUFGAO,* it is abnormal and contrary to the good order and discipline of society, much like illegal drugs.

One can’t pursue sex for pleasure except by looking for more—whatever one senses, it’s never enough to stop the habit of pursuit. Extreme methods of stimulation are used even before addiction develops, which in itself weakens one’s sense of responsibility by focusing one’s mind more on self rather than others.

Inside marriage, if either mate pursues it intensely, they eventually find partner to be short of satisfying their ever-growing hunger for more pleasure. And so, they take their pursuit outside the home and marital responsibility melts down.

Among singles, responsibility to not endanger one’s partner—e.g., choking, STDs—melts down as ever-growing hunger develops for more pleasure.

Sex is a constant motivator of the male but not the female nature. When pursuit of sex for pleasure overwhelms the desire for it, people act as if addicted whether so or not. The process of living that way melts responsibility they have for or to others. Perhaps not melted completely, but enough that others are left with unwanted burdens and consequences.

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*We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves.

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2771. Why Men Don’t Stay


No accusations are aimed your way. However, something in the following should hit every woman’s guilt button.

It doesn’t matter if cheating husband’s other woman is perfect partner or not. If he sought her out, it means you’re no longer the perfect partner he thought he married. You were the love of his life. So what fractured, shattered, or crumbled his love into whatever leaves no loyalty for you? He’s not much more than a shadow of him as groom.

I’ve described this repeatedly in previous articles. Positive and affirming emotions such as love, respect, vows, promises, good intentions, and mutual dependency do not hold marriages together. Not as much as negative emotions rip marriages apart with continual bombardment of irritants and criticism implied or stated.

Newly developed emotional differences alert wives. But so many fail to exploit their relationship expertise. That is, fail to use their ability to recognize little emotional disconnects, and for which they fail to find ways to eliminate them before they rise to the level of marital threat.

Counselors and marital advisors advise what to do to please your partner. It may help a little but it’s not the answer for marital success. Your time is better spent avoiding what ticks off your partner or spouse in the first place. Stop kicking or knocking him down. You might kick yourself for awhile.

When a husband takes up with another woman, he’s at fault. No way to justify it. However, we can examine his motivational background. (Pointed at all women and not truly you, the writing just comes better in second person, you, and hopefully reads more cognitively that way.)

His love depends on his respect for you, so how did you undermine it? Nag? Criticize? Withhold sex? Enable him to feel inadequate in bed? Blame him? Point out his shortcomings? ID his faults? Treat him as uninteresting? Talk endlessly about things of no interest to him? Feed him what you like instead of what he likes? Get up grouchy in the morning? Defend those who offend him?

Do little to please him but expect him to please you continuously? Act grouchy after work? Have too many headaches at night? Refuse to entertain his friends? Resent his hobbies or habits that take him away from you? Dislike yourself and too lazy to do something about it? Forget who you were that attracted him to you? Plan to return to your natural personality once you hook him?

Always act sick with little reason? Manipulate him? Never smile at him? Fail to confirm his importance in your life? Never try to please him for the pleasure it gives you? Keep alive your own negative attitude? Fail to show gratitude for what he does? Fail to show your dependence on who he is? Complain to girlfriends about him? Expose his foibles to others? Show disdain for him in public? Embarrass him? Whine endlessly about all your problems? Fail to teach the kids that dad ranks higher in the pecking order than they do? Fail to grant him the status of family leader?

Spend too much money with the false expectation you will like yourself better? Expect him to make you feel better about yourself? Disturb him unnecessarily at his job? Express complaints about him in front of the kids? Overeat as if you deserve it to feel better about yourself? Fail to acknowledge your secondary role in family matters (as he sees it, darling, not as you suppose it should be)? Fail to step up to your responsibilities for harmony in the home? Fail to use your relationship expertise to generate harmony between the two of you?

Change your habits/personality/behavior from the woman he married? Refer to him minor problems with kids that you could solve if you weren’t fearful the kids would dislike you? Find less interest in him than other people and things outside the home? Fail to read and understand just what goes through his mind during both good and bad relationship incidents? Fail to help him recover from his mistakes and self-caused accidents?

Disagree with each other in front of the children? Fail to reward or admire him for special tasks that please you? Overdo pillow talk with irrelevant or unimportant issues? Resent his frustrated sense of independence? Find ways to shame him? Use too many words, rather than silence-that-informs, to plead your case that he upset you? Resent his rest and recreation with TV and beer immediately after work? Fail to show faith in his judgment when he’s intent on doing things his way (e.g., not asking for directions). Elevate your job as more important than his? Fail to trust him. Resent his earning satisfaction daily at his job while happiness comes to you after years of striving? Disrespect men generally and it leaks over onto him?

You see, I enumerated many ways that you could and perhaps still do that disappoint him. If he provides any feedback, you ignore it. In any event, before he met you at the altar he expected none of the above or he would have left you standing by yourself. Now he takes it out on you. He resents, resists, and eventually retaliates on some simple thread the camel’s back can no longer carry.

Men are not inclined to stay married to women who are not the same one they married. Some men do it by sneaking off to cheat first. Others let their woman’s surprises turn them into abusers. Still others just walk out. Finally, a few hang around having had their masculine courage smashed into apathy; they prefer the certainty of misery to the uncertainty of change, which then reverses the game by costing them your respect.

Men follow inspiring female leadership in relationships. When will relationship experts, however,  learn to lead men respectfully in ways that men accept with dignity and gratefulness? Learn to make themselves more important by making themselves less obvious, less intent on being completely understood, less convinced that only they know what’s proper, and less convinced that micro-management will improve their marriage?

My pinkie finger article is aimed at highlighting your upsets and leaving unstated what you expect out of him. It dumps your displeasure in his lap to do with as he pleases, which gently and without accusing flips his ‘Uh Oh’ switch to read: ‘I probably should not do it that way again’. Self-correction is a much more agreeable meal for him to digest, which makes you as the relationship pinkie-waving ‘cook’ look much more dependable, friendlier, and likeable. He can easily learn that he wants to remain closer to you rather than another.

The marriage ceremony clouds the outlook of so many wives. She feels authorized to use the tongue as primary weapon to get her way. The tongue is heard and female ears listen. However, hunter-conquerors primarily depend on eyesight to determine what to believe. A wife’s yakking what’s right for her makes husband stubborn, his ears close, and he relies more and more on what he sees. Usually her constant tongue flapping, spreading out from overeating, and weakening interest in what she has to say. It’s another way that diminishing likeability undermines mutual love, respect, dependency, and fidelity.

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