Category Archives: courtship

2691. Tradeoffs in Marriage #04


  1. He likes to claim titles that make him feel powerful and in charge, such as king, CEO, or boss. Less interested in titles, she has the power that holds everything together for marital success. She’s seemingly overly burdened, but that’s not the destiny of one who successfully governs home and harmonizes family. Only the loss of pride, self-respect, or his love truly burden her excessively.
  2. When he cherishes her, his definition of it is just fine; she’s so proud and his version is fine.When she’s not cherished, her imagination comes up with all kinds of expectations that he could never satisfy, because she’s in the habit of finding him wanting.
  3. She doesn’t intrude in the domain where he is responsible, unless asked. He doesn’t intrude in her domain of responsibility, unless asked.
  4. She accepts full responsibility for raising the children until first grade. He accepts responsibility as back up in discipline matters and fun resource.
  5. Satisfied with who he is and what he does means satisfied with his marriage. Satisfied with her marriage means satisfied with who he is and what he does. Thus, the marriage revolves around his satisfaction with himself.
  6. If she governs home and family well, her attitude is infectious. His interest enables him to interact in spurts, and his attitude reflects from his direct participation and desire to please her.
  7. Husbands dream of what they can do. Wives dream of what they can have. (Contradictions arise from refusal to respect the dream-rights of each other.)

Truly cherished is missing in the life of many wives, which means it’s the gravy on a meat and potato relationship that she makes work anyway.

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2688. Wisdom from Magnolia #3


NOTE: Lady Magnolia responds to Lady Femme’s concerns about “get the man out of my system.” Guy

——

Lady Femme,

A few things come to mind:
1. Cry and surrender to the pain. Mourn your loss.Then begin to recover.
2. Keeping a journal helps. Try not to ruminate, though. Write about positive thoughts and hope for the future.
3. When you are ready, start dating other men. This point alone could be all you need as you naturally become interested in someone else.
4. Meditate.
5. The mind is powerful– let go. Allow yourself to let go of him. HE IS JUST ONE MAN IN A SEA OF MILLIONS.

Many women give themselves completely when they date. The best thing to do is to manage our emotions, take it easy and evaluate everything. I’m telling you, dating several men is so good for that (it allows you to be more level-headed as you evaluate each candidate and not to give of yourself 100% to any one man– a risky thing to do at the beginning) but so many women refuse to do it out of loyalty to men who often do not reciprocate. The disaster that ensues is to be expected, really.

See how much a man invests in you and for how long before you invest yourself. As a general rule, don’t invest much at all before the six month mark (that’s how long it takes for a relationship to become established). Be cautious.
Six months-looking good.
:-):-)Eight months-getting better. :-):-):-) One year-great! Has he consistently shown interest, devotion, etc.?

Keep in mind, this is a rule of thumb. Use common sense and your feminine intuition to protect your heart.

Finally, I want to say that I know exactly what you’re going through and I know that it’s not easy. It was hard breaking up with my ex. I cried. But I just made up my mind that I would find love after him. Someone better suited for me. And guess what? I did! You will, too!

Many blessings!

Magnolia

P.S. Remember, it is super important that you see yourself as powerful, confident and in control of your destiny. Believe it and you’ll become it! The best part? People will notice, too, and they will treat you accordingly. Try it!

 

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2687. Wisdom from Miss Gina


NOTE: It seems men in at least one big city have a new standard. Lady Aidos reports “It’s been astonishing to me how many men walk away after I refuse sex *on a second date*. It’s been the majority [after dozens of dates, NOV-APR].” Miss Gina offers appropriate self-help.

Guy

——

Dear Lady Aidos,

I understand your comment that being rejected can be draining. But consider a slightly different perspective. Try going into the date with an open but educated mind about the male nature…you already understand what is likely to happen, so you have your shields up…while giving him a small window of opportunity to prove himself. It is ok to be a bit cool and aloof toward the gentleman…remember how so many men go crazy over women who are downright mean–they represent a challenge. (I don’t recommend meanness, but a little impatience with or skepticism of a man can trigger his challenge reflex.) If you watch romantic movies from the 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s, (early 60’s too), the women are often good examples. [Guy says: Movie lists are available at posts 2039, 1369, 1242, 1224, and 541.] *You* are the one in the driver’s seat, and *you* are screening through many unworthy men. Most will move on, which is what makes them unworthy of you–*not* you unworthy of them. You only have to find one. Just this small change in perspective can make it easier on you and make you more attractive at the same time.

Miss Gina

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Blog 2685 — Female Standards — 01


Boldness reduces discomfort. If a woman learns to stretch it into standards that she lives by, she can develop her future as she desires it. Her life is more up to her than even a man’s presence in her life.

Many gals ask how to get dating off on the right foot. How to react when they are approached or hit on. The following is my favorite. I offer it for the impact on the thoughts of a man when surprised by woman-think, especially when boldness enshrouds her imagination and female pride. Encounters are seldom neutral when the gal takes charge. See the bullets below.

We all avoid acting uncomfortable. But surprise men with female discomfort shrouded in boldness, and it enables a women to take charge of the man or men present. That is, shock a man awake by her determination to be female, feminine, and different from men. Anyway, here’s my favorite standard of a woman forgetting her discomfort to spill it boldly into a man’s face.

SITUATION. A man approaches, acquaintance or newbie, and they begin to chat. Natural, neutral, innocent. She smiles as if he’s likeable and responds respectfully to his chatter. No signs of her judging him as suitable or unsuitable. All men are suitable until they prove otherwise; it’s one of her standards.

At his first mention of sex, direct or indirect, she stops him and responds with this. “Listen, I put my sex life to sleep and now await Prince Charming to awake me as a woman. Talking, kissing, or fondling will not wake me. See you later.” She quietly, respectfully, and politely leaves him to his thoughts. (She departs, because he’s now on defense and would likely begin to argue that he can talk, kiss, or fondle her awake. It makes it awkward, because she’d have to insult him to stop his determination to recover his self-respect or save face.)

  • It’s shock and awe time. She departs and leaves him challenged to try again or drop the encounter as not worth whatever it would take to recover.
  • It offends his self-image; he thought he was better at meeting someone. It also puts him to thinking, wondering, speculating. How he did wrong or could have done better? He’s no longer in charge; how does he recover? Or does he want to?
  • He can save face by admitting she’s wasn’t worth it anyway. Probably 80% of guys would take that comfortable way out. She thinks: Can’t stand up to the weaker sex? What kind of man is he? I don’t have to waste time on him. If I’m not worth a strong pursuit, if he’s so easily discouraged, he couldn’t be much of a man for me.
  • She’s unique, a virtue difficult to earn in today’s marketplace. It stirs his thoughts and may keep them stirred for quite awhile. Prince Charming? Who’s that? What could he have that I don’t? She think she’s a fairy princess or something? She’s different alright, but how do I get next to her?
  • She’s mysterious. What kind of woman is she? How does she expect to gain my ever loving attention by walking away? What else has she to offer beyond what I saw? What would it take to bed her sometime soon? How do I find out what her Prince Charming looks like and promises? Can I beat his time before he shows up?
  • She’s determined, knows who she is, and intends to shape her life her way—or at least it appears that way and men believe what they figure it out better than anything she tells them. If talking, kissing, and fondling won’t wake her, what else must Prince Charming have, do, and is expected to do?
  • He tells his buddies about it in ways that reflect good on him. Then he wonders if he gave her a raw deal by under estimating her potential as good woman.

Imposing her standard immediately puts her in charge and guys have no alternative but to forget her (I guess at 80%) to save face or try harder (20%) with a whole new approach. The 80% were only after sex and lost interest in her, which means they are not good enough for her. The 20% that develops a strong pursuit in spite of her standard are good candidates for a relationship. Thus, her discomfort uplifted with boldness separates the unqualified from the possibles with just a few words.

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2683. Magnolia Shines Again


NOTE: Born hard-headed to deal with men and soft-hearted to live the good life, some women never find the balance that Magnolia describes below. She uses both to promote her life’s agenda to the max. I post it as a good read for everyone and written so well and clearly that it shows respect for every reader. Thank you, Magnolia.

——

Dear Femme,

I don’t mind talking about it. That was a few years ago. It wasn’t with my husband. That relationship ran its course. It was four years ago, around the time that I got acquainted with this blog. Reading it helped me wise up very quickly. My ex was a very fine man, and we had discussed marriage. He wasn’t quite ready, though. He wasn’t sure about marriage at that moment. He was more like, “At some point.” He wasn’t sure he wanted children and I’m sure I do. He’d had some financial setbacks due to a divorce and wanted a prenup. That didn’t sit well with me at all. I sensed that something was wrong and confirmed it by reading this blog. I wasn’t about to become the seller to him or any man (It was a long term relationship and we had become sexually involved by then). As Sir Guy says, recovery is everything.

Another thing that Sir Guy says is that men really protect their assets and that we should do the same. At the time I was getting ready to move to the city where I live now, a few hours away. I did and things ended.

I think that it’s important for women to make the right choices in life. Sir Guy encourages women to cling to religion and morality in order to brighten their future. This blog helped me get back to my roots. It was a fairly easy transition back.

When I moved to town I immediately looked for a church and became a member. Now, almost four years later, I am married to someone who shares the same goals as me (to work in the ministry at church, etc.), pursued me like crazy from day one and showed that he wanted to make himself worthy of me, wants children as well, and never, ever asked for a prenup. On the contrary, he said that everything that is his, is mine (house, everything). He never asked for sex either since we’re committed Christians. That was reserved for marriage. His love for me is so special, so sacrificial and he continually demonstrates it. I’m amazed by it and love him so much for it. I love my husband so much and I’m so grateful for him!

I’m glad that things didn’t work out with my ex. I’m much happier and better off now. I wasn’t where I needed to be with God before. As I said, my ex was just protecting his assets and wouldn’t budge, as Sir Guy says that men do. I decided to do the same and not budge at all and came out on top.

I thank God for Sir Guy and this blog.

Hope this helps somebody. Many blessings!

Magnolia

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2682. Refresher Thoughts — 12


  1. Masculine-style sexual freedom practiced by females inflicts potential damage on the institutions of marriage, faithful husbanding, and responsible fathering—all of high interest to women. The male nature is hardwired to respond to potential conquests made abundant by female behavior.
  2. If men pay no high investment of self, sex is cheap and easy. In the case of conquest, vagina is target and holds his dedicated interest. By enabling access, women easily water down their own worth and magnetic appeal. Female attractiveness goes for nought, when his access to vagina costs little or nothing
  3. Female virginity is under- and male virginity over-valued by modern women. With women, experience counts. If a man is not experienced, other women found him of little appeal. If significantly experienced, a woman’s competitors judge him appealing, which makes him more desirable.
  4. Men desire females that other men have not had. With him, it’s competitively beating out all those other guys. So, it’s not purity to men so much as her sexual inexperience by which he can (a) imagine his personal prowess with little fear of comparison and (b) anticipate her fidelity to him. [1907]
  5. Female gentleness is far removed from a weakness. To men it’s unique and mysterious. Much like modesty, it defies understanding and grows its own appeal.
  6. Women are born hard-headed and soft-hearted. Men are born hardened in both regimes. When her beliefs are narrow or little, mushy thinking pushes her to believe in anything. It defines soft-headedness and causes hard-heartedness in females.
  7. Mutual love makes marital living negotiable but not necessarily compatible, which depends more on mutual likeability and mutual loyalty—the ingredients of manly love.
  8. The sexes have opposing and competing strains of A.D.D. Women suffer from Affection Deficit Disorder. Men ignore their Affection Delivery Disorder unless taught as boys and teens to frequently speak of their gratitude to the females in their everyday lives. It needs to become habit to please females.
  9. It’s needed to replace romantic love that fades after a year or two. A man’s enduring love arises from the foundation of his respect for an exceptional woman and her likeability as a supportive mate. A woman’s enduring love arises from her gratefulness for who and what her man means to her in both the present and especially the future.
  10. Negative influences too easily compound to poison love. Infidelity, disrespect, nagging, abuse, lack of affection of her, and ungratefulness for him come quickly to mind. The continual repeating of one or a few negative influences shatters the major foundations of masculine love—respect, likeability, dependency, and gratitude. Love bleeds out through the cracks. [1908]

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2681. Love is Never Enough — VI: Women Love Two Ways (Didn’t ya’ know?)


Female love has some unexpected and unused characteristics. It can mislead women on how to deal with those they love. There is love, which is one directional that pleases the one expressing her love, but it doesn’t bring the feedback that she craves. Then there is sincere love, which is two directional; she includes more than her attention, affection, and appreciation. She expects rewarding feedback, but she has to work extra to get it

Females have at least five reasons for expressing their love of another. 1) They want something. 2) It makes them feel good about themselves. 3) It’s the right thing to do. 4) They want to unload their emotions. 5) They want to be important to the loved one, to trigger the thought that the loved one sees the loving one as important to him or her.

The first four satisfy the loving one, who presumes or hopes that 5) will also be a result. But that two directional exchange of thoughts or words happens only with sincere love.

When women give love for nothing extra for themselves, specifically 1) through 4) above, they cripple their own self-interest.

Love becomes sincere love when gratitude for the loved one is included in a woman’s expressions of love. The loving one seeks to hear it, but she can’t just say in the course of expressing her love that “I am important to you.”

When, however, she shows or expresses the gratefulness she finds in the one being loved, the latter sees the former as important in his or her life. Who else in the loved one’s life finds gratitude in her or him?

It makes gratitude more important than love itself. Love is the vehicle, gratitude is the cargo.

So, gratitude does what love alone can’t do to a relationship. Now, I know you ladies will probably claim that your love always includes your gratefulness. If it did, those you love would never question, seldom disagree, or ignore your attempts to shower them with loving attention and affection. Mere expressions of  love are nowhere near as complimentary as specific gratitude you can disclose about things the loved one seldom figures is noticed by anyone else including, perhaps, themselves.

In the normal course of relating as couple, her love is unearned. He’s done nothing and men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. If she shows gratitude for who he is or what he does, then he has earned it and she makes herself more valuable to have nearby. Her gift of gratefulness usually agrees with or exceeds his own assessment of his self-worth. Nice that she sees it that way too.

In the normal course of relating as female friends, her love is deserved. But each female has a deeper ambition, to be important to the other. It doesn’t come from routine attention and affections. It comes from the gratefulness that one expresses for the other. They extend mutual gratitude and receive mutual confirmation of their respective self-importance. It holds friends together.

So, in the normal course of relating, you gals should find and express gratitude wherever and however you can, and you will be more important to female friends, more worthy of continuing attention from a man, and you will also appear much more sincere to both.

Remember this? “Men are never more handsome than…” as a way to express a woman’s gratitude for minor pleasantries, chivalries, and gallantries. It buffs and shines his self-admiration, the motivation behind most of a man’s accomplishments.

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